No gifts for orphanages. Yes, I do not mean “the guys urgently help at all, this year we don’t have enough gifts for unhappy deprived children in orphanages”, I mean “I am aaaaluly, stop mocking children from orphanages, filling them with gifts” .
I understand that the text of this article will be very painful to read for about half of those who are going to do this (be strong, positive at the end). And the other half will silently and sadly nod with the words: “Yes, I also talk about this all the time, and this does not stop anyone.” I know that the article will cause frustration or even aggression among the first. Therefore, I want to say right away: “Yes, I also really love children, and indeed people in general”, “Yes, I myself also do something to help others, namely, I devote about 95% of my time to this, not counting sleep”, “ yes, at one time I visited a huge number of orphanages and even lived in one for a week, right in a group with children”, “yes, I deal with volunteers from more than 20 regions of the country and everywhere there is exactly the same as in Moscow” . So guys, instead of being frustrated, let’s just try to make our help at least a little more effective, that’s what we all want, right?
So, why is it still impossible to give gifts to orphanages and what can be done instead?
Let’s take, for example, an ideal situation, that is, a situation in which all children got the same gifts, all equally, and for some reason they are also glad that everyone is now «like children’s home» in the same (and if you give different gifts, then again there will be frustration that someone is more fortunate), but we take the ideal situation, which also excludes that the gifts did not reach the children. A situation in which a teenager sold a gift to buy cigarettes or beer. Or when a gift was used to make someone jealous or simply to show superiority (“look what I have, you don’t”), usually after such behavior, the gift is either broken or stolen as soon as the owner has distracted himself from it, and, of course, this is very bad both for the owner and for the one who broke or stole.
So, even in this ideal situation (and you understand, yes, that this does not happen?), Giving gifts to orphanages, boarding schools, social shelters and a host of other forms of state orphanages (I emphasize — especially state ones) is categorically destructive for the child’s psyche, because according to statistics, during the New Year holidays, a child from an orphanage visits about 17 Christmas trees and events and receives about 19 gifts (in the Moscow region — 25). Do you understand that this is just a survival marathon? Do you want to be the 26th who came running frantically to love a child you did not know yesterday? What about 18s? The sadness of everything that happens is that we are ready …
In the next month and a half, billions of dollars will be spent on toys, teddy bears, sleds, barbies and even tablets, phones and iPods (yes, many children ask for exactly this and many adults buy it for them, although they themselves guess that something is wrong here)
All this is monstrous because it brings up a terrible dependency, the child gets used to the fact that they give him something all the time, give, perform, and without any effort or visible reasons for him. Some kind of enthusiastic-exalted people constantly come, who frantically try to love them all to death in half a day and go further (I know, because I myself was exactly the same). And then suddenly the child turns 18, and … And nothing, no one goes to him, no one showers him with gifts, no one cares about the problems of «an adult healthy guy who has to go to work.» Why should he? You only taught him to beg, you didn’t teach him to earn. You taught him to accept gifts and amusements, and you thought that he should somehow guess about work. As a result, only 10% cope with this state of affairs, and the rest become drunkards, get into crime and prisons, and commit suicide. Think about it! ten%! 10%!
Children in orphanages (and I mean in this case all state institutions of this type) live according to the gloomy, inhuman and merciless system created at the beginning of the XNUMXth century. Their pupils are not considered part of society, and therefore they do not become one. They are considered poor and unfortunate, miserable and deprived, and only truly sincere and professional charitable foundations are struggling with their socialization, trying to restore their motivation to live and achieve, fill them with faith in their own strength, and arrange them in families.
“Well, everyone helps as best they can,” they often answer me offendedly at the mention of professional funds. No, no, I’m not at all against a little help, and I know for sure that EVERYONE can help. But this is not about helping. I am writing all this just to explain — gifts to orphanages for the holidays and without them, as well as a bunch of fun activities for the holidays — this is not help, it is harm.
I will give an example from my own practice, when many years ago I came as part of a group of volunteers to one of the orphanages in the Tver region. We agreed on a visit in advance, prepared competitions and performances, clarified with the director that there would be no one except us that day. When we arrived, another group of volunteers left right in front of us, and the children, stretching, left the assembly hall with gifts. They hoped to go about their business, but the director told them to urgently go back to the hall, because «sponsors arrived», and the children wandered off to watch our next songs and dances, which they absolutely did not need. What benefit have we brought to them by forcing them to sit in the assembly hall for half a day? What benefits can be brought by a master class on weaving baubles and soap making?
Well, what then to do and how to help, if there is such a desire?
I promised a positive at the end, and here it is — you can be not only needed, but very needed! For example, if you want to arrange a festive event, then organize it for children with disabilities. And try to take them somewhere out of the house, in our country they are not often given such an opportunity. Better yet, consult with specialized funds and organize a joint event for ordinary children and children with disabilities. This will be very helpful for both.
You definitely want to give someone a gift — there are children with cancer, children from low-income families, and just those who are on long-term treatment in the hospital, you definitely won’t spoil them. There are even not children at all, but elderly people, people in hospices and hospitals, paralyzed people, prisoners (everyone generally forgets about them) — they will all be happy with your warmth and attention, your gifts will be valuable and accepted with gratitude.