Being alone when you’re in your XNUMXs is weird. You lived with your loved one, and suddenly your soulmate is taken away by an incurable transient illness. Everything has to start over. Both of my grandfathers lost their wives and started a second family. Apparently, this is my fate …
“The car will be cheaper”
It seems that the modern world has done everything so that there are no lonely people left. There are dozens of dating sites on the Internet. I read reviews on the net and settled on three – LovePlanet, 24open and eDarling.
Posted questionnaires. He began to correspond with automatically selected women. There were few of them. The first two sites seem to be free, but in fact, in order to be interested in you, you need to raise yourself in the rankings for money. I didn’t pay anything, and soon my profile was in… 3nd place.
I noticed that the same ladies are in the first places in the ranking. I wrote to one such person, who introduced herself as a “worker in the medical field”, invited me on a date. The answer discouraged: “I am ready to meet with you. The car will be cheaper. My rates…”
It turned out that priestesses of love are behind many promoted profiles. So LovePlanet and 24open refused.
“I need more than just a woman by my side”
The eDarling site works on a different principle: you immediately pay money for a certain period, and a candidate is selected for you according to your desires and test results. He posted a questionnaire: “172 cm, atheist, academic degree. Not handsome. Thoughtful but cheerful. I love literature, traveling, walking, music. Introvert. Creative, intelligent, optimistic, reliable. I need not just a woman nearby, but an interlocutor, comrade, colleague, and also the mother of my unborn child. I understand that at my age it is almost impossible to find such a soul mate, but I do not intend to compromise.
Every day the site began to supply me with 10 – 20 candidates. I study the questionnaire after the questionnaire: this one is past, and this one, and this one … But there are those on which I hold my gaze. They are written simply and sincerely: “I want to meet a man – a friend, lover, partner. A person with whom it will be, maybe not always easy, but certainly interesting. Which you want to take care of, surprise, delight … “
I enter into correspondence with several.
“I have five children. Why don’t you want to date?”
We exchange information: who likes what books, films, performances, music, what he does in his free time, why he was left alone. Someone opens up immediately, like Zulfiya: “I work as a cook. Min has five children. They are now in Tashkent with the matter of her husband. We are divorced … You do not answer. Why don’t you want to date me?” (Spelling preserved. – Ed.)
Someone gradually, like Nadezhda: “I have a lot of respect for smart men. Yes, and I myself have always been successful with smart men. But when a person calls himself smart and beautiful, usually selfishness, narcissism or something like that is behind this.
I understand that in five minutes of a personal meeting you will understand more about the interlocutor than in six months of correspondence or telephone chatter. So I’m going on a date.
In a cafe I meet with Yulia – a baba, one of those that “stop a galloping horse, enter a burning hut.” But I don’t have a horse, and the apartment, thank God, is not on fire …
Next, Vera is a classic blue stocking. An interesting person, who knows a lot, but as a woman does not attract …
Venus is a beautiful Asian woman. She was married twice, had two sons. He complains that the children have grown up as mumbles, “like their fathers.” I feel that she doesn’t really like me, and I understand why: for the third time she wants to step on the same rake, she again needs a mumble man to command him. And I’m not like that…
“Summer resident, freeloader, sexy cat”
After several dozen meetings (which, alas, ended in nothing), I compiled a classification of women aged 45-55 who are looking for a soul mate.
“Dachnitsa”. She loves to dig in the ground, grow cucumbers, tomatoes, flowers: “I love the cottage, knitting, sawing trees.”
“Traveler”. She needs a travel partner. May declare his hobbies: “Spicy vacation on the beach or playing nurse.”
“The owner of the house.” Controls everyone around. Especially zealously after she “made a mistake by marrying an unworthy one.”
“Untouchable”. With a sigh, as if for the first time in his life, he will allow himself to be kissed on the thirty-fifth date. Will lie down in bed only after the promise to marry. I am convinced that nondescript sex with her is a great happiness for any man.
“Not of this world”. Fiercely believes in fate, stars, Kabbalah or something else.
“Sexy Cat” Usually clamped in youth and liberated after the first marriage. She can write about herself: “A fiery and passionate muse who loves to experiment.”
“The Freeloader”. A lover of drinking, eating, having fun at the expense of an inviting partner.
“Ordinary Woman” A good person, pretty, but without bright features, doesn’t stand out in any way: “I work, I go for walks, I go shopping, I visit.”
“Chief, is everything gone?”
After a few months, disappointment sets in. I think: maybe the bar is too high? Or am I somehow scaring off my counterparts?
I analyze what my virtual acquaintances told about their meetings with men.
Katya: “Scammers are constantly hovering around. Either they don’t have enough money for the business, or they broke the car and asks for repairs.” I’m definitely not a scammer.
Laura: “Some solid losers are rolling up, they can only envy others and blame the state for their misfortunes.” Personally, I am proud of my life achievements.
Lyuba: “Tired of” pen pals “. They write two or three letters a day, but they don’t go to a real meeting.” I am the most real.
Bella: “So many married people who just want to have fun…” I’m not married.
Marina: “Some unkempt, like homeless people. It’s disgusting to watch when they go on Skype in an alcoholic T-shirt. One on a date “under gas” came. I delicately pointed this out to him, and he was so cheerful to me: “But I’m always like that!” This is also not about me.
Zoya: “There are enough concerned. One, just met, calls in the middle of the night: “Take a taxi and come to me in Khimki, I came from the Night Hockey League match, I really want you.”
No, it seems that I’m not so bad … Apparently, I just haven’t been lucky yet.
Note
Photos and personal data that can scare away the stronger sex
The first thing you pay attention to in profiles on dating sites is a photo. Personally, I don’t even try to meet women who:
– do not publish their portrait (this is simply unfair: they see my photo);
– they pose with a gloomy face (if this is in the photo, then what is it in life?);
– in dark glasses (hiding something?);
– sit in an embrace with a bottle or mug of beer;
– in strange clothes or strange poses (not looking for a strange woman);
– in too defiant clothes (I am looking for a woman not only for intimate relationships);
– publish a lot of photos (too much love themselves);
– give too short questionnaires;
– pseudonyms are indicated instead of real names: Watercolor, Fire, Fairy. Usually prostitutes hide under them.
– they write in capital screaming letters: “I SING … AND I RUN)))) IN WINTER SKIING … AND IN THE FOREST …”
– they assure that they have a higher education, but due to illiteracy or negligence they make mistakes: “I want a reliable, faithful, secular man”, “careful, restrained” …
And there was another case
“I found my Gosh”
One woman wrote: “I like you…” In the questionnaire, Anastasia said about herself: “I manage the course of life.” And in the photo – a female leader in business clothes at her desk, a stern look.
He answered her: “You will scare away all the men with such photographs and personal data.” Anastasia agreed: “Yes, no one wants to meet, although not a freak.” I explained to her that neither I nor the vast majority of men would like to have a leader at home. Bosses at work, bosses at home, where can you relax? He advised me to change the photo and work with the words in the questionnaire.
After a few days of joint efforts, we made Anastasia a very attractive profile. I wished her, as in the film “Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears”, to find her Gosh. Anastasia thanked me and … disappeared. A few weeks later she announced:
“Alexander, you have no idea how you helped me! The next day, as we brought my profile on the site to mind, I received a letter from an interesting person. We met… We’ve been dating for three weeks now! I am so happy. With your help, I found my Gosha. True, his name is Victor … “
Call psychologist
“Remove the rose-colored glasses”
“The success of dating on the Internet depends not only on luck, but also on the person himself, his mood, ability to make contact,” says Vladislav Sorokopudova, a practicing psychologist and psychotherapist. – Often a person rushes to search for relationships in order to get rid of painful loneliness, and this is not the best motive, because initially the other person is considered as a means to solve his own problem.
Often a person goes to a dating site with an exorbitant list of requirements and dismisses everyone who does not fit into this framework.
– It is believed that the task is complicated by the infinity of choice. Too many options! A person cannot stop, he thinks: I will find someone even better, and even better, and more …
– In fact, if there is a problem with stopping and making a choice, it is a matter of maturity and psychological well-being of the individual. Perhaps a person simply does not have values or he does not know how to rely on them in his choice.
Having decided to get acquainted on the Internet, you should not:
- to think that everyone came there with the same goals as yourself. This will lead to disappointment, because all people are different.
- take full responsibility for what happens. For example, to think that if you come across an unpleasant person as an interlocutor (rude, makes obscene proposals, etc.), then the problem is with you, not with him.
- wear pink or, conversely, black glasses. Realism can become an alternative to optimism and pessimism: when we see real, living people, we have living feelings for them, we try, we make mistakes, we try again, we give ourselves a good chance to find our person.