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To lose attractiveness, to give birth to a sick child, and not to become a good mother … Pregnancy is often accompanied by doubts, fear and anxiety. Psychologist Ada Moscarella talks about how to overcome the most common fears of expectant mothers (and fathers).
Tokophobia, that is, the fear of childbirth. But this is not about the feeling that most expectant mothers experience shortly before the birth of a child. This refers to the fear that appears and does not go away even before conception. It is so strong that it forces a woman to avoid pregnancy in all possible ways, including quite extreme ones – up to sterilization. Naturally, women who had a difficult previous pregnancy or childbirth, suffered from postpartum depression, are more susceptible to this fear. This is secondary tocophobia. If this is the first pregnancy, and the expectant mother, for example, insists on a caesarean section, although there are no indications for it, we are talking about primary tocophobia.
How to overcome fear? Preparatory courses for childbirth are very useful, this is a great opportunity to reduce anxiety, learn relaxation and pain management techniques, exchange experiences, share feelings with those who are also afraid of childbirth. If tokophobia is secondary, that is, it arose as a result of traumatic events, it is worth contacting a psychologist.
Pass the tests
- How do you feel about your pregnancy?
- Can you be happy?
The birth of a child with malformations. Everyone knows about the progress in the field of diagnostics, about the possibility of early detection of defects and even intrauterine surgical intervention. However, paradoxically, all these achievements have also contributed to an increase in fear for the health of the child. Another reason may be the birth of children with defects in the family. In addition, these concerns are reinforced by the fact that the average age of women giving birth for the first time has increased. And the older the expectant mother, the higher the risk of genetic diseases.
How to overcome fear? Fear is a feeling that appears and is fueled primarily due to isolation and doubt. So it’s worth sharing your worries with your partner and finding a doctor who can help dispel them. This is the best way to deal with the situation.
Read more:
- Tokophobia: fear of pregnancy and childbirth
Loss of a child. According to statistics, the threat of miscarriage or missed pregnancy is from 10% to 25%. Their fear is familiar to all mothers-to-be, especially in the first trimester – and especially to those who have actually terminated a previous pregnancy.
How to overcome fear? It is important to remember that in any case it is a loss. It is a loss that takes time to recover from. As an ancient Spanish proverb says, “The grief that is not spoken about is the grief that has not been healed.” If you have encountered this once, it may be enough for you during your next pregnancy to find courses in which the expectation of a child and childbirth are discussed not only from a medical, but also from a psychological point of view. If you have had several miscarriages and / or missed pregnancies, you should think about visiting a psychologist.
Read more:
- How to live after a frozen pregnancy
Fear of not being a good mother. Pregnancy (especially the first one) is also a search for your place in the coordinate system. The woman was and remains the daughter of her parents, she recently became the wife of her beloved man, and now she has one more role to play – mothers. Naturally, a woman is worried about how good she will be in this capacity, whether she will cope with new tasks.
How to overcome fear? He should not be ashamed: it is normal to have doubts while preparing for a completely new role. The opportunity to talk about this topic can not only be a great relief, but also help you discover important resources that will make you feel more confident and ready for motherhood.
Read more:
- What are pregnant women afraid of?
Lose physical fitness and attractiveness. It is rarely spoken about out loud, but it is quite common. After all, now women are balancing between the roles of an attractive partner and a good mother. Often during pregnancy, a couple’s sex life comes to naught due to fear of harming the baby. If there are no medical contraindications, then this fear is unfounded.
How to overcome fear? All this also needs to be discussed, and not hushed up – this will only complicate the life of the couple. Perhaps behind these experiences is something more serious, for example, the fear of future changes in general. As for staying in shape, if you’ve been active before, you can still be physically active during pregnancy in one form or another. But again, only with the permission of a doctor.
Read more:
- Smoking during pregnancy: what are the consequences?
Forget career. Many working women are afraid that the birth of a child will affect their career. Of course, this is often the case. However, it should be understood that motherhood itself in most cases does not entail a loss of competence or certain skills. Much more often, mothers’ careers are affected by the cynical approach of employers.
How to overcome fear? It is a matter of choice and the price of choice. It is important to understand its possible consequences from the very beginning, because the child should not become the object of blame because of a failed career take-off.
Read more:
- “My husband left me pregnant”
What are future dads afraid of?
More and more fathers-to-be are getting involved in the process of expecting a baby. And the more they worry about the health of their wife and unborn baby. In addition, they are seriously concerned about the issue of their parental competence: some remember their happy childhood and want to be like their fathers, while others, on the contrary, are afraid of this, because they do not consider the model of their own family to be successful. Another fear of future dads is the possible feeling of being “abandoned” by a wife who will now become a mother first and foremost. In this case, the child may be perceived as a rival.
How to overcome fear? It is important not to be alone with him. Partners should freely discuss their experiences, and a woman should pay attention to her husband’s feelings, try not to put herself and her pregnancy in the center. It is better to find such birth preparation courses so that there are classes dedicated to both the couple and the future dad.
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