Each of us has close people with whom we had or have warm relations, love and trust: a beloved husband, a tender wife, true friends, caring parents. Unfortunately, it often happens that in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, people seem to forget about these relationships: in the morning they were filled with tenderness for their loved ones, and in the afternoon they are not remembered, getting involved not only in new affairs, but also in new relationships, and sometimes connections on side. Fortunately, we have the hormone oxytocin, the hormone of love and tender affection, which is responsible for the freshness of our feelings and the memory of relationships in particular.
For a long time in medicine, the hormone oxytocin was used to stimulate labor and was associated only with the mechanical processes of childbirth. It is this hormone that causes uterine contractions and thereby gives the command “start!” the process of childbirth, and also stimulates the mammary gland to release milk. Subsequently, it turned out that this hormone is also responsible for the behavioral characteristics of the mother — it is thanks to the release of oxytocin that a woman is ready to do anything for her baby. A little later, scientists noticed that the same thing happens in the body of men who were present at the birth of their children: the release of oxytocin gives men paternal feelings for their children.
Much more is known about oxytocin today. What turned out?
Oxytocin enhances the feeling of «we are relatives» next to people close to us. An increase in the level of oxytocin in the blood causes a person to feel satisfied, reduce fears and anxieties, a sense of trust and calm next to a partner 2007): 15–4. DOI:392/397): a person who was perceived as a close person. We emphasize: not with a physically close partner, but with a mentally close person.
In experiments, when oxytocin was administered by nasal spray, the subjects more easily believed what they were told by close people, while the perception of words from “just strangers” did not change. Moreover, subsequent experiments have shown that oxytocin increases hostility towards strangers, reinforces cultural and racial prejudice.
At the physiological level oxytocin triggers the attachment mechanism: it is oxytocin that makes a mother or father attached to their child, binds a woman to her sexual partner, and creates a romantic mood and sexual attachment and a willingness to be faithful to a man. In particular, oxytocin makes married/in love men stay away from attractive women.
According to the level of oxytocin in the blood, one can confidently speak about a person’s propensity for fidelity and readiness to become attached in close relationships. In one study, at an ordinary wedding in England, blood samples were taken from newlyweds and their relatives before the couple made their marriage vows. It turned out that the greatest release of oxytocin was observed in the bride, in second place was her mother. On the third — the father of the groom, and only then the groom himself and the guests.
This was told at a lecture in Moscow by the American scientist Paul ZAK, director of the Center for Neuroeconomic Research at the Claremont University of Postgraduate Education.
Curious that oxytocin is good for treating autism: both children and adults with autism, after treatment with oxytocin, became not only more emotional themselves, but also better understand and recognize the emotions of other people (Jacob S, Brune CW, Carter CS, Leventhal BL, Lord C, Cook EH (April 2007) Association of the oxytocin receptor gene (OXTR) in Caucasian children and adolescents with autism Neuroscience Letters 417 (1): 6–9 DOI:10.1016/j.neulet.2007.02.001 PMID 17383819.
It turned out that oxytocin reduces anxiety levels, improves the state of the nervous and cardiac systems, so people with high levels of oxytocin live healthier and longer lives. And if we add here that oxytocin stimulates the production of endorphins, hormones of happiness, it seems to be a very important hormone for all of us!
And — what to do? How to increase the level of oxytocin in the blood?
In everyday social interactions, an increase in the level of oxytocin between people occurs with any friendly contact: a handshake, touching a hand or shoulder, cuddling, massage, or just stroking. You can just get a dog — in a relationship with her, oxytocin is generated in the same way. Nutrition matters a little: bananas and avocados will be on your side.
More important and more interesting, it turns out that oxytocin is produced during any collective action where people feel some commonality among themselves: soldiers during a march, at parties during dances, in a church for a common prayer, during group sports or joint singing. All three components are important here: objective collective interaction, an inner sense of community and the emotional brightness of what is happening.
The brighter the emotions and the closer the interaction, the more oxytocin. The strongest bursts of oxytocin occur during intense sex and orgasm experiences, both in women and in men.
If it is important for you that your children are loved by you, then look at childbirth and feeding a child differently. The strongest injections of oxytocin in them occur during childbirth and with each breastfeeding. The presence of a father during childbirth also triggers the production of oxytocin in his blood and increases attachment to both his wife and children.
It is clear that the most effective way is to inject oxytocin directly into yourself: drip oxytocin into your nose or spray it with a nose spray. However, this is hardly the best recipe, and not only because it will only give a short-term effect. Yes, the oxytocin molecule itself does not live long, disappearing after only three minutes.
It is more important to take care of such a lifestyle that oxytocin is produced naturally in you. Namely, the simplest and most effective thing here is to cultivate the habit of thinking well about people and showing concern for people, especially for close people.
Hugs, kisses, walking by the hand, long conversations and eye contact — all these things, so understandable and close to loving people, from a physiological point of view, contribute to the injection of oxytocin into the bloodstream and thereby further strengthen your relationship.
Recall that a positive effect will occur only in the direction of close relationships, and if these relationships are good. If you are married (married), but the relationship between you is problematic, then long conversations will most likely not help you.
And remember the main thing: while hormones affect our behavior, we influence our hormones with our behavior. Yes, oxytocin helps us treat people with care, with trust and love, but if we want to have more oxytocin, we need to start by treating people with care, with trust and love.
Can we manage?