My friends believe: if you come to visit them, you must first crawl on the floor with their daughter Sonya, draw with her. Then you should ask questions about her progress. This is followed by a small demonstration of these successes. If you do not do this, Sonya will be offended and complain to her parents.
Friends living in the Moscow region came to visit: mother Yana, father Semyon and daughter Sonya, six years old.
The whole day we had fun at my house, then we went to the yard on the hill, then again at home. Quite a lot of time has passed, and now I want to go to visit them.
I agree with Yana by phone. He speaks:
— By the way, Sonya was unhappy with your last visit.
Wow manners in a six-year-old — she will still evaluate the meeting of adults. I ask:
— How is it — dissatisfied?
— He says: why didn’t they ask how I was doing, didn’t ask me to read poetry, didn’t play with me?
— What should have been?
— Certainly! Well, I told her: they just don’t have their own children, and they don’t know how to communicate with those who have them …
I think: yes, what nonsense, Yana also promised Sonya that next time we would come “prepared” for proper communication and almost from the threshold we would start rolling the girl on our shoulders and building a headquarters with her in a room of blankets.
If I say directly to Yana: they say, I’m going to her and Semyon, and not to little Sonya at all, she will definitely be offended
— Actually, we will come to visit you, not Sonya.
— It doesn’t matter. A colleague sometimes comes to me — so he crawls with Sonya on all fours, they play something of their own, they laugh. And in general, you can talk to her, ask how she is doing, she will tell. Come on the weekend, Semyon will be at home too.
That’s the whole dialogue. To be honest, I’m shocked. And from the situation, and from the prospect of meeting with Yana and Semyon. I think I’ll round off the conversation without specifics: they say, we need to look at the calendar, when we can, I’ll write or call you.
I hang up and start thinking. It was quite clearly hinted to me that the rules for visiting their house included the obligatory crawling on the floor with Sonya, asking about her progress and demonstrating her progress. After the «mandatory program» you can finally communicate with adults. That is, when I leave the guests, having fulfilled the rules, Sonya will not be offended to ask her mother: “Why didn’t anyone ask how I read poetry?”, And everyone will be happy.
But there’s a problem. Six-year-old Sonya is absolutely not interesting to me, and I don’t know how to pretend. That is, no, not like that: Sonya is interesting to me, but not enough to come to visit her. And after this conversation with Yana, I’ll tell you honestly, I don’t want to visit them at all. I even think to delay the visit until the moment when Sonya finally goes to school. Just wait a year. For some reason, it seems to me that with their schoolchildren, these crazy parents no longer torment their friends as much as they do with preschoolers.
But, oh my, what if I’m wrong?
Probably, you can try to come to Yana on weekdays, when Sonya is in kindergarten and the question of mandatory crawling will disappear by itself. But then there will be no Semyon, but I really want to meet him. Suppose, in order to avoid Sonya, poetry and crawling, I arrive on weekdays, Seeds is not at home, Yana is, and Sonya, for example, is also at home — she caught a cold and did not go to the garden. And what will I do then?
And if I tell Yana directly: they say, I’m going to her and to Semyon, and not to little Sonya at all, she will definitely be offended. Or even worse: he won’t give a look, but he will hold a grudge.
I like it when children live a child’s life, and adults — an adult, and if they intersect, then by mutual desire
I start to remember other friends who have small children. For example, Natasha — she has three children of different ages, including six-year-old Anya. Anya can climb on my knees, kiss me, show me her latest drawing. Then the children leave to watch cartoons or play something. From time to time one of them comes to his parents for some need like candy, gets it and goes back to the others.
I really like this format of communication and it does not bother me at all. I like it when children live a child’s life, and adults live an adult life, and if they intersect, then without tension and by mutual desire. But with the tyrant Sonya and her mother, this will not work. It’s worth an adult to have a few words with the girl, and Yana is right there — joins the conversation, catches and evaluates every word said to her daughter.
Another example is a friend Anya and her son Fedya. Fedya is «his own» among adults from birth. For his mother, at the age of six, he is a full-fledged companion, has been on a hundred trips with her and is really quite an interesting conversationalist. In the company of adults, he does not pull the blanket over himself, but communicates in a dosed and appropriate way, like an adult. And I must say, as soon as some children appear nearby, Fedya immediately abandons these boring adults and is only interested in peers. Talking to Fedya is easy and pleasant, you don’t have to force yourself. And his mother Anya does not need any «obligation» from adults.
I have another six-year-old friend, Grisha. Compared to him, Sonya is an angel in general. The whole family revolves around Grisha, like the planets of the solar system. Grisha does not allow his parents to talk to anyone without immediately jumping into the conversation. Therefore, his father speaks on the phone only when he smokes on the street: at home, the son will not let him say a word. Having visited Grisha’s parents once, I think that I will be able to communicate with them live only when Grisha gets married. So we’re friends on the phone.
But what should I do with Yana and Semyon and their tyrannical daughter Sonya? How to go to visit them and not quarrel?
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