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Increased libido is considered to be a virtue. But if interest in sex turns into addiction for one of the partners and leads to betrayal, is it possible to save the relationship?
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Passion for sex is often explained by a violent temperament. It is believed that people who are inherent in this are cheerful and know how to please themselves and their partner. But where is the line that separates passion from deviation? And can an increased need for sex be considered a disorder?
“This is still a matter of debate in the scientific community,” says Adelphi University psychology professor Lawrence Josephs. – On the one hand, there is no officially confirmed medical diagnosis – sexual addiction – which can be referred to. It is difficult to establish a scale that accurately defines the excess of our interest in sex.
On the other hand, sexual addiction is a frequent companion of infidelity, which makes people suffer and destroys families. Therefore, we cannot close our eyes to this. As a rule, we are talking about men who, not wanting to part with their partner, cheat on her with one frequency or another. In most cases, they do not start a deep relationship with a mistress, but only satisfy strong sexual desires that they are not able to contain.
And before condemning these men for breaking promises and betrayal, it is important to understand why they do this.
In the treatment of addiction, first of all, it is necessary to find an alternative to it.
What is really hidden behind the sexual obsession, which is almost impossible to resist? When infidelity is discovered (and sooner or later it almost always happens), men repent and promise that this will not happen again. However, everything repeats itself, and in the end a person risks losing his family.
“In order to help these people, it is important to consider their behavior not in the usual plane of ethics and morality, but as a combination of biological mechanisms, mental characteristics and life circumstances,” says Professor Josephs. This topic still needs more research. But if a person who finds it difficult to maintain monogamy chooses to live with a regular partner, he should seek the help of psychologists.
It can be both individual therapy and group therapy, built on the principle of 12-step programs that help many in the treatment of addictions. It is good if the partner who suffered from infidelity also seeks help to cope with his own trauma and understand the picture more fully.
If your partner suffers from sexual addiction, but despite this you decide to keep the relationship, the advice of psychologists will help you.
1. Don’t shut up your feelings
What happened hurt you, and you have the right to express your feelings, including aggression and despair. It is important that you also realize that what happened is not your fault.
2. Refrain from sexual intimacy
In the treatment of addiction, first of all, it is necessary to find an alternative to it. And this is the responsibility of the one who is trying to heal. And you have the right to refuse sexual relations with him if you do not feel that you have forgiven him and are ready for this. Up to this point, he can go in for sports, meditation, therapy.
3. Don’t take responsibility for his behavior
If a partner gives his word that he intends to remain faithful, do not try to control his every step. From now on, this is his area of responsibility. Some sex-addicted men even enjoy being in control—the vigilant attention helps them resist temptation. Don’t turn yourself into a perpetual cop. This will not help a loved one gain support, but it can greatly traumatize you, reminding you of the experience.