“Not lonely, but free”: why are women after 30 not so actively looking for partners?

The search for a partner is relevant for a woman when she has love, the birth of a child and the creation of a family in the first place. Perhaps before 30 she has already tried to build a family or a long-term relationship and has a negative experience in this matter. If so, then there is a possibility that building a new relationship no longer looks like such an attractive and long-awaited event for her.

Moreover, for a woman at this age, the topic of finding a partner often becomes annoying and even negative. After all, “what I want is not there,” and dating, “if only there was a man,” and “sleeping with anyone” does not make any sense.

“Experience is the son of difficult mistakes”

Women after 30 often feel disappointed. And not even in the opposite field, but in the very process of searching. In dating sites, on dates, and just in communication by correspondence.

Here, it would seem, is an interesting man, only there is nothing to talk with him about and there is no desire to meet. And this one is an excellent interlocutor, but he never offers a personal meeting, he remains only in the role of a “writer” on the phone. And I like everything about it, the meeting happened, and then something went wrong … And without explaining the reasons, the person simply disappears in silence.

The baggage of unpleasant experience in a woman after 30 accumulates and develops into negative beliefs – on the topic of children, financial prosperity of partners, mutual responsibility, fidelity and betrayal, personal boundaries and many other attitudes in relationships.

And then building relationships and finding a partner becomes an unsolvable equation with two unknowns: “where can I get a normal one and my own?” and “what is the probability that I will not waste time, which is already so little?”.

Women build a life, a career, take care of themselves, take care of children, create an atmosphere of confidence, stability and independence around them. Personal interests, hobbies, meetings with friends and girlfriends, a glass of wine on Friday evening – everything is fine, everything is decided and habitual, there is no need to report to anyone and ask permission.

A woman’s life goals and guidelines are changing. At the age of 20, we dream of a “prince on a white horse”, after 30, self-realization, career success and hobbies come to the fore. Having a partner is no longer a criterion for success. And therefore, women at this age do not rush into relationships with the first person they meet.

4 main reasons to choose a free life

1. Existing habitual foundations that you don’t want to change for the sake of a partner

After 30 years, each person develops a stable picture of the world. This applies not only to everyday issues, but also to the outlook on life in general. In youth, it is not so difficult to adapt to a partner. At a more adult age, a woman understands that she has her own rules, which she is not ready to change for the sake of someone. This may relate to various issues such as:

• the pace and routine of life;
• household aspects, starting with favorite dishes and ending with the choice of interior in the apartment;
• fundamental worldview, issues of religion, politics, parenting, values, beliefs, personal goals and results.

2. Lack of desire and time to go on dates, get to know a person

The older and more experienced we get, the more negative it becomes to go on dates and listen to the standard bravado of a hypothetical partner. With experience, a woman can easily understand where the other is lying, where she exaggerates, and where she tries to hide important facts. Consequently, most of the dates turn into “failed interviews”, and they are mostly disappointments. And you also need to get ready for a date, preen, choose the time in your schedule, shift plans. And a natural question arises: “What will I get with the effort expended?”

3. Unwillingness to change and fall under someone’s influence

Partnerships are always directly related to the search for compromises. Even with wisdom and a clear understanding of her boundaries, it is difficult for a woman to act to the detriment of herself. And she perceives any attempt by her partner to change her as an aggressive invasion of her territory and personal space.

4. Waste time on things that might not work.

Developing and getting older, a woman realizes that the most important resource in her life is time. And wasting precious weeks and years is not a pleasant prospect. When you’re 20, you can date someone even if you know you don’t have a future in common. And after 30 it already seems rather strange and aimless, irresponsible in relation to herself and her life. Therefore, many women refuse to build relationships if the prospects are unclear.

Thus, the search for a partner at this age is possible for many only if the woman herself finds for herself something attractive, motivating and simply useful in building relationships.

Be mindful of your feelings. If you are really bored of getting ready for another date and not interested in chatting with an unknown character, it is likely that you are satisfied with your promising and well-established life. And the search for a man becomes not so important if we are self-sufficient and live a full life.