Mum, mum, papaaaaaaa… This word so often pronounced, supposed to be the prettiest name in the world, has become a fear. 20 times, 30 times a day this call can for some parents can become synonymous with exhaustion, anger and even suicidal thoughts. How to get out of this fog which is gradually leading to parental burn-out, and find some fresh air.

Parental burn-out is the exhaustion of parents, caused mainly by the pace and the constraints imposed by this role.

This enormous fatigue can have both consequences on the health of the parent, his spouse, the children and very violently impact family harmony.

The burn-out parent may present:

• Health concerns: fatigue that does not go away with a good night’s sleep;
• Sleep disturbed;
• Irritability;
• Appearances of addictions (sugars, alcohol, tobacco, etc.);
• Suicidal ideation, desire to ditch everything;

The bond with children becomes complicated (vverbal and / or physical iolence (hysterical attack, punishments, etc.) “I would have preferred not to have children”, a phrase that can do a lot of harm.

There is an increased risk of negligence (surveillance), domestic accidents.

We can also encounter consequences on the life of a couple:

• Jealousy (you are going to work, you are quiet);
• Adultery;
• Domestic violence (verbal and physical);
• Divorce.

Keeping stressors away

To get out of it, you must first be aware of it and accept that you are not perfect. And “perfect” does not exist. It is the parent who creates an ideal objective of the concept of parenthood in the sense in which today’s society conceives it.

It is necessary to rest for a few minutes and observe all the injunctions that return:

• advertising campaigns;
• parenting information;
• documentaries on positive education systems;
• non-violent communication;
• not to mention the 5 fruits and vegetables per day;
• and extra-curricular activities (English lessons, music, sports, etc.).

In a hundred years, the children went from workers in the mines to the future kings of France. And the sovereign position of parents has changed to put themselves at the service of children. This enormous pressure is not suitable for real, everyday life. The full-smile, all-smiles breastfeeding mom is a lovely magazine image, but like TV shows, she’s pretty. A breastfeeding mother also often has dark circles, vomit from a bottle on the shoulder, crying, sore breasts, etc.

Dare to talk about it

The entourage if it is benevolent (spouse, friend, family, etc.) can initially offer a listening ear. Listening without comments, in order to exoterize the suffering experienced. A listening professional such as a psychologist, a midwife, the attending physician, an educator, a parenting counselor can also play this role.

Identify “stressors”

There are moments of stress linked to particular objectives: for example a tension over homework, need a romantic weekend to get together … It is important to list them sincerely, without fear of being judged ( e).

Limit their impact

Then the parent can determine which ones can be momentarily limited. Homework time in agreement with the teacher, calls from the mother-in-law to find out if the little has eaten well, certain extra-curricular activities. “Recognizing fatigue and taking care of yourself is being a good parent.”

In order to be able to regain strength, and find himself, the parent must accept help. It can come from a spouse, a family member, a friend, another relative in the class or the nursery, as part of an exchange of services.

Many parents have no family around to help them. A solidarity between the parents can be proposed for example a weekend the children will sleep with their friends to allow a pose in love and the following month it is the reverse. The friends come to sleep. The children are delighted with this exchange and the parents rested.

Make an appointment with yourself

The agenda is full of appointments: football, doctor, nursery … but one hour to think about yourself per week is essential. So in the agenda, this time slot is reserved and cannot be modified. “Just by noting it, says Claire, mother of Lilas, 4 years old, it made me feel good. I found a smile again, telling myself that I had the right to have time for myself ”.