Has father 2.0 become a mother like the others? A legitimate question judging by the evolution, for one to two generation (s), of the “new fathers”. From the distant, absent pater familias, entirely devoted to his work, it is no longer rare to meet today a papa hen, determined to put his dear darlings before everything else. And to display it with pride.

More and more of them want to spend time with their toddlers, take care of their education, and share activities with them. Several reasons for this. First of all women investing more and more in the professional sphere, pushing their other half, by ricochet, to be more present at home. Then, separations, more and more numerous, and precocious, forcing fathers to take their “share of the pie.” But make no mistake, equality in the sharing of educational tasks is still far from being achieved.

Recognized legally by law in 2002, joint custody after separation is less and less marginal. However, in 2012 (latest data available), INSEE stated that 17% of separated couples – only – chose this type of childcare. In 73% of cases, the main residence is always fixed with the mother. And in 7% of cases, with the father. In addition, in 2015, INSEE estimated that women spent 95 minutes per day with children on average, against 41 minutes for men.

“We speak of papa hen to characterize behaviors deemed to be rather maternal”, explains Patrice Huerre, hospital child chairperson and psychoanalyst, author ofAuthority in Question – New World, New Leadersto eds. Odile Jacob. This dad who photographs himself “skin to skin” with his newborn in the maternity ward, campaigns for the co-sleeping, gives the bottle, supervises homework, accompanies his child on the way to school, consoles him when he is sad , play chess with him… Some even go so far as to stop working to become 100% stay-at-home fathers, exclusively dedicated to their offspring. “We know that there is a part of the feminine in each man, and the masculine in each woman. Today, it is much more socially accepted. A generation ago this would not have been the case. “

“Fathers have changed profoundly,” insists Patrice Huerre. “Today, if a father asks for a little longer paternity leave to take care of his baby, it will no longer be shocking. Until recently, that would have been inconceivable. A generation or two ago, the man went to see his child at the maternity hospital… and returned to work. The child’s first three years were seen as ‘a women’s affair’. The father was only there to bring home the salary and, incidentally, to act of authority with his children.

He is the man who whispered in geese ears. Konrad Lorenz (1903-1989) was a great Austrian biologist and zoologist. He was also the recipient of the prestigious Nobel Prize in Medicine. One of the best-known photos of him shows him followed by a flock of greylag geese. The father of ethology had shown that from the first minutes of its existence, an instinct pushes the small animal to identify with the first living being it meets, to seek its presence and to follow it constantly. Even though it’s not his biological mother. These works on the imprint, and many others on the notion of attachment “have made it possible to prove that the precocity of the bonds creates a better attachment. Another advantage of a more involved father, the child finds himself with a different interlocutor than his mother. Which helps him to build himself better. “To grow, we need to be able to rely on different models. Beyond the differences of sex, each of the parents has his story, his personality, his way of approaching education. “

Researchers at the University of Oxford say: children with involved fathers grow into more fulfilled adolescents. Their study was published in the Journal of child psychology and psychiatry. To arrive at this result, the researchers evaluated the behavior of 14.000 fathers with a child aged 8 weeks to 8 months. Ten years later, they analyzed what had become of these young people. It shows that the risk of suffering from anxiety, or relationship disorders is 14% lower in teenagers who had a father involved during their early childhood.

A generation or two ago, the father had little presence at home. And when he addressed his children, it was very often to raise his voice. This model has exploded. Today, the father is much closer to his children, and generally less severe. Sometimes it is difficult for these new fathers to impose their choices, when they are afraid that it will distance them from their children. However, laying down prohibitions is very structuring, on condition that one does not fall into authoritarianism. In couples where the father is more mothering, “authority is distributed in a more egalitarian way”, reassures Patrice Huerre.

In this area of ​​fatherhood, it is easy to have a short memory. We compare ourselves to the generation of our parents, even our grandparents … forgetting to go back further in the course of history. However, caring for a child has not always been the exclusive prerogative of women, on the contrary. For example, the authors Sylvie Mouysset and Danielle Rives discovered the diary of Antoine-Jean Solier (1760-1836), a Marseille merchant, discovered a very attentive father: “He writes down the dates of weaning, those of the first teeth, he is an indefatigable playmate, flips through picture books, gives the first rudiments of reading … “More generally,” historians like Philippe Ariès recalled that in the Middle Ages, fathers played a very important role with their children. They were described as very affectionate. The new father of 2021 therefore has more in common with his medieval ancestor than he imagines …