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According to statistics, most women consider themselves much fatter than they are. What is the reason for this discrepancy? Why so much self-criticism? And how can we learn to see ourselves correctly from the outside?
It doesn’t matter how natural we are: round, tall, bony, or athletic. Judging by the surveys, most women believe that they need to lose a few kilos. They suffer after eating a piece of cake. Suffer from obsessive thoughts about obesity. About swollen thighs. Bulging belly. Plump hands. Why, having reached heights in a career, having an arranged personal life, dressing with taste and traveling, we can’t believe our body?
Your look
“It’s not that I seem fatter to myself, but that others see me thinner than in reality! They don’t want to notice my extra pounds!” Elena, 26, says. The girl is slender as a reed, but she thinks otherwise: “I have a naturally thin bone. Therefore, every time I stand on the scales, I think that with an ordinary skeleton I would weigh 15 kg more.
But her fears don’t end there. Every time she fits into size XS, Elena is sure that the brand has changed the cut for commercial reasons. In general, he always finds something to complain about. And, judging by the statement of the French National Institute for Demographic Research, such as Elena, the majority: 60% of Europeans consider themselves full.
Scientists even deduced the ratio of the real female body mass index and the utopian one that they dream of achieving. No matter how funny, but the difference between reality and fiction is minimal! The average body mass index of girls is 24,5, and their ideal is 19,8! Why then all these experiences? Why hate mirrors in fitting rooms? By the way, they are often set so that the reflection looks slimmer. But even if they put a crooked mirror there that turns us into dystrophics, the same Elena would find a reason for discontent.
The Paris Mysteries
Denise, a young woman in S-size trousers, came to an appointment with the famous French psychoanalyst Jean-Claude Liodet. She was accompanied by her husband, to whom she said the day before: “I want to lose weight so that you love me even more.” “But you look great to me!” – answered the dumbfounded man and led her to a psychologist – a purely French approach.
“He says this to please me, but in fact he thinks differently,” says Deniz, left alone with the specialist. “These are all excuses. Believe me, in fact, women lose weight not for the sake of someone, but for themselves. They strive to live up to the ideal, the parameters of which they once drove into their heads, ”explains Dr. Liodet after the departure of the couple. He became convinced that women began to consider excessive and unhealthy thinness as the norm.
We can say that we are experiencing a new form of puritanism. Being super slim in a world teeming with food has become a sign of belonging to a particular social group, a way to be different from others. Yes, and how to maintain clarity of self-perception, when advice is pouring in from all sides, how to lose weight, hone and bring your body to the ideal? Moreover, such powerful industries as cosmetology, plastic surgery, nutrition and fitness are behind all this. If tomorrow we all love ourselves, an army of specialists will be left without work.
pamper yourself
Originally from childhood
“Draw a full-length picture of yourself on the board,” asks Dr. Liodet to the next visitor, who also came to him with obsessive thoughts about slimness. Anna conditionally outlines her silhouette on a board standing vertically in her office. And when she then leans against the image, she is surprised to realize that she made it much wider. Approximately 2 cm on each side.
“You still have sane self-esteem,” the doctor comments, “it happens that ladies add 10 cm to themselves. Especially in problem areas. You have no idea how big their own thighs seem!” What is the reason for such mass blindness? Jean-Claude Liode believes that, like many other problems, the fear of fullness comes from childhood.
Women with low self-esteem believe that they would be loved more and all misfortunes would recede if they were slimmer.
“If a mother constantly and aloud worried about being overweight, considering herself fat, the daughter will automatically treat herself the same way. Mom is the daughter’s first identification model, on the basis of which she creates the basis of her femininity. Anna agrees with him, remembering that every morning her parents began with floor scales, which determined what she would have for dinner: salad and mains or just salad.
“But it’s not just about mom’s diets,” says the doctor. Much depends on the methods of education. A child who is often praised, encouraged, and criticized without being insulted can then have positive self-esteem. The one who was mercilessly scolded and called names will underestimate himself. In particular, it is inadequate to perceive one’s own dimensions.
Let’s get to know each other better
“From 15 to 37 years old, I considered myself fat,” Alexandra recalls. – Moreover, the weight of those years was ideal, but then I did not think so. When size XS always bought M to hide the body. I was always on a diet. And even dropping pounds, continued to feel too full. But during visits to a psychologist, it turned out that I had a wrong self-perception. My own image was obscured by the image of my fat mother. It was her, not myself, that I saw in the mirror. In other words, I was inflated by family complexes. Now I am gradually learning to see myself as real. Not at all fat, as it turned out.
Understanding the role of the psychological environment is the best way to break out of the vicious circle. But sometimes the desire to hide behind a fictional fullness becomes a good refuge from problems. Many women with low self-esteem believe that they would be loved more and all misfortunes would recede if they were slimmer. Ah, if only everything was explained so simply!
“I’m not confident in myself… and even less confident in my body! – 25-year-old Marina almost cries. I never wear short sleeves or open tops. I’m on a diet all the time, because I consider myself the fattest of everyone in the company. On the street, I feel like all the fat women I meet. When my boyfriend says it’s not, I’m sure he would love me more if I was skinnier. And I would consider this love more deserved.
Like her, psychologists, in addition to other recommendations, also prescribe obligatory, scrupulous body care – scrubs, saunas, self-massage with fragrant oil and enveloping cream. Such regular, caring tactile contact will help not only make the skin soft and silky, but also come to terms with its forms. Accept, love, realize that they are not so huge and imperfect as you thought.
Professionals even insist that for the duration of such self-acceptance therapy, you refuse the services of massage therapists, bath attendants and other assistants. Even if they do their job properly and help you lose weight. The body is your friend. And with friends you need to communicate without intermediaries.