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We see nudes everywhere. Nudity, ceasing to be a taboo, showed our internal conflict with our own imperfect body. From now on, the perception of oneself depends on a new aesthetic code, on the modern idea of perfect nudity.
“I was really shocked when I saw the famous nudes of Lucian Freud at his solo exhibition in Vienna,” says 36-year-old Nina. – I was not the only one – the men and women around me also experienced inexplicable excitement and delight at the same time. We are used to being watched from billboards by the owners of perfect forms, in which there is nothing truly intimate – we forget that these models are naked! In Freud’s paintings, I saw bellies with folds, full thighs; it was real nakedness, vulnerable, authentic. And it suddenly shocked me.” Nina’s experience has nothing to do with what we feel when we look at the images that films and commercials, magazines and video clips bombard us with. These bodies do not touch us, do not excite us, and even more so do not cause aesthetic pleasure. So does exposed nudity help us get rid of complexes, or does such exhibitionism give rise to new psychological problems?
Read more:
- What does this picture tell me? “Standing in front of rags” by Lucian Freud
Realm of contradictions
The meaning of exposure varies. Nudity can be purely functional, such as when we undress for a quick shower without thinking about how we look. Nudity can be a way of humiliation – so in the Middle Ages, sinners, stripped naked, were driven through an angry crowd. Finally, nudity is closely related to sexuality. She will be discussed.
Forty years ago, publicly accessible photographs of a naked body were rare, nudity was not shown and remained part of the intimate sphere. Today, a chest that has fallen out of a deep neckline of a dress or a close-up of those who have not put on underwear causes only laughter, and nothing more! But what is remarkable – and this is what all our experts say – this does not mean at all that the majority of men and women are in harmony with their nudity. Against…
“Looking in the mirror, I can’t help but compare myself to fashion models or actresses,” admits 33-year-old Antonina. – I understand everything about photoshop and correctly exposed lighting. And still, with sadness, I realize the abyss between myself and these glossy creatures. And complex when I have to undress.
These experiences have nothing to do with age, build, or ethnicity. 52% of European women are dissatisfied with their own body; about a third for this reason are ready to have sex only in the dark1. “Intimate life has ceased to be a sacrament,” laments the gynecologist and andrologist Silvain Mimoun, “nudity is increasingly turning into a staging, a performance, a show of the body.” The gap between regular body and glossy images leads many women and men to reject their bodies. “Complexes caused by the imperfection of the figure and the fear of not being liked by the partner are often mentioned by patients,” says Olga Dolgopolova, a Gestalt therapist. The conflict associated with the rejection of one’s body directly affects the sex life, libido and the ability to enjoy. “When we are uncomfortable in our own body, when we are ashamed of our forms, we are ashamed of both the gaze and the hands of another.”
Marilyn Yalom “Breast Story”
Who owns our – female – breasts? Us women? But let’s think: who determines what shape and size it should be? Are we ourselves? Or maybe the men we want to like? Or fashion designers who explain what we have to become in order to please men? Or our culture in general?
In touch with yourself
When we are naked, we are overcome by a subtle sense of wholeness. We have no clothes, no jewelry, nothing separates us from the world. This is a very pleasant feeling. But everyone experiences nudity in their own way. “If the body exists apart from us, then our relationship to it comes down to admiring or practical use,” says sociologist Christophe Colera. “If we identify ourselves with our body, live in it, feel our inseparability with it, we experience a special form of goodwill towards it.” Such benevolence is the result of a properly built relationship between parents and a child. Due to this, some men and women, far from physical perfection, feel great in their bodies, while others – ideal physique – are not friends with the body. If the bodily, emotional and linguistic bond between mother and infant is strong, by the age of six children become chaste and seek to cover their nakedness. This helps them protect themselves from the judging views of others. And this embarrassment can only be welcomed. “It serves as an indicator that everything is in order,” explains Olga Dolgopolova. “Through embarrassment, we learn to adapt to the world in changing circumstances, to understand how safe, intimate this or that situation is.”
Rare lucky ones can boast that in childhood they were not stuffed with semolina and were not wrapped up even in warm weather, just to avoid colds. Of course, parents and grandparents know for sure that porridge is healthy and a cold is dangerous. But caring adults would do children much more good if they asked: Do they taste good? Isn’t it hot? “When we talk about educating children in the right attitude towards nudity, we are not talking about whether dad and mom should walk naked in front of them! – emphasizes Olga Dolgopolova. “It’s about teaching children to trust their body, to use self-regulation, their body mind. In this case, children grow up competent about their body: they live in it, and do not use it as a tool to achieve social goals.
Such competence is needed not only for a good relationship with oneself, but also for establishing contact with others. “From a psycho-emotional point of view, our body is an organ of contact with the outside world and people. Through bodily contact, we also communicate, receive warmth, feel support, love, – continues Olga Dolgopolova. – And to learn to feel and understand bodily reactions, bodily response is a very important skill. It gives you the opportunity to satisfy your needs and at the same time be an adequate person.
Read more:
- How do we perceive the bodies of loved ones
Fantasy is richer than reality
Enjoying nudity is, first of all, learning to love your body, not paying attention to the views of others, says sexologist Martine Potentier. “Of course, a loving look strengthens a benevolent attitude towards oneself. But fear can also settle inside: what will happen if this look disappears? she says. During sex, excitement negates all our complexes, but as soon as the peak of pleasure passes, we are again left alone with doubts. And we go to tricks to become the owners of beautiful bodies. Usually useless. “Creating a perfect body for yourself in order to finally love it is an undertaking doomed to failure,” Sylvain Mimoun is sure. “We are able to love our body if we can put aside the narcissistic need to admire it and be admired by others.”
Accepting your nakedness and physical imperfection along with it is not so easy. “Acceptance means working on your ideas, your past,” says Martine Potansier. – If you have a difficult relationship with nudity, the reason may be mental or physical trauma. Illness, unflattering comments about your body or sexual behavior can also cause a wound that will heal only with the help of a professional. The therapist believes that accepting our nakedness makes us stronger, helps us develop our feelings, and makes us aware of our uniqueness. And as a result, this awareness makes us more empathetic towards others.
Olga Dolgopolova recalls that there are no single recipes. “Some of us would rather die than go sunbathing on a nude beach, while others feel great with their bodies fully exposed,” she says. “Everything is determined by individual differences.” It is hardly worth going against your nature, for example, trying to attract someone’s attention at a party with a revealing outfit if you are simply uncomfortable in it. “A woman with a deep neckline or in a transparent dress, if she herself is embarrassed by her appearance, will look more ridiculous than attractive and sexy,” warns the Gestalt therapist. – You need to learn to understand the signals of your body: muscle tension, a lump in your throat, a feeling of excitement in unexpected situations. This understanding allows me to live with the feeling that I am my body. And then what seemed right or, on the contrary, unacceptable yesterday, can open up from a new side. As for the sexual context, full exposure is far from always useful. “In my opinion, a partially hidden body can excite more than a fully exposed body,” says Olga Dolgopolova. “Just because fantasy is richer than reality. And leaving her room, we fuel the excitement more than throwing off all the covers – no matter how perfect they may be hidden under them.
1 The “Women and Nudity” survey was conducted by Tena/Ifop in 2009.