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The Oedipus myth
Oedipus is a child abandoned by his parents because of a dire future. The oracle predicted to him that he “ will kill his father and marry his mother “. The macabre prediction will come true: during a trip, Oedipus, now an adult, will indeed have to kill a man, who is in fact his father, then he will marry his own mother without knowing it.
What Freud got out of it
Freud uses the term ” Oedipus complex For the first time in 1910. According to him, all children go through a period during which they experience feelings of violent love towards the parent of the opposite sex and jealousy of the parent of the same sex. Clearly, little boys are in love with their mother and compete with their father, and little girls are in love with their father and compete with their mother. But rest assured, although in a rivalry with one, they still continue to love both parents! All his movements are unconscious and involuntary, of course. The Oedipus complex constitutes a first awakening to sexuality and a fundamental structuring stage in the construction of the personality. Thanks to him, the little boy understands that he is a boy like his father and the little girl acquires femininity like her mother. Each integrates his sexual difference and recognizes the other as being radically different from him.
Oedipus on the boy’s side
Around 3 years old, little boys strive to seduce their mother and oust their father to take his place. The father becomes a model that they imitate to resemble him and a rival that they want to surpass and dethrone. The Oedipal child also seeks to transgress limits. He pulls the girls’ hair, shows off half-naked in the apartment, opposes, refuses to sleep alone, constantly tries to break up the tete-a-tete between his parents. It is also a time of nightmares and “erotic dreams in disguise” with huge monsters coming to devour him.
Oedipus on the girl’s side
It’s more complicated for girls. Before 3 years, they experience a “pre-oedipal” period. Attracted by their mother, who is their first object of love, they have the same reactions as a boy: they kiss him, make passionate statements, try to pee standing up… This first step is important in future femininity . Then, the little girl realizes that her mother does not have a penis and she tries to seduce her father. This is the oedipal phase. The little girl’s detachment from her mother is not without guilt, and the love-hate ambivalence that arises during this period can persist if both parents do not clearly set limits.
How to react ?
Faced with this Oedipal passion, it is important to react gently, but firmly. The child must be replaced in his place of child. If your little boy kisses you on the mouth or touches your breasts, say calmly, “I’m your mom, I’m not your sweetheart.” My lover, he’s your daddy. Later, when you are a man like your father, you will also have a lover that you will love and that you will kiss on the mouth. »Remember to maintain a climate of modesty, without prudishness: avoid walking around naked in the apartment, sleeping or taking a bath with him. Ambiguous attitudes are also to be avoided. Fathers should not consider their daughters as their “little wife” and behave as if they were totally under her spell. On the contrary, they must make it clear to him: “I am not your lover. I love you like my daughter, my sweetheart, she’s your mom. You too, when you are a woman like your mother, you will have a lover whom you will love and with whom you will sleep. “In single-parent families, it is advisable to bring in a substitute for the father to separate the child from his mother and prevent him from” taking advantage “of this absence.
The end of the oedipal complex
The Oedipal period ends around the age of 6, usually upon entering CP. The child learns modesty, invests in knowledge, leads a frenzied social life … He is now able to repress his impulses, to elect other objects of love. When the Oedipal stage is passed in a harmonious way, the child has integrated the prohibitions of incest and parricide and accepts the basic rules of life in society. This new capacity that shrinks call the “superego” represents the interiorization of parental demands. Conversely, an Oedipus experienced in a complicated way, poorly resolved, can lead to the emergence of obsessive neuroses, phobic behaviors and various anxieties.