Tell me, please, how to solve this situation — my husband has an assistant at work (he is a director and owner). She is a single woman of 38 years old, attractive appearance.
Has been in constant contact with my husband for quite a long period of time. And he spends a lot of time at work, which is very important to him. Do I have reason to worry about such communication? And what is the right thing to do in such a situation so that a romance does not arise?
First: you need to fill your daily communication with your husband with warm feelings: any of his stay in the family should be colored with warm emotions — with your help, with the help of children or grandchildren (if they already exist).
Second: A woman who spends a lot of time in your man’s life should be present in your life. You should be familiar with her, and it will be generally fine if you establish friendly relations.
Do this not even for the purpose of control, but simply from the position of a wife who wants to live the same life with her husband, the same interests.
Even if a woman turns out to be objectively the one that could potentially attract your man, instead of fear and hostility, show a lively interest and friendliness towards her, her life and her hobbies.
The degree of intimacy may be different, but becoming a person who is not indifferent to her life, you can get to know your man and his life that goes on without you much better in communication with other people. And also, it is quite possible that you will be able to find another friend in your life. Especially if she has been your husband’s colleague for decades, his reliable assistant. Then the best thing is for you to become accomplices in creating the best conditions for the professional realization of your husband. You can always give her hints about his habits and also share with your husband — did I notice that this and that is important for you? I told your secretary that this was important to you! And now in the eyes of her husband — not only she takes care of him, but first of all you, with her help. And then the husband will not have to — not to be surprised, not to admire: how well she understands him! His wife understands and knows him well, and shares this valuable knowledge with his assistant!
See video blog E.V. Goncharova on youtube
If you see that friendly relations between you are not being established, although you have taken steps in this direction, think about why?
Is it the woman herself who does not contact you, or is it you who do not know how to establish relationships with new people? If you don’t know how, then you should start learning how to do it. And here you need step-by-step help from a specialist.
If you have never had problems in establishing friendships, then again think about it — did you yourself treat the woman sincerely, with interest and kindness? If this is the case, but the person does not make contact, since he is not contact and not friendly, this is one version of events. And, most likely, a non-contact woman is not the kind of woman who knows how to create a strong emotional connection with a man. Therefore, with such a woman, you have no subject for your concern.
If a woman is characterized as a light and contact person, but she doesn’t make contact with you, yes, there is reason to think. And here you already need to work with a specialist to analyze the situation and neutralize the situation that this woman creates in your life. Just as in the case — if a woman has made contact, is «friends» with you, but you constantly feel how she competes with you. It is possible that you do not designate her behavior with such a term as competitive, just when communicating, you always feel some kind of discomfort, dissatisfaction. If there are such feelings, then you also need a specialist who will help you neutralize the competitive behavior of another woman, help you transfer her to a different communication format: help you put her in the place on the scale of your husband’s relationship hierarchy that she has the right to.
The answer to the question raised in the letter sounds rather short — warm relations in the family and with the people around your family. But here, in order to implement it, you need to know a lot.
Firstly, it is good to know how a warm atmosphere is created in your family, warm feelings among your family members.
Secondly, you need to be able to be interested in the lives of other people so that they want to share this life with you, to let you into it.
Thirdly, you need to be able to establish friendly relations with strangers, different in psychotype.
Fourth, you need to be able to neutralize the competitive behavior of other people towards you.
There are no detailed explanations on the topic of these psychological skills in this article. Since the skills that I outlined are developed not by reading articles, but by methodically working with a life coach.
Therefore, to whom personal relationships are dear, they work very closely with coaches.
There are those who cherish industrial relationships at some point in their lives, and many, many come to coaching specifically to create effective career-enhancing relationships. There are those who work on relationships with loved ones, with relatives.
But for many, many, it is already becoming a clear fact that psychological skills must be actively worked on. They don’t fall on their own. Yes, sometimes we are lucky, and we get something automatically from communicating with competent parents, talented teachers. But most often, it is acquired without special programs and revisions — what is, is what it is. Therefore, there is a shortage in psychological skills. And the gap needs to be filled. And if there is a desire for maximum achievements, then you need to work with a coach.
Many modern strategically thinking people include this expense item in their budget. And personally, I am happy with this approach, because I see excellent life results from such investments in myself.