Parent and child: crime and punishment

The son deceived you for the first time. Or got into a fight at school. The daughter did not wash the dishes as promised, and took her mother’s handbag without asking. All these pranks, of course, require immediate attention and explanation. And sometimes a clearly stipulated punishment. But what if punishment, manifested in a certain form, can permanently traumatize the child’s psyche? Or will it be remembered for a lifetime? After all, children’s grievances are very hard to let go.

Child psychologist Natalya Perfilieva told healthy-food-near-me.com about ten types of punishments that do not give the same effect as we would like. And all because they are too heavy for the child’s psyche.

1. Physical punishment

Definitely, you cannot beat children. Sometimes the most painful thing is not even a belt on the butt, but a slap in the face. The parental hand is support, love, warmth, affection. But not causing physical pain. This is insulting, humiliating and undermines the child’s trust in the parents.

Effects: education in the system “Who is stronger is right”. Lies, revenge on those who are weaker, shifting the blame onto another. Girls, who were beaten by their fathers, very hard then build family life with a man. Boys are forced to fight latent aggression. There are a number of studies in the United States on the direct dependence of physical punishment and a change in sexual orientation.

2. Silence, ignoring

They stop talking to the child, noticing. Do not answer questions and requests as if it does not exist. A favorite method of some adults to show that they are right, believing that there is a guilty party who no longer has rights. This is a very convenient way to avoid wasting your energy on explaining. No matter how some of the parents would defend this method, ignore is pure resentment against a little child. Growing up, the child remembers this silence for life. And grievances against parents will accumulate.

Effects: the absence of boundaries between can and not, because this child was not taught. Ignoring indicates parental emotional rejection, the personality of the child is “erased”, as it were. Parents lower his self-esteem, teach him not to love himself, make him psychologically weak and vulnerable. People grow up who cannot make decisions on their own.

3. Shouts and name-calling

We are all humans. After a hard day at work, we suddenly discover that the child did not sit down to his lessons, but watched cartoons all day. Or can’t calm down, running around the apartment. And in an irritated state we no longer control ourselves, switching to shouting and well-aimed words. But it is important to remember that a cry always evokes a reaction of at least a second of fright in any person, even an adult and an experienced one. Fear is followed by inhibition of psychological activity, stupor, freezing. Remember, when you scream, the child does not hear what you are saying. He’s just scared.

Effects: “Sound” pressure on the child will necessarily manifest itself in his behavior with others: he will become irritable, fearful, withdrawn. In adulthood, the child will reject and hate himself, remembering all the epithets of the screaming parent: stupid, fool, brainless, crazy. After all, any person does to himself psychologically exactly what his parents did to him in childhood.

4. Public abuse and punishment in front of witnesses

Adults resort to public punishment because of the inner feeling of their powerlessness and inability to influence the situation. Look, they say, what a nasty child I have. The purpose of such a “public flogging” is to induce a sense of shame in a son or daughter. As a result, the child begins to think that there is no more protection in the form of parents.

You cannot scold a child in front of a teacher, class, or another child. Let him apologize if he is guilty. This completes your task. The rest is at home! You are the wall. And no matter what your kid or schoolboy does, he is still loved.

Effects: often, such punishments inflict deep psychological trauma. They absolutely do not give a correct assessment of what is happening. A child will remember such things all his life, moreover, he will become afraid of publicity, interaction with people, and suffer from sociopathy.

5. Punishment by labor

Got a deuce – you read a hundred pages. I was late for school – you are cramming poetry. Didn’t take the dog for a walk – you wash the floor in the whole apartment. Sound familiar? If so, stop immediately. If you have taught a first-grader to read under a stick, if this activity has turned into a punishment for him, then he will never love books. If doing housework for him is the payment for a misdemeanor, then he is unlikely to ever offer you his help. Anything you punish should be voluntary. The child will not forgive you later! After all, you took away his joy. The joy of reading, the joy of a clean room, the joy of poetry …

Effects: such punishments can perpetuate negative attitudes towards work, study and reading for life. This is how people become irresponsible and lazy.

6. Punishment for good

This is the most annoying thing for a child. Imagine a situation: little Masha learned in kindergarten to cut circles with scissors and make applications from them. Instead of paper, Mashenka found a new wallpaper. Not everything worked out right away, so it took half a roll. But what a beautiful clearing of daisies turned out for mom on March 8! With pride and warmth, she brings this gift to her mother … And she hears in response a shout and curses, she was spanked and put in a corner. Such a reaction will be remembered for a long time. Rather, even forever.

Effects: very strong childish resentment. Unwillingness to give, to give, to bring joy, to be creative.

7. Insulation, locking in the room

Often, in order to stop a prolonged childish tantrum, parents close it in the room, bathroom, in the kitchen. The child continues to cry and scream, but soon calms down and even falls asleep. Dear parents, the kid was just tired, scared, and cried. But I didn’t understand anything! This is not a method and a very bad punishment in terms of consequences. Also, do not forget about the individual differences of children. If a claustrophobic child is isolated in isolation, this punishment turns into the most severe torture and can provoke a nervous attack.

Effects: closed doors and switched off lights will haunt the child for a long time. In dreams, experiences, in the same elevator. This is fear. Neurasthenia. The other side of the consequences of such punishment is the manifestation of cruelty, the boycott of someone.

8. Deprivation of necessary things

To deprive the child of fresh air, not to feed him with lunch or dinner, not to buy a pair of compasses that are required at school, or a warm jacket for the winter, refuse to ride bicycles with the whole family, not take a cousin for his birthday. This is all the “golden fund of joy” that cannot be canceled! Not to mention the fact that you leave the child hungry or not dress him for the winter.

Aftermath: be fair to children. Do not abuse such punishments. Children get embittered, blame their parents for all the failures. And the same jacket will be on the lips of your grown child for many years.

9. “You are no longer friends with this boy!”

Or: “Be friends with Kolya, his parents are our friends!” Such punishments or orders are very upsetting for a child. If you have reason to isolate your child from a child, this must be justified. The worst situation is with the order to be friends with someone. It is very unpleasant to remember such things. Your son does not want to invite a certain Vasya to his birthday. But Vasya is the son of the dad’s boss, and it seems like he should be invited … Is this the familiar situation? These are the things you don’t need to do. If your child doesn’t need Vasya on his birthday, let him stay at home. With the boss dad. Once a year there is a holiday, and it should be joyful, warm and cheerful.

Effects: strained relationship with parents. An example from the classics: “I would be glad to serve, it is sickening to serve!” This is Chatsky. And you can grow up Molchalin.

10. Throw away, break, re-present gifts

The schoolboy has done something. Dad, in an irritated state, throws out the window a toy that he gave the child for the New Year. Or breaks in half a steam locomotive given as a birthday present. Or he picks up the phone: “I’ll give it to Kostya! He only saw such a phone in his dreams! ” And Kostya, a cousin, becomes … an enemy. Dad turns into a monster. And the child will remember this flight of the toy for many years.

Remember: your gift is love, attention, joy. You cannot punish with negative actions on your favorite things.

Effects: repeating similar techniques in the future. Devaluation of pleasant moments. Aggressiveness, envy, low self-esteem.