«Our taboos protect us»

Psychologies : How does psychoanalysis understand taboo?

Jean-David Nazio: The word «taboo» is borrowed from the Polynesian language, where it means a sacred type of prohibition, that is, a prohibition imposed on a word or action, the use or mention of which is inevitably punished by supernatural forces. Initially, its function was to draw a line between us and sacred things, which made it possible to protect the sacred from dirt, and protect us from the sacred. After all, to enter into too close contact with him is dangerous: it can damage our psyche or physical health, and in addition, violate the world order of things. In psychoanalysis, the term taboo is applied mainly to the sexual sphere. The main taboo of modern Western society is incest, since the relationship between father and daughter, mother and son, brother and sister is sacred and should not be defiled by sexuality. If this prohibition is transgressed, the order of generations and, accordingly, the symbolic order of the world will be violated. A person ceases to understand where his place is. In this sense, a taboo is a prohibition that serves us well. By not breaking taboos, we protect ourselves not only from the chaos and madness, but also from the shame and guilt associated with doing something unacceptable.

Why are practices such as masturbation, anal or oral sex also considered taboo?

J.-D. N.: Unlike incest, society does not impose a ban on these activities. However, talking about them publicly is forbidden. This allows us to protect the intimate sphere — and now it is already sacred: as soon as there is a threat of intrusion into it, we have a feeling of shame. For the same reasons, we will not tell anyone how, for example, we go to the toilet. As a psychoanalyst, citizen, father of a family, and a man, I find it dangerous to attempt to eliminate taboos relating to the area of ​​the intimate.

Usually, when explaining the existence of prohibitions, we refer to upbringing and morality …

J.-D. N.: This is not true. Taboos are innate, they are passed down from generation to generation through our unconscious. There is no need to introduce them through education or moral instruction. I do not need to be forbidden to speak publicly about intimate details related to my body: I ​​immediately feel that I do not want to do this. And if I don’t sleep with my mother, it’s not because morality forbids me to do so. The thought just doesn’t cross my mind, at least not in my mind. Yes, indeed, there are fathers who rape their children. But deviations are found everywhere, both in people, and in the animal and plant world.

Is it possible to call the exchange of partners, swinging fashionable today, a perversion?

J.-D. N.: Not. When I listen to patients who do this, I think that this is mainly a sign that they are having a hard time getting full satisfaction and enjoyment from sex with one partner of their choice. And then they resort to swinging in the hope of getting more pleasure. One way or another, this practice is taboo insofar as it is also not openly spoken about, protecting the couple’s intimate life.

If a partner refuses anal sex or fellatio, does it mean that he has strong internal inhibitions?

J.-D. N.: Not necessary. In the application of this or that sexual practice, there is one true criterion — pleasure. If anal sex or fellatio doesn’t inspire you, don’t force yourself. You can get along just fine without it. Only if a person believes that his internal prohibitions harm his intimate life or his relationship with a partner, then we can talk about pathology. For example, one woman may calmly accept her frigidity, while another suffers greatly from the inability to experience sexual pleasure.

And if a person wants, but does not dare to try some practices, or pleasure in sex seems to him something shameful, can psychoanalysis help him?

J.-D. N.: Certainly. But it depends on his age. At forty, the psyche is not as flexible as at twenty. To eliminate the internal prohibition, you need to work with the patient’s deep fantasies, get to the bottom of those of his ideas that underlie his problems. As a rule, these are unhealthy mental scenarios that give rise to feelings of guilt and fear. If they are unconscious, it is necessary to let them manifest (through the analysis of dreams, our speech). Then we parse them until they lose their overwhelming power. One of my patients, despite being married for a long time, never succeeded in penetrating. In the course of analysis, we were able to understand that the internal blockage was caused by the idea of ​​the female genital organ: in his imagination, he was depicted with a concrete wall that would crush, flatten his penis. Working with such complex cases, the psychoanalyst must also prove himself as a competent sexologist: describing the anatomy, explaining how sexual intercourse is carried out, giving advice.

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In Freud’s time, there were a huge number of sexual taboos. Are we less likely to view sex as a taboo today?

J.-D. N.: Sex is everywhere: on television, in movies, in advertising. In the XNUMXth century, wives did not allow themselves to have a lover so easily. Today it is women who have changed the most. However, the shame remained. The main taboos (those relating to flaunting one’s intimate life) have generally survived. And the expansion of sexual freedom has not increased our capacity for pleasure. Because the possibilities of the body are still limited: a person cannot experience an orgasm a hundred times in a row, even if morality allows it. And most importantly, the more we feel the obligation to be free and uninhibited, the more complexes we experience and the less we use this freedom. In this case, the psyche tries to set its own limits. I can state that calls to be liberated sometimes lead to difficult situations. For example, a person does not engage in anal sex (or does not participate in swinging) and because of this he considers himself notorious: after all, these practices are presented as a necessary experience. This is absurd!