Contents
In every children’s team there are popular children and not very popular ones. There are active, sociable children, and there are quiet, loners. Some are satisfied with a secondary role in the class, others suffer from such a situation, but do not know and do not know how to change it. Some children are so eager to be in the center of attention of classmates, to take a leadership position, while not being able to behave in accordance with their claims, choosing inadequate ways of behavior, that they seek attention “with a minus sign” — they become the object of ridicule and contempt. And these guys, actively rejected by their peers, are, unfortunately, a frequent and difficult-to-correct phenomenon.
Probably, many psychologists and teachers are thinking about how to help a child not feel superfluous in a team, whether it is possible to teach him to communicate, whether adults (teachers, psychologists, parents) can specifically draw the attention of their peers to him, make him his own for others. But the most important and intractable question is: how to avoid bullying and what to do if the situation is critical?
Psychological aspects of the problem of rejection
Own observations, biographies of different people and examples from fiction suggest that in any children’s team there are inevitably popular children and outcast children. Sometimes rejected children are simply ignored, passively disliked or tolerated, sometimes they have protectors. And others are less lucky — they are not actively loved. They become objects of ridicule and harassment from classmates. Let’s try to understand the nature of such a phenomenon as the rejection of one or more members of the team.
Dramatis personae
Each drama assumes a clear distribution of roles. In a situation of bullying, there are always instigators, their victims and, of course, persecutors — the bulk of the children who, under the guidance of the instigators, carry out bullying. Sometimes there are neutral observers in the class. In my opinion, observers are no different from persecutors, because by their silence they encourage bullying without preventing it in any way. Often children silently condemn the behavior of aggressive classmates, but do nothing, afraid of becoming the next victim.
“The favorite game of Andrew Sasky (then a mandatory bully and fighter in every class) was to take Colin’s pants off and hide them. While some of us sympathized with Colin, most, I suspect, were glad that he existed: Andrew Sasky was constantly busy with him and did not touch the others ”- this is how he explains this situation typical of many school groups in his novel “Thirty Soon” English writer Michael Gale.
It happens that among classmates there are also defenders of the victim. Sometimes the appearance of a defender can radically change the situation (especially if there are several defenders or their opinion in the class is considered) — most of the pursuers leave the outcast alone, the conflict disappears at the very beginning.
For example, a fifth-grader Sveta, who aspired to become the queen of the class, persuaded her classmates to boycott her rival Natasha. With her ridicule and tricks, Sveta could ruin anyone’s life, so no one wanted to mess with her, although many liked the quiet Natasha. Everyone agreed to participate in the boycott, except for Arkasha. He said that Natasha is his friend, so he will continue to be friends with her. The act of Arkasha, who had not stood out in any way before, studied averagely, could start crying because of a deuce or soiled trousers, fearing punishment, made such an impression on his classmates that Sveta had to leave Natasha alone.
But quite often the defender of an outcast becomes an outcast himself. For example, when, obeying the will of the teacher, a child is forced to sit at the same desk with an outcast, then he can gradually become the object of ridicule, unless he begins to actively take part in the persecution of his desk mate.
Consider the psychological characteristics of the main actors:
- The instigators
- Persecutors
- Casualties
Bullying a child — the origins of hostility
The problem of any children’s team is not only the active rejection or harassment of one of the members of the group (class) — this phenomenon is noticeable to others, and, therefore, it is easier to track and try to stop it at the very beginning. But the fact is that it is very difficult for many children to enter the team, to feel comfortable and confident among their peers. If a child is not offended, but not accepted (for example, they are the last to be selected for a team, they are not rejoiced at his success), then he is no less lonely and bad than a victim of active hostility from his peers. He thinks, «If one day I stop going to school at all, no one will notice.» See →
Types of rejected children
Types of rejected children who are most often attacked. See →
Bullying a child is moral abuse
Most often, an outcast child is not so much physically attacked by peers as verbally. Moral violence includes threats of physical violence, blackmail and swearing (including name-calling). Blackmail is most often associated with a threat to tell adults about something, to give them some kind of offense of the victim if she does not fulfill the requirements of the persecutor. Also used as blackmail is the threat to stop being friends with the victim. See →
Article:
- Nicknames and teasers
- Learning to resist
Outcast children — the consequences of bullying
In 1981, American psychologists Achenbach and Edelbrock conducted a study, the results of which showed that “a child’s confidence in his position can contribute to the development of his skills for living in a team, and rejection by peers entails the development of isolation, but does not lead to a weakening of those features that it is called.» In addition, the difficulty of relationships with peers that appeared in childhood is often a harbinger of emotional distress in the future. See →
Outcast Child in the Classroom (Tips for Teachers and Parents)
The most important thing to remember is: the position of the child in the classroom up to adolescence is 90% dependent on how the teacher treats him. And for first-graders — for all 100. Therefore, if the child does not develop relationships with classmates, the teacher can solve the problem by giving the children a sign that she likes the child, that he has something (it doesn’t matter what, at least wipe off the board) is the best, that he is important and needed in class. See →