Contents
We live in a world where it is customary to demonstrate firmness by hiding our vulnerability. At the same time, our imperfection, if accepted and comprehended, can become a source of our strength. Those who managed to benefit from their “lack” shared their experience with us.
Everyone’s life begins with a wonderful feeling of weightlessness: for nine months we are surrounded by life-giving warmth, care, and comfort. But there comes a moment, and this native space suddenly begins to shrink, pushing us out. In an effort to get away from pain, we are looking for a way out that will lead us to freedom.
So we find ourselves in a new world that lives according to its own rules and laws unknown to us. This “lost paradise”, the mother’s body, where any needs were immediately satisfied without the slightest effort on our part, is the first and most important reason for the fragility of a person.
“A baby is born completely dependent, imperfect,” says developmental psychologist Tatyana Bednik. – His nervous system is in the process of formation – so he has to learn everything. The babies of all animals need parents to survive, but only children take so long to grow up: about six years to acquire basic survival skills, and then another ten years to master more complex knowledge. Here it is, the crown of creation.
If we were born invulnerable, there would be no language that creates our connection with others.
At the same time, modern society does not accept our vulnerability, equates it with weakness and requires us to constantly prove our strength. Only in extreme situations – illness, loss of loved ones, natural disasters – do we realize how vulnerable we really are. So why not embrace this side of our being and learn to draw strength from it?
Binding force
If we were born invulnerable, there would be no language that creates our connection with others – and we so badly need it at the dawn of our lives. If there were no language, there would be no transfer of experience from generation to generation, no collective memory of mankind. Love, friendship, empathy would remain empty, meaningless words.
Without a person’s recognition of his fragility, there would be no questions, no doubts. So, there would be no science and philosophy, literature, poetry, theater, cinema … There would be only axioms, dogmas, impenetrable armor. William Shakespeare in the play “Measure for Measure” used the expression “glass fragility” to denote the deepest essence of man.
French writer Jean-Claude Carrière in his essay “Fragility” believes that “a character can only touch us if we see in him that very “glass fragility” that we call vulnerability. So this feature of ours is not at all a banal weakness with which nothing can be done: common to all people, our vulnerability becomes the driving force behind any manifestation of ourselves, any emotion, and even beauty.
“I” arises where thought and desire come to me. To accept this state of affairs is to accept one’s own contradictions.
Our “I” (which we want to see as integral, strong, clear) can actually stumble, it is changeable and diverse. The idea of a monolithic personality is far from the real state of our psyche.
We are vulnerable because we are made up of internal contradictions. Sometimes this makes it difficult for us to make decisions, but it also helps us adapt to circumstances, understand opposing points of view, develop, change, search, make discoveries. If we were invulnerable, we would simply not understand each other.
“To accept my fragility is to realize that I cannot be reduced to who I am now, because I can think differently than I think and feel differently than I feel,” writes psychoanalyst Jean-Claude Liauet. – In fact, “I” arises where thought and desire come to me. Accepting this state of affairs means accepting your contradictions instead of repressing them, and appreciating the multiplicity of perspectives. How beautifully Picasso said about this: “If there was only one truth, it would be impossible to write a hundred paintings on one topic”1.
Source of creativity
But it is not easy to get along with a sense of one’s own vulnerability. Failing to recognize it, to give the feeling an outlet, we doom ourselves to introspection, we get hung up on our “weakness”, we feel despondency. Conversely, when we recognize our own vulnerability and use it in creativity, it becomes the main force for the development of our personality. Everyone can, to the best of their ability, overcome their weaknesses through creativity. Take a pen, a brush, a musical instrument or a computer mouse – and now our imperfections take shape, and we have new strengths.
But what about the fears that, when they arise, remind us of our “glass matter”? This is also a way to learn a lot about yourself. Even if it seems strange, even if it is difficult, we can try to hear the desires lurking in us that hide behind any fear – both small and large. Reasonable fears become life-saving limiting lines and, moreover, a powerful engine of personality development.
Sarah Bernhardt, starting a class with one of the new students, asked her: “Are you scared, dear?” “No,” replied the surprised girl. “Don’t worry, talent will come – fear will come,” the great actress replied. Actors are well aware that a well-meaning fear is useful. He mobilizes strength to cope with emotions in an unusual and difficult situation. It gives rise to the need for action, which, in turn … kills fear.
The absence of something desirable and makes us fragile and vulnerable. Desire feeds on what is not available to it
If there is a common weakness in all of us, it is the fear of death. But it can also turn into a different side, it can inspire us to act differently. Isn’t it logical to live our fragile life in the best possible way, knowing that we are mortal? The finiteness of our existence means that we need to listen to true desires, to our deep individuality, instead of “cloning” the desires of others.
In turn, our desires stem from another fundamental vulnerability—a sense of lack. After all, we desire something precisely when we lack it. The absence of something desirable and makes us fragile and vulnerable. Desire feeds on what is inaccessible to it.
“We become human when we have to sublimate the desires that have been living in us since childhood, directing them to socially acceptable constructive goals,” says Jean-Claude Liodet. – To satisfy the desire for omnipotence, some become outstanding athletes, while others grow a new variety of tomatoes. The main thing is to find the way of self-realization that suits us.”
From our weaknesses, uniqueness, opportunities, strengths are born. Each of us can set rules for ourselves that would take into account our “glass fragility”. In general, it’s about acknowledging your vulnerability and finding … pleasure in it.
“Lack of ambition got me where I wanted to be”
Alina, news agency journalist
“I am so unambitious that my mother was seriously worried at one time: I never aspired to the first places, I was a quiet, non-initiative schoolgirl. But the absence of vanity, ambition gave me the opportunity to calmly accept everything that life offers. I do not fight for a place on the career ladder (it does not matter to me), but I conscientiously do what I have to do and do what floats into my hands.
So, once I was offered to translate several articles from foreign magazines. As a result, I work where I dreamed of being all my youth: as a journalist-translator in a Western news agency. It seemed that I was walking with my usual obedience on a random path, but in the end it led me to the right place.
“My passion for food has turned into a profession”
Vladimir, glossy magazine editor
“I have always loved good food. As a result, he became interested in collecting recipes, cooking various dishes, became a gourmet and gained extra pounds. More and more often friends came to me with a specific purpose: they knew that they were waiting for a dinner, and not a simple one, but an exquisite one.
I gained a lot of weight, tried to do something with my weight and lifestyle, somehow appease the passion for cooking and subsequent savoring. And as a result, I started writing about restaurants. I became a regular visitor, a benevolent but stern critic in many establishments, a specialist in spices and condiments. At some point, my figure returned to normal. And the “gastronomic passion” was transformed into a cold-blooded and frank professionalism.”
“My awkwardness helps me to be sincere”
Olga, manager in a financial company
“Since childhood, I have been clumsy and uncomfortable in any society. I didn’t seem to know any common rules. She didn’t know what to say, how to behave, she didn’t know how to flirt, she wasn’t secular. And at some point, when I was fourteen years old, I spat on these attempts to behave correctly and said to myself: yes, I can’t do it. I’m not like everyone else – well, then I’ll be “strange”!
“You are not like anyone,” my adult friends and girlfriends say today. I am aware of my uniqueness and still struggle to live “by the rules,” which confuses—and often delights—the people I know. And I perceive my clumsiness as spontaneity and sincerity. I like it that way.”
1 J.-C. Liaudet “The joy of being fragile”. Albin Michel, 2007.