All people are divided into two categories — people who need me and who need something from me. Tell me what you need from me? Notation of intent
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Before taking decisive action, you need to check whether you correctly understand the intentions of the interlocutor.
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Request without a thesis.
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If you want the interlocutor to understand you better, clearly indicate your intentions.
“We have a burned out light bulb in the hallway” — but where are you running, you don’t need to do anything, I just shared it!
“I want to see the movie Roman Holiday… There was also a young Audrey Hepburn in it.”
Do you want to talk about it? Do you want to know if I want to see this movie too? Or do I need to download this movie? Or, if you already have it on your computer, just to remind you that we wanted to watch this movie together?
“Irka called me today, she has terrible problems with her husband…”
Is it bothering you, do you just want to talk? Do you want to ask my opinion what to advise Irka in this situation? Do you want me to hug you and tell you that I love you?
“Today I was awakened by a call at 4 in the morning, then I couldn’t fall asleep for a long time …” — How to understand you? What do you mean by this: “I want to sleep more”? Or «I’m sorry if I’m a little sleepy during the day»? Or «Please make breakfast for me?»
If possible, please explain if you have a request or a suggestion. «I have a request». “Listen, there is an interesting proposal …” And if you have a protest or demand, just indicate: “I object, I am against!” or «I have a request for you.» It is not obvious that they will listen to you, but at least your intentions will be quite definitely understood.
At work: “I’m coming to you for advice”, “I want to ask you for help”, “I need 5 minutes from you, I want to agree on my plan of action with you.”
In a relationship: “Do you have time? I just want to chat with you, about anything.” “I came to swear.” “I would like you to apologize to me”, “I miss you very much, I want to kiss you”, “I have a serious question for you, please turn on the business format!”
Sharing is nothing…
Designation of interest
From the correspondence:
If you write “I can send”, then with this wording, show interest and say “Please come out!” — another must. If you write: “Look, please, my Maximum!” You are the interested party. If this is your interest, then it is more correct to designate it that way.
Clarification of the interlocutor’s intentions
We often think for the interlocutor, instead of clarifying both his vision of the situation and his intentions. It is especially important to clarify intentions before taking any decisive action.
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