Jeanne is unhappy in marriage, but prefers not to talk about it with her husband — it is better to pretend that everything is in order. Edward knows that the waste from the factory he runs is poisoning the water; he tries his best to keep the truth from coming out, but he worries himself. Alexandra is a doctor herself and often appears in the press as an expert; two years ago she was diagnosed with cancer, but she does not want to know about it, so she is being treated in secret from everyone.
One of the most severe stresses for laboratory monkeys is moving to another cage: the animal finds itself in a new group, where social status must be won again. Man in this sense is like a monkey: he also holds on to his place in the pack and does not want to take risks.
It is difficult for us not to adapt to the expectations of others (the ones we imagine them to be). Even when we suffer because our role in society does not correspond — or no longer corresponds — to our life values and aspirations, it is still difficult to free ourselves from social pressure.
Even Aristotle spoke about the process of «self-fulfillment» of man. For him, every living being is like a grain, which should become a unique plant. Therefore, each person must reach the end along the path of his own development and realize everything that is laid down in him. Two and a half thousand years later, Abraham Maslow, the remarkable humanistic psychologist who pioneered the psychology of personal development in the 1960s, began to study people who feel happier than others. Like Aristotle, he came to the conclusion that they are better «actualized», that is, further advanced in the implementation of their «I». Most importantly, they accepted themselves as they are, and then turned this gift of theirs to others*.
Professor Steve W. Cole from the University of San Francisco (USA) showed that our body wants us to accept ourselves. For five years he observed more than two hundred homosexuals. By the last phase of the study, it turned out that those who hide their orientation are three times more likely to have cancer and serious infections.
Many authors conclude that our immune system needs to feel that we are living in harmony with ourselves, that we are “real” in order to function optimally, even if we risk not pleasing the group to which we belong**.
We all live in masks, pretending to be a little bit or completely hiding our face. But the courage to be yourself seems to be part of life itself and is built into even our cells. And everyone has to answer the challenge that nature throws at us.
* A. Maslow. «New frontiers of human nature». Meaning, 1999.** S. Cole, M. Kemeny et al. Health Psychology, vol. 15 (4), 1996.