She is a world-famous psychologist and an amazingly cheerful person. In 1944-1945, she survived the Nazi death camps and decades later wrote an autobiography that became a bestseller. On January 27, when the whole world honors the memory of the victims of the Holocaust, let’s talk about the psychotherapist Edith Eva Eger
Amazing woman
The book by Edith Eger, which is called «The Choice», came to me right now, and I believe that this is not accidental. As usual, I was flipping through the tape and suddenly came across the headline: «There were no antidepressants in Auschwitz.» I opened the link. A very young woman looked at me from the photograph, who, as it turned out later, had crossed the 90-year mark. There was so much light and so much life in her eyes and smile that I could not tear myself away from the photo. I read the interview. Downloaded the book. It hasn’t even been a couple of nights since I read it.
The fate of Edith Eger is not much different from the fate of those Jewish children and adolescents who managed to survive in the death camps. On the pages of the book, she did not just talk about the horrors of concentration camps and the monstrous, indescribable experience that she experienced. The profession of a psychologist helped her carefully analyze the feelings and emotions that Eger experienced on the way to freedom. Freedom internal — one that does not depend on the place of stay.
This book, echoing the work of Viktor Frankl and Anne Frank, may be incredibly meaningful to you.
It belongs to the category of stories that change people forever. In it we find a little comparable example of perseverance, generosity, but most importantly, forgiveness. The brave woman of rare strength and courage who wrote this book is my hero. She lives on the other side of the world. She doesn’t know about our existence. But she knows how not to let the oppressive, corrosive past destroy us.
I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to visit Auschwitz as a tourist — I feel like I won’t be able to handle the feelings that inevitably come over me there. But Edith Eger did. Even though she lost her parents there. Even despite what she experienced there herself. She did and became free.
Here are some excerpts from her book Choice. On the freedom and inner strength of man»*.
“Time does not heal. We manage ourselves, with time «
“Perhaps every life is a study of what we do not have, but would like to have, and what we have, but it would be better not to have. It took me several decades to understand that you can approach your life with a different question: not “Why did I survive?”, But “What to do with the life that belongs to me?”.
“Almost everyone around me said that I would not leave the death camp alive. And SS officers, and kapos, and ordinary prisoners told me every second of every day (from the morning appell to the end of work), they told me everywhere (from the lines at the selections to the lines for food) that I would not leave the death camp alive. Despite all this, I literally forged for myself an inner voice that offered me another option. “This is temporary,” sounded in me. “If I survive today, I will be free tomorrow.”
“I saw: Dr. Mengele, a seasoned killer who just destroyed my mother this morning, is more pathetic than me. I am free in my creation; he will never achieve it. He will have to live with what he did. He is more of a prisoner than I am. Finishing my dance with the last graceful split, I pray, but not for myself. I pray for him. I pray that, for his own good, he doesn’t have the need to kill me.»
“I suddenly think about the difference between ‘killer’ and ‘killer’. Auschwitz is both. Pipes smoke and smoke. Every minute could be the last. So why bother? Why get emotional? And yet, if this minute, this very minute, is my last on Earth, should I really spend it on humility and position? Shouldn’t I spend it like I’m already dead?»
“Being passive means letting others decide for you. To be aggressive means to decide for others. To be persistent means to decide for yourself. It means to believe that everything in your life is enough, and you are completely self-sufficient.
“Every moment is a choice. No matter how destructive, insignificant, unfree, painful and painful our experience has been, we ourselves always choose how to relate to it.
“I shouldn’t have survived, I didn’t deserve it” is the subtext of my endless choices and my beliefs. I am so obsessed with the idea of proving my at least some significance, the idea of taking at least some place in this world, I tell myself so often: «No matter how hard you try, no matter what you do, you will always remain such a … loser» that no Hitler to me not terrible. I have long since become my own jailer.”
“Perfectionism is the other side of our belief that something is broken in us, and most likely, we ourselves are broken. And then we mask our ruins with scientific degrees, achievements, diplomas, awards — we hang ourselves with different scraps of paper, none of which is able to fix what we have been trying to repair all our lives. All my attempts to deal with low self-esteem lead to only one thing — a feeling of worthlessness that grows stronger over the years. And finally, having learned how to help patients master the science of loving and accepting themselves, I am fortunately beginning to understand how important it is to offer yourself the same.”
“Maybe the very concept of recovery does not mean removing and polishing scars? Perhaps, on the contrary, they should be left?
“To be cured is to cherish your past wounds and appreciate your past heartache.”
“My work has really freed me. I survived to do my job. Not the one that the Nazis planted — hard labor, bringing hunger and slavery, turning people into exhausted animals. I’m talking about inner work. Learn to live, learn to enjoy life, learn to forgive yourself and help others learn the same. My work gives me confidence that I will never again be either a hostage or a prisoner. I am free».
“My long-term friendship with Viktor Frankl, as well as healing, primarily for me, relationships with patients <...> taught me the same main lesson, the basics of which I began to learn in Auschwitz: painful life experiences are not a burden, but a gift . They expand the boundaries of understanding and fill it with new meaning, provide an opportunity to find your only goal and gain strength of mind.”
«Why me? Why did I survive? How often have I asked myself this question! Today it is put by me differently. Why not me?
“Time does not heal. We manage ourselves, over time. Recovery will come when we choose to take responsibility for ourselves, when we take risks and finally allow ourselves to get rid of the pain of the heart, that is, let go of grief and let go of the past. And it’s all a matter of our choice.»
“We are ready to imprison ourselves again when we continue to run from the past or start to fight the pain that is present. Freedom lies in accepting what is and forgiving yourself. Open your hearts to the miracle that exists now.”
* Edith Eva Eger Choice. On the freedom and inner strength of man” (Mann, Ivanov and Ferber, 2020).