One of the parents is cheating. What to do?

The betrayal of one of the parents is often perceived as a betrayal. This situation is confusing. What to do next? What will happen to our family? How could mom/dad do this? Am I to blame for what happened?

It is difficult for a child of any age to cope with emotions and understand how to do the right thing. So it happened with the heroine of our story.

The young girl was never close to her father – the mother was engaged in raising children in this family. Dad, disappearing at work and business trips, in rare hours of communication with his daughter only criticized and humiliated her.

Growing up, the girl began to notice some oddities: the smell of women’s perfume on her parent’s clothes, returning home too late. Her guesses about an affair on the side were confirmed when she saw a message on the screen of her father’s phone: “Last night was amazing. Can’t wait to see you again.”

The girl could not cope with her feelings and told her mother what had happened. She, in turn, took no action, asking her daughter not to worry about what happened and let the adults solve their problems on their own.

The girl’s father again began to criticize her, compare her with a successful cousin and discuss her disrespectful attitude towards him. To all this, the girl replied: “It is difficult to respect you when you openly cheat on your mother,” which shocked those present.

Dinner was held, as they say, in full force: grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins ​​and siblings – all witnessed the storm that broke out. Upon returning home, the girl received furious messages from members of her family – they accused her of destroying her parents’ marriage. The heroine of our story could only find support in her mother – she said that she understood her anger and disappointment in her father.

We, too, can understand the girl – her father humiliated her in front of other people, belittled her dignity, and she gave him a fair rebuff. On the other hand, she used a situation in which an innocent person appeared – her mother. The girl did not give her parents the opportunity to solve this problem in private.

Maybe her mother did not want publicity of the conflict? Nevertheless, one can only sympathize with a child in such a situation. The divorce of parents is not the most pleasant process, and if it is associated with betrayal, it is a hundred times more difficult to accept such a situation.

What to do when you find out about the betrayal of a parent?

Deal with your feelings

Many in such a situation are shocked, for a long time they cannot believe what happened. They feel anger and hostility towards the parent caught cheating, fear for the family, guilt and shame in front of the other parent. Such a tangle of heavy and complex feelings is difficult to keep inside, so it is very important to let them out.

If you are not yet ready to discuss this with anyone, vent your feelings in your diary. Describe the situation as you perceived it. Be sure to pay attention to your feelings and emotions: what you experienced when you found out about the betrayal, what you feel when you write about it.

Talk to the parent you caught cheating

So that suspicion is not speculation or disturbing fantasy, you need to calmly figure it out. This conversation is needed to clarify the situation and return responsibility for what happened to the adult. Your mom or dad has unwittingly hurt you, and it’s their job to help you overcome stress and regain your resilience.

Be sure to share your feelings with your parent. What is important is not promises that this will not happen again, but specific proposals on how he will deal with this situation without your further participation. This is his responsibility.

Give the parent time to confess

The relationship of two adults is exclusively their business. For you, a child, this burden is unbearable, because you love both parents equally, and it is impossible to make a choice in this situation. And you don’t need to.

“Revealing the truth” in this case is no valor. However, it is not worth covering up for an adult – you just need to give him time and the opportunity to correct a mistake or understand himself.

If you nevertheless told about the betrayal and consider yourself to blame for the breakup, you need to talk with the parent and talk about your feelings. As a rule, the parent is able to convince the child that he is not to blame for the divorce.

You don’t have to socialize with new siblings

Don’t try to force yourself to be friends with them. The most important thing is to maintain a relationship with a parent who has gone to another family. It is worth talking frankly about how and in what quantity he will spend time alone with you so that your connection does not break off.

How to forgive a parent?

Do not hurry. Talk to him as often and as frankly as possible. The main thing you need to understand is that parents are adults and have the right to be happy. You don’t have to try to forgive them right away. Give yourself time. Perhaps understanding will come later.