Too receptive, too vulnerable, emotionally fragile — why can’t sensitive children just be like everyone else? This is how nature created them. And if you create a supportive environment for them, this feature of them can turn into an advantage.
In our culture, the word «sensitive» has a negative connotation. By calling a person too sensitive, we imply that he is weak and devalue his feelings. However, if the environment is favorable to them and supports them, such people exceed any, even the wildest expectations.
Every fifth person on the planet is classified as sensitive. These people are more susceptible to environmental factors, both positive and negative. Sensitive children are like orchids: if planted in favorable soil, they will bloom. But if they fall into adverse conditions, they will suffer much more than “dandelion” children, who are not so closely connected with the environment.
Years of research have shown that orchid children exhibit a specific set of psychological symptoms. In the process of observing several thousand children, my colleagues and I noticed that one in five children reacted to stress more acutely than most of their peers. In response to mild stressors, these children had higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol and more quickly activated the fight-or-flight response. The remaining 80% of children reacted to the same stress factors much weaker and more slowly.
Children who responded more strongly to stress showed more wave activity in the prefrontal cortex on the right side of the brain. This area is responsible for emotion regulation, impulse control, and planning. In sensitive children, the skin on the forehead was colder on the right side, and the inner ear on the right was warmer than on the left. This means that blood is rushing to the right side of the prefrontal cortex to provide oxygen to excited neurons working to regulate emotions.
In one study, we assessed children before they entered first grade and then reassessed before entering seventh grade. We found that the success of orchid children is largely influenced by the teacher. If sensitive children had a difficult relationship with the teacher in the first grade, then by the seventh grade they noted a number of psychological problems. In contrast, children who had virtually no conflicts with their first teacher showed a low level of psychological problems. At the same time, the development of dandelion children did not depend on the relationship with the teacher.
Create space for your child to express their own opinions and treat them with respect
Other studies show the same pattern for physical health: When sensitive children grow up in a supportive, developmental environment, they become the healthiest of their peers and are less susceptible to infection and injury. If they grow up in an unfavorable environment, then they get sick more often than other children.
Why did nature create people so sensitive to environmental conditions? The explanation is related to the concept of conditional adaptation. In the human body, there are mechanisms for tracking changes in the environment and adapting biological development. For most people, an average level of adaptation is sufficient. However, nature has created a special part of the population that reacts faster to adverse environmental conditions, and achieves outstanding results in favorable conditions. Thus, the chances of survival of the human species are increased.
Usually adults perceive the sensitivity of children as something bad. Out of the best of intentions, they advise children not to be a doormat, to pull themselves together and become stronger. But excessive exposure to adverse factors can be detrimental to an orchid child.
If you are raising a sensitive child, you need to move away from traditional principles and direct all your efforts towards creating a favorable environment around him. Create a clear daily routine that will give the child a sense of stability and predictability. Choose a school with a positive classroom atmosphere and competent teachers. Create space for your child’s own opinions to be expressed and treat them with respect. Support his hobbies and interests, allocate time for games and fantasies.
In favorable conditions, sensitive children grow into successful adults.