Overcoming fear

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You can give in to your fears, you can overcome them. The stronger a person is, the more calmly he relates to his fears, knowing that almost any fear can be overcome. Few people know, but fears are not a natural human reaction, fears are learned behavior.

There are other options: for example, fears can be ignored. Ignoring minor fears is reasonable, there is nothing to pay attention to any small things, and ignoring serious fears is stupid. No need to lie to yourself: “Is there fear? There is. I’m afraid? — I’m afraid». A courageous person is not one who is not afraid, but who knows how to be stronger than fear.

The only fear common to all babies is the fear of loud noises. Already the fear of falling from a height is not characteristic of all babies, and the fear of being left without a mother is more likely not a fear, but an active unwillingness, expressed in the most loud form. All other fears arise in children and adults as learned reactions, later becoming habits and character traits (when anxiety, when cowardice).

But if we have learned something, then we can retrain ourselves. If we have learned to be afraid, then we can learn to overcome fear and be above fears. How? For better or worse, there are many ways, because everything is possible, but in different situations, different things are required for success.

So let’s start. In the beginning, as usual, it is useful to turn on the head. So:

Understand what are the reasons for fear and anxiety

Understand how dangerous the situation really is. A reasonable person is not in a hurry to be afraid, it is natural for him to first figure out what is actually happening and whether his serious reasons for concern are true. Your task is to assess the size of risks and the size of possible losses. If you have done this, it removes cheats, fear of fear and other empty experiences.

Fear of fear is an addition to the main fear: to a panic attack, to the fear of public speaking, to the usual excitement. If the fear of fear has not been removed, then even if the main fear is removed, this supplement, this fear of fear, can act as a starter and start the main fear almost from scratch.

Empty experiences are experiences that have no actual meaning either for the person himself, or for the cause, or for the environment. Experiences triggered in a pattern, out of habit.

​Close concepts: experiencing is a far-fetched experience created from scratch by those who like to experience. Empty experiences have no purpose and meaning, experiencing has no basis.

If you do not wind yourself up and figure it out, many fears go away.

If the situation is seriously dangerous, if the possible losses are really great, and the risks are real — in such a situation there is no need to overcome fear, reasonable caution is required here. In vain do not take risks, where you should not — do not climb.

If you’re learning to ski and you’re looking at a risky descent, consider the consequences and risks. If you don’t want to break your legs, then you don’t have to be brave here, practice on a gentler descent under the guidance of a trainer. It will be better.

And if you are afraid to propose to a girl, because it is very scary, then this is stupid. In the worst case, she will refuse you, that is, she will consider that everything is fine with her without you. And you, most likely, quite confidently can live without it. This means that in the worst case, everything will be just as good for you, and if it hurts in your soul, it is quite possible to survive. What if she’s waiting for your offer, huh? Conclusion: we make an offer.

Be guided not by fear, but by reason. Fears, like any emotions, live in us when we have not yet decided, have not made a decision. So the second step:

Make a decision

The decision can be any, but even not quite the right decision is better than no decision at all. The absence of a decision is inaction and the continuation of chaos in the soul. When a decision is made, most emotions immediately or gradually disappear. Irritation, anger, resentment, fears dissolve — now you know what to do. Fear lives only where there is emptiness and uncertainty. Fear and doubt go hand in hand. You have made a decision, you have made up your mind — it becomes easier on the soul. The eyes are afraid, but the hands are doing. To help you tips Psychology of decision making and How to make the right choice

The next step is not always needed and not for everyone, in any case it can only be short. Namely —

Get together

In a difficult, dangerous situation, it is important to get together. Get together physically, get together mentally, gather all your abilities and resources, use everything that can help you. Sometimes even your fear can be your assistant if you know how to use your bursts of adrenaline. If the fear in the body rather interferes, we weaken the fear, strengthen ourselves and do everything that is necessary. Gathered, and — one, two, three:

Just do it (just do it)

As a child, it was beneficial to be afraid: if you start to be afraid and call your mother, your mother will come and help us out. Today, in many situations, you can only rely on yourself, moreover, today many are already counting on you. So, today you can no longer be afraid. That is, worry — please, in your personal time as much as you like, but you need to do it anyway. Scary is normal. A coward is often called not the one who has fear, but the one who is weaker than his fear. Courageous people are also scared, but they know how to be stronger than their fears and act in spite of … Strong people are stronger than fear. If you understand that it is necessary to act, then in case of any fears, we still go and do everything that is necessary. Build the habit of acting in spite of fear.

Once again, a reminder: don’t take unnecessary risks. Don’t be afraid to get cold feet if it makes sense. Courage is not in mindlessly flying into danger, but in remembering your real tasks in life and not being afraid to say: “I have other plans.”

Whether you are afraid or not is not so important. What matters is whether you did the right thing or not. So you can be afraid, but you need to do it. Forward!

That’s all. You did it.

What about fear? It no longer mattered. Usually, when you take the first step and then begin to act, the fear is already gone.

So what do you do when you’re scared? — Four things: figure it out, make a decision, get together, do the necessary. And for the future — train courage, cultivate courage in yourself.

Relieve symptoms of fear

Fear inhibits not only our ability to do the right things, but also interferes with the naturalness and ease of our behavior. In some cases, it is important not only to act, but to act easily, beautifully, freely, and this is hindered by the experience of fear. You can understand everything, but the body will still be afraid: the mouth will dry, thoughts will be confused, the legs will be heavy and awkward. Can these physical symptoms of fear be relieved? Sometimes — yes, sometimes — not immediately, but it is always useful to learn this. However, this is another topic, see Working with Fear.