Evgeny Osin read for us Tal Ben-Shahar’s book “The Perfectionist Paradox”
“Have you, for example, experienced this: when you made a large purchase, you spent a lot of time choosing the best option, and as a result, you experienced only fatigue and annoyance because of this spent time? Has it ever happened that success in some business did not bring joy, but disappointment, because you expected a better result? Or another situation: on the way to some goal, you rely on the ideal outcome, do not think about possible obstacles, and in the end they completely unsettle you. Does this happen to you? If, like me, you too often ignore the price of achieving a desired goal, then you, like me, are a hardened perfectionist, and Tal Ben-Shahar’s book was written for you and me to help us live a little easier.
From a strictly scientific point of view, this book is imperfect: it does not contain abstruse classifications of types of perfectionism, detailed explanations of its causes (with excursions into early childhood), and a review of numerous studies of this problem. But if you strive to read only impeccable books and, having read the previous phrase, have somewhat lost interest, then this book is definitely for you.
Tal Ben-Shahar, psychologist, business coach, author of several bestselling books on the psychology of happiness. Since 2004, he has taught at Harvard, where his courses have become one of the most popular in the history of the university. He currently works at the Center for Interdisciplinary Studies (Herzliya, Israel).
The Perfectionist Paradox by Tal Ben Shahar
Translation from English by Mikhail Tabenkin.
Mann, Ivanov and Ferber, 256 p.
Telling the story of his own life, Tal Ben-Shahar draws a line between the natural desire for the ideal – optimalism – and perfectionism, when, due to excessive craving for the intended goal, we begin to ignore reality, stop appreciating our own successes and take into account the possibility of failures, so the number of disappointments in life is overwhelming. The author talks about how perfectionism affects work, study, relationships, and also offers questions and exercises that will help the reader better understand to what extent and in what areas of life this trait is characteristic of him.
Read more:
- I want to get everything at once
As you read the book thoughtfully, you’ll find ways to approach situations from an optimalist point of view: don’t waste your energy trying to change everything all at once, but focus on those issues that require priority attention; striving for the best, set clear and achievable goals; be grateful to fate and people for the good that already exists in life and what has been achieved. Even if perfectionism, as the author believes, cannot be completely eliminated, we are able to look at the situation from different points of view and sometimes behave as optimalists – so that not only the brief moments of achieving goals, but the very path to them, which makes up most of the life, brought us joy and satisfaction.