Not our client

Not our client — a client with whom psychological counseling is inappropriate. At least you don’t. When such clients come to you, you can refuse them in good conscience — working with them is beyond your professional qualifications. If you decide to work, it is completely your free initiative, your risks and your responsibility.

People who do not want and are not ready to change

The most frequent clients with whom it does not make sense to work on their request are people who do not want and are not ready to change. Who are these people, why and why do they come to a psychologist?

Firstly, these are the “Searchers of the Magic Pill”: people who hope for the Magic advice that a psychologist will give them and which will immediately and easily solve all his problems and generally change his life. And he doesn’t have to do anything to do it.

However, sometimes, after explanations from a psychologist, these people change their position and agree to some reasonable efforts.

Secondly, these are “Commanders”: people who bring their loved ones to a psychologist and want the psychologist to achieve something from them: so that the children start doing their homework, the daughter-in-law stops her gooing, and her husband stops drinking.

The point is not that you cannot influence children, daughter-in-law or husband: it is possible, and sometimes necessary. The bottom line is that these Commanders want a psychologist to do all this for them, but they did not change anything in themselves. No, it’s not real.

Thirdly, there are «Players»: people who have fun or want to play manipulative games with a consultant, far from the tasks of counseling. There are enough options: the client flirts, using supposedly a consultation to “glue” the consultant. Or: joins the game “I will outplay you”, setting the task of showing the therapist. that he won’t get anything. In such cases, it is naive to continue psychological counseling — hardly appropriate.

However, if the psychologist has the ability and desire to “rebuild” the client and create constructive motivation for him, this “not our client” can become “ours”.

Not profile clients

Sometimes non-core clients come to a psychologist — clients who seem more correct to refer (at least initially) to other specialists, primarily to doctors. If the psychologist does not have special training, then psychopaths with a diagnosis of schizophrenia, especially in a state of exacerbation, are obviously not the clients of a psychologist …

However, in mild cases, psychiatrists sometimes send their clients to psychologists themselves, and this is quite appropriate. If the case requires joint efforts, we need to work together.

Clients with serious psychosomatics are not specialized for a psychologist: neurodermatitis, allergies, migraines — all these diseases should be dealt with by doctors first of all. Only if the doctors refused and send the client to you as a psychologist, then after talking with the doctor you can start working with such clients.

Problematic physical conditions and diseases that give a serious background to the psychological state are also a call for you — either work more carefully, or this client is not yours. Depression, which is not contrived by a bored lady, but real depression, is still treated primarily by a doctor, and not by a psychologist. Pregnant women easily create internal psychological problems for themselves, but these problems go away faster with the normalization of their hormonal levels than with the help of psychological analysis.

Clients with requests for magic are not profile for a psychologist — clients with requests to bewitch or remove a spell, starting conversations about other worlds, aliens and other entities inaccessible to the human mind. A controversial case is clients who are interested in a variety of esotericism, who love Tarot cards and astrology. Working in their language and within their understanding, quite productive work can sometimes take place with these people, but it is hardly correct to consider such work professional.

As a general rule, the utmost caution should be exercised when dealing with clients associated with the criminal world who have a criminal present or criminal complaint. If you yourself are not very familiar with the world of crime, your work in this direction can be dangerous for both your client and you.

And finally, one more point, which, perhaps, should be put first: if a client comes to us with whom we do not know what to do, for which we do not have enough professional knowledge, this client is not ours. Professional work is work exclusively within the framework of one’s professional competence, and the phrase: “I can’t help you, I am not an expert in your matter” speaks of high professional honesty. And if after that a hint followed, which specialist it makes sense to contact, then we have already helped the client qualitatively.

Requests from customers that are funny and sad

Below are questions to psychologists, which were directly or indirectly (by meaning) voiced during various sessions. Based on real events.

• Tell me what do I want?
• Explain to me how to learn to relax, but keep in mind that I don’t have time for anything.
• I need to break up with the guy, but so that he continues to love me.
• How can I leave someone I don’t want to leave?
• How to gain confidence in this world of bastards and scum?
• How can I explain to my wife that if she leaves me, it will be better for her?
• How can I stop feeling and finally start to live normally?
• I want to want to want.
• I’m afraid of my wife. I want her to be afraid of me too.
• Show me how you work, just not for me — I need to make a decision whether to take you on as a therapist or not.
• It annoys me when my husband threatens to kill me. How not to get annoyed?
• Tell me, can your social status really help me?
• I am a strong and confident woman, I never complain about any of my problems. Why does everyone think I’m problem-free and no one wants to help?!
• I am a fat worthless pimply freak. Why don’t girls see my virtues?
• Teach them how to throw women properly, otherwise they want an explanation for some reason.
• I have read a lot of books on psychology. This is some kind of nonsense. Prove it’s not.
• I struggle to keep up both at work and at home. Where do I need to make more efforts to finally start to keep up?
• I’m always in a hurry, pushing events too fast… Although, it seems to me, you won’t help here.
• My child does not eat well, stutters, is afraid of other children and has enuresis. How to make him eat well?
• I love the guy very much, but he doesn’t love me … How can he take revenge for this?
• He beats me, mocks me and constantly threatens me with divorce. Can you explain to him that divorce is too much?
• I have a very, very, very difficult problem. Simply unique. I have already been to many psychologists … No one helped … How are you better?

Probably, the requests of such clients are not our requests.