NLP. Games in which women win (A. Bakirov)

Abstract

In your hands — a practical guide to the fulfillment of desires. Mostly female. The book will certainly be of interest to men as well, but it was written specifically for women — for those of them who want to feel free and independent, strong and powerful, spectacular and purposeful, sexy and extremely attractive. For those who want to enjoy life and enjoy it.

Easily, naturally and with humor, the author of the book will introduce you to the most effective techniques of the modern trend in psychology — neurolinguistic programming (NLP). These are techniques that allow not only to influence others, to get maximum psychological comfort in relationships with people, to achieve harmony in communication and absolute mutual understanding at the verbal and non-verbal levels, the successful implementation of many plans and ideas both in the personal and professional spheres, but also protect yourself from unwanted psychological influences.

You will find out what games — fair and not so, fair and sometimes cruel, funny and intriguing — REAL WOMEN are able to play. Someone calls them bitches, someone — admiringly — queens, and someone just envy them. Still would! After all, they play by their own rules. What game will you choose?

foreword

Liked the book. The first time I “swallowed” it right off the bat — I didn’t go to bed until I read it. In the morning I began to study in detail. And what is characteristic — there was a strange glint in the eyes. And — until now. The book gives a boost of self-confidence — definitely.

Every time people open a book on practical psychology, people subconsciously wait for the promise: “After reading this book, you can become happier.” There is no such promise here. There are no promises at all — only recipes. Recipes for happiness? Rather, recipes for success.

Success is when your desires are fulfilled. Success is when the fulfillment of desires brings joy. Success is when both the fulfillment and the consequences of the fulfillment of desires depend on you.

Therefore, this book could be called «A Practical Guide to the Fulfillment of Desires», but it is called «NLP. Games in which women win”, because desires will be fulfilled — women’s. This is a book for women. This is a book about women. And this is a book written by a man. And here I have to explain myself.

When I first thought about whether to take on this book, I was overcome by doubts. On the one hand, I did not know whether women would accept my ideas and thoughts, whether I could learn to speak the right language, whether I understood women enough to be useful to them. On the other hand, I wondered if it was worth sharing secrets with women about how to win in love.

Indeed, reviews of the first edition of the book were full of reports of successful marriages, men recaptured from rivals, liberation from attachments, lovers in love … I was praised for my knowledge of the female soul, but scolded for teaching women deceit. So the tools have shown their effectiveness.

Where did I get them from? Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) — the leading direction of modern psychology — helped me with this. The meaning of NLP is to reveal the secrets of successful people. Turning magic into technology. His idea is very simple: if at least one person in the world can achieve the result you need, you can learn it too.

As for the fact that women benefited more from this book than men, I was convinced of a simple thing: a real man is interested in a real woman. And the more interesting and bright women there are, the better choice we will have — real men.

And a few words about myself. Who am i? I am an NLP trainer and consultant. I conduct trainings «Development of personal power» and «Conversational hypnosis» and a number of other projects. At one time he wrote and published a number of books on NLP and practical psychology. My articles on the Internet are regularly read by thousands of people from all walks of life. Perhaps, after reading this book, you will want to get to know me better on the website www.duals.ru

But that’s not the point, right? And the main thing is that I am happy in my personal life, I have a wonderful wife and a beautiful daughter. My life is filled with love and I share it with my readers. Therefore, I know what I’m talking about.

Chapter 1

— How do you walk? After all, this is mind-boggling! It will all go away, it will tie up in a knot here, it will all shrink like an old torn shoe — and here it is scratching for work, as if hammering in piles … And how do we walk? ..

Emil Braginsky, Eldar Ryazanov. «Love affair at work»

There are no perfect walks. As there are no ideal figures, faces, hairstyles, voices … It does not happen. But you can buy, create, come up with something that best matches your own ideas about the ideal. Or social norms.

Our task is to create a gait that perfectly meets the requirements and demands of your body. To make the right impression and feel comfortable at the same time. Remember now: there are walks that are more suitable for you and less suitable.

But in order to satisfy your “striving for the ideal” once and for all, I will still describe to you the way in which you can learn the gait of the “public standards of beauty” — models. This is a relatively standard type of gait, which is specially trained for models, dancers, participants in numerous beauty contests — professional beauties.

It is very important for them to make the right impression: to attract attention, to make them turn around, to evoke admiring glances … Is it important to you? For sure. Remember the scene from the immortal «Office Romance»:

“Is it possible to learn how to walk like that, or is it… not available?” — Lyudmila Prokofievna asks with timid hope.

— Well, you see, you can, of course, teach a hare to smoke … In principle, nothing is impossible … — Verochka saddled her favorite horse.

— You think?

— … for a person with intelligence. Well, stand up!

We will make the gait of the model for you right now.

The gait of the model

Despite the fact that I can hardly say something like: “There is nothing easier!” – to master the gait of the model is really easy. Even though there is no educational video cassette attached to the book, and there are no pictures here either … Everything can be explained using a simple metaphor — «Ropes» (as Igor Nezovibatko does at his trainings on the «Art of Charm»).

So there are two strings. One is tied to the top of the head and pulls up, the second is tied to the chest, it pulls forward. Of course, you can actually tie all these ropes, but to achieve the desired effect, it will be enough just to imagine them.

Personal consultation. Nelper:

— Imagine that you can instantly move to any distance … Hey! Where did you go?

We try. We attached the first rope, and now it is already pulling us up — to heaven. The spine straightens, a waist appears (even for those who have long forgotten to even think about it), the chin goes down a little (the rope is tied to the top of the head!) — it makes you want to stand on tiptoe … That’s right — we really have become a little more airy . But we stand firmly on the ground: on a full foot, stretched out to attention. Heels here, of course, are only welcome: we make models of ourselves!

Now let’s relax! And the rope continues to pull up. The whole body is relaxed, the spine is extended. Let’s not forget to breathe! Breathing is deep, even… We hang on a rope calmly and relaxed. So the raincoat hangs on a hanger. We try.

Second rope. She pulls forward. It sets the primary impulse for movement: the rope is stretched — the chest is behind it, the shoulders are slightly behind, and now the whole body is floating, supported by two ropes. The main thing here is not to be surprised when you notice that the chest seems to have increased … The shoulders straightened themselves! Relaxation…

Just don’t try to fly away! A jumping gait is only able to decorate a five-year-old girl — the “calm grace of a panther” has stuck to you. We take a step immediately on a full foot — at the same time we knead the ankle joints. And smoother, slower… With dignity!

We notice: the gait “from the hip” “drawn” by itself, the shoulders moved by themselves to the rhythm of the movement — a little bit, and behind them — relaxed hands. Not just movement in space — dance. Let the appropriate melody play in your head. The beauty! “Men don’t let such a woman through.”

Why does a gentleman let a lady go first?

To look at her from behind.

That, in fact, is all. It remains only to make a new gait habitual — to master. And when it becomes completely yours — hang on, guys!

New walk, new person. We have only changed the gait, but is it only the gait that has changed? Not only. The state of health, self-perception has also changed — self-esteem has risen. So? If not, you are instructed to put the book aside and walk for at least twenty minutes, trying, trying on, mastering a new gait. Consciousness and body are parts of a single system.

What happens when we start moving differently? First comes confusion – the body is surprised! Still not surprised here: all my life I have been moving along well-established trajectories, and here the hostess makes me try something completely new. This «confusion» plays into our hands — we usually use it to switch our emotional state.

Very comfortably! How to switch from one emotion to another — the opposite? One way is through neutral — confusion. What to do if your interlocutor is bored, angry or sad? Cause surprise! It instantly washes away the traces of the previous state, and the person opens up to new emotions.

Moreover, this affects not only the soul, but also the mind. Surprised, the interlocutor finds himself in a situation where there is no ready-made response program in his head. He is now ready to accept the first available program of action, if only to get out of this situation of uncertainty! This is one of the principles of conversational hypnosis, we will talk about it later, but now we will return to your internal changes.

So, by suggesting a new gait to the body, we aroused its surprise. Where will our emotions go next? Let’s follow.

The «upper rope» straightens the spine: all the internal organs finally take the position prepared by nature — they breathe freely. The crown went up, the chin — a little down. Growth increases noticeably, royal dignity and indulgence appear.

The «lower rope» raises the chest, straightens the shoulders — now you can breathe normally. Relaxed. Also a relief. The general relaxation of the body, the removal of «muscle clamps» allows you to forget all the worries — to plunge into a calm, clean, confident state. Now we are free!

By the way, when my colleagues modeled external signs of confident behavior, they turned out to be:

• bodily stability, strong support under the feet;
• free breathing, with the ability to breathe deeply without changing posture;
• fluency of gestures.

And this is understandable, because any inconvenience gradually, drop by drop, spends our personal strength. And what is confidence without inner strength? Therefore, even such simple changes in posture and gait give a tangible effect.

Pleasant experience. Enjoy it! I just took a walk myself — beauty … True, it’s easier for me: I have fun with this gait for more than a year — I’m used to it. But, even after getting used to it, I do not always use it: it is not mine. How to find your walk? Calmness, for the sake of this this chapter was started.

Personal Editing Principles

gait of power — this is the name of one of the NLP techniques from the personality editing block. What kind of block is this? This is a set of behavioral strategies designed to find, improve and use the «hidden» reserves of one’s own body. Often this is a purely exploratory search, when at the beginning of the path you have no idea where it will lead you.

I put the word “hidden” in quotation marks for a reason: we will not have to open the “deep layers of the subconscious” in search of resources, we will not dive into a state of deep hypnotic trance — we will try what has always been available to us. We just didn’t think about it before. We had no idea that all our resources were on the surface.

Why such a name — «gait of power»? Apparently, this is a consequence of the internal state that inevitably forms in the body when you walk using this gait. She’s perfect for you! And this means that all the energy that was previously spent on maintaining the former habitual, but uncomfortable position is released in you. Energy was spent on fixing muscle clamps, on restraining natural movements — on fighting with oneself. When you walk with your (!) gait of power, you really feel a surge of strength. Hence the name.

It is possible to give a more cheerful interpretation. Power — from the word «I can»! I can go this way, I can go that way. I can! And she always could. And I can find a dozen more similar walks! Or more, as I please. I’m different! This is the feeling of self that gives the gait of power.

What do we need to purchase it? About an hour of free time and five meters of free space. And that’s all.

I can almost hear the mixed hum of the inner voices of the readers. Some people said to themselves that they didn’t have a free hour and that it wasn’t foreseen in the next five years. Others — figured out the size of their own apartment in their minds and realized that «it’s easier to teach a hare to smoke.» Still others, on the contrary, did not believe my optimism, remembering how many years models and dancers have put their gaits on.

Two new Russians meet.

— Bro, I heard you bought a plane.

— Yes, I bought it. Very comfortably!

— And how much are airplanes now?

— Five million dollars.

— Gosha! That’s two months of work!

What can be said here? Only that I don’t need to believe “on the word”. Try, check, look for options. If it doesn’t work, you can throw this book away altogether. Why read, if it’s still of little use?

The first principle of personal editing. «How to eat an elephant? “One piece at a time.” Walking is a rather complex process. At the same time (in a strictly defined sequence) dozens of muscle groups are involved. And we are going to make changes to this long-established system.

Therefore, we will highlight the key parameters of the gait, with which we will work. With each one separately. This is an important point — to monitor only one parameter «at a time». Conscious attention is a thing that is painfully limited. But what we have, that is, we will use it with maximum efficiency.

We can redirect our attention and become aware of what we were not aware of before. Retraining is based on this idea: we “pull out” an already formed skill to the level of consciousness and change it consciously, that is, in the way we need it.

In general, when we work with any skill worked out to automatism, we act according to the following algorithm:

• Awareness of the skill and the need for its correction.
• Making the necessary changes.
• Conscious development of a new skill to full automatism.
• Unconscious use of skill.

Most of the learning processes follow this algorithm. It is on it that we will work out the new strategies proposed in this book. You and I will take what you already did successfully (unconsciously), ask questions that allow you to think about it consciously, and develop new unconscious skills. Of course, more efficient.

At the same time, do not be surprised if, in the interim, when you try to control yourself consciously, your actions lose their grace and naturalness. Yet the power of consciousness is much more modest than that of the unconscious.

When the centipede was asked how she managed with all her legs, she thought and could not take a single step … True, after she guessed to walk «in step», she was able to walk much faster.

Therefore, before you have a new skill, train «on cats». In the sense in those conditions when these trainings will not bring significant harm to anyone. Especially to you!

What gait parameters are usually worked with? In fact, if you have a friend who is ready to help you in acquiring a new — more perfect — gait, then the task is greatly simplified. It is enough to walk in front of her a couple of times (dozens — ha ha!) With her usual gait, and she will easily indicate the parameters that require additional adjustment. Let’s say the head is too low, the shoulders have gone forward, one arm is motionless … It happens, too.

Since such a friend still needs to be found, and then still be persuaded to deal with you, I will replace her for you. In absentia, of course. And since I do not have the happiness of seeing you personally, we will work with all your gait. From head to toe.

The parameters that we will pay attention to when adjusting each element of the gait are:

• range of motion;
• their symmetry;
• muscle tone;
• movement speed.

Complicated? It will be even more difficult! Or more simply: many do their walk of power in twenty minutes, and even manage to get pleasure from it. I, for example. So — do not worry! Everything will work out for us!

Now let’s outline how we will «break» the gait into elements.

Geography lesson. The teacher asks Vovochka:

What parts of the world do you know?

— Light bulb, switch, wires, socket …

First, we will select the “large blocks”, then we will break them into parts:

• head, neck, face;
• shoulder girdle, arms, hands;
• chest, abdomen, pelvis;
• hips, knees, feet.

What to do with all this? Play! Take, for example, the bottommost block. Here you can adjust the length of the step, its width (“along the string” or “on two rails” — “gait of a sailor”), socks in or out, from toe to heel or from heel to toe, bend your knees or not, how much … It’s time formulate the second principle of personal editing.

The second principle of personal editing. Mastering our personal space, we try extreme options. For example, when mastering such a gait parameter as head tilt, we try options from literally touching the chest with the chin to the maximum tipping of the head back. What for? To expand the boundaries of comfort.

Giving as much choice as possible is one of the most important methods of change in NLP. The fact is that nelpers proceed from the fact that at each moment of time we unconsciously choose the best action available to us at the moment. The only question is how to acquaint our unconscious with new possibilities.

Sometimes in my consultations I give a «simple» task — to write 100 answers to the question «Who am I?». Of course, people have to work hard. But what a sense of freedom comes when they realize how different they can be! But this entire role-playing range is available at any time!

Everyone chooses the best option from those that he considers available. This is indeed a fairly global principle. If someone is yelling at you, that’s the best thing they can do right now. In his opinion. And it’s worth throwing him a better option (from his point of view) — he will choose it.

Some family therapy sessions go something like this. A couple comes, complains about constant quarrels, for example. After a couple of questions, it turns out that «everything is going fine until he starts yelling at me.» Further, the consultant works with her husband:

What do you want to achieve when you yell at your wife?

I want her to listen to my words.

— And how does it work?

“Actually, not really…

Would you like to know how to achieve the same goal more effectively?

— Of course!

— Do you think your wife will be able to tell you how best to attract her attention?

— Yes, probably…

Now the consultant turns to his wife:

— Tell me, were there situations when your husband spoke in such a way that you immediately understood that you should listen to his words?

— Were.

After the wife recalls several similar situations, the counselor invites her to tell her husband about what happened. The consultant’s task is to focus the couple’s attention on intonations, facial expressions and gestures that are typical for situations of effective communication.

It remains only to let the couple try out the “new” behaviors and make sure that they are really effective. Problem removed. And note: the consultant did not say a word about the fact that now it is not necessary to use the cry — this option still remains with them.

You can cook on a fire, but when there is a microwave oven, no one is surprised that the hostess prefers to use it. But in field conditions, it is the old version that is appropriate — a fire.

It’s the same with walking. The old gait will remain with you. I won’t be able to take it away. And I won’t. And no one will force you to use a new one. Therefore, feel free to try the most «wild» options: waving your arms like propellers, «crooking-shrinking», walking «socks in», on straight legs … We give our body maximum choice, maximum freedom. Only in this way we are guaranteed not to miss a single chance to make the walk even more comfortable, even more convenient. And yourself — even more powerful.

Nelper Accelerated Learning

How to find the perfect gait? The very procedure for “trying on” new gait parameters is quite simple: walk in one extreme position, walk in another. Then we go — looking for a balance. We focus, of course, exclusively on our inner feelings.

Usually, choose the most comfortable position, but there are options. For some, the criterion will be the state of confidence, for someone — lightness. Someone will look for calmness, someone — playfulness. Options — a lot. As well as generated as a result of gaits.

I understand that the proposal to choose internal sensations as the main parameter may somewhat surprise those of the beauties who undertook to create their gait of power solely for the sake of external effect. Don’t worry, we’ll get to that too. As an additional reassurance, I will say that a woman who feels comfortable and relaxed simply cannot make an unfavorable impression. Up to certain limits, of course. But I repeat: we will also evaluate the external effect. Then. Everything has its time.

But what about the gait of the model we studied at the beginning of this chapter? How does it relate to the gait of power? When a similar question arose at the training, I simply suggested that the doubters walk in front of the audience with one and the other gait. The results of the comparison showed that the gait of power looks more natural and often more beautiful than the gait of a model. Although, perhaps, this is nothing more than a reaction to the fact that your own gait is created by you and for you, and the gait of the model still needs to be mastered and adapted. Models go oh how spectacular!

So, so that there is no particular disagreement about which sensation to focus on, I will use the concept of balance. We try extreme options, and then we look for a balance. This is a very important feeling — a sense of balance. It is this that gives us a piece of what makes up the “powerfulness” of our gait. Therefore, the newly found sense of balance needs to be stabilized — consolidated.

How to fix the found option? To do this, we need an anchor — a label in the mind, which will be associated with the found state of balance. The topic of anchoring is a separate and fairly large topic. They appeared in NLP due to the development of Pavlov’s theory of the conditioned reflex. And through the development of American behavioral psychologists. Remember: stimulus-response? So here — we need to choose some kind of stimulus controlled by us, which will automatically evoke in us the required reaction — a sense of balance.

What might work for this? Any sound or word spoken aloud or to yourself at the moment when you have finally found the required balance. When the gait of power is being designed under the guidance of an experienced nelper, you don’t have to think about any anchors — he will anchor everything that is needed. For example, the word «balance». Or chuckle at the right moment. Or touch: he can.

Boxer complains to the doctor about insomnia. That:

— Try to count.

— I tried — at the expense of «nine» I jump up!

How else can you anchor your inner state? An internal picture — in a way, again — in any way. You can imagine a flower, or your favorite book (this one, of course), or the admiring face of your lover … It doesn’t matter what you imagine, it matters at what moment you do it. We present the picture at the moment of the strongest, purest and clearest sense of balance.

The desired sensation will now be associated with this sound and/or this image. But not only. At the same time, our choice of a specific parameter value is fixed: head tilt, stride length, movement speed — what did you work with there?

But that’s not all.

Overlay states on a single anchor. The balance state, which we will find for each parameter, will be superimposed on exactly the same anchor. The balance of the shoulders, the balance of the movement of the hips, the balance of tension in the muscles of the face, the balance of the hands — all this constitutes a single balance. By stringing a multitude of similar states on a single anchor, we reinforce what they have in common. We create the most pure and strong anchor.

In the same way — by overlaying — you can create an anchor of a completely arbitrary state. Surprise, for example. Remember what we said about the state of wonder? From there you can go to any other experience. Surprise is a useful anchor. We choose an anchor (a characteristic gesture, for example) and string on it all the situations of surprise that we just remembered. Surprise from a friendly surprise, surprise from an unexpected decision, surprise from an uncharacteristic act of a friend, surprise from a sudden change in the situation … All these “surprises” are one anchor. Do not be lazy — create. Useful in a difficult situation! You just need to stock up on an anchor of some other pleasant state so that you have something to switch to after the surprise call.

The girl shows her tongue to the man, her grandmother is outraged:

— What are you doing?! You can’t show your tongue!

Yes, this is our doctor! He likes it.

The anchor of the state of balance is what will help to bring the whole gait together later. Actually, it is thanks to him that we are able to create, assemble and master a new gait in less than an hour. And would you try to do all this without an anchor! Go and make sure that the head is exactly in the position found, the breathing is exactly of this type and of such depth, the width of the step meets the requirements of balance, the height of the raising of the feet … There are a lot of parameters! And it’s impossible to consciously keep track of everyone! But with the help of anchoring — it’s easy. It’s like you’re appointing some part of your brain as a secretary; let him take care of it all.

How to assemble a gait together? Okay, now we know how to work with each specific gait parameter, how to find and consolidate ideal options, how to combine all this into a single state. It remains only to offer an option in which sequence to collect all this into a single system — the gait of power.

Knowing that conscious attention can only cover a small area of ​​work, at any particular moment in time we work with only one parameter of gait. Others are omitted. It is quite normal if, paying attention to the width of the step, we allow our hands to move as they consider convenient. Moreover, at the moment of turning on our balance anchor, those movements that we have chosen and anchored for them will be convenient for them. Naturally, if we managed to work with the hands before moving on to the length of the step.

We will collect the gait in groups. For example, like this:

• head, neck, face;
• shoulder girdle, arms, hands;
• chest, abdomen, pelvis;
• hips, knees, feet.

Sequence of actions: parameter selection, fitting of extreme options, balance search, balance anchoring. Anchored the whole group? We collect with the help of an anchor and try to walk. At the same time, if we are now collecting the shoulder girdle and arms, then we temporarily forget about the legs, torso and neck. Gathered a group? Let’s move on to the next one. Did you get all the groups? We connect them together and try the gait as a whole.

And the focus here is on the inner state. On the state of power generated by the unification of ten balances. And it also adds pleasure from work, cheerfulness from physical activity, joyful expectation of obtaining the final result, anticipation of success and admiring glances … And much more. Good and bright, of course. And this state of power is now firmly connected to your new walk. Which makes it even better.

Walk ready? Yes. Can I go to the people? You can, of course, but it’s better to do a couple more things. More on this later.

Three must-have steps to success

Evaluation of the work done is carried out from the meta-position — the position of the observer. How is it done in practice?

We move a few steps away from the place where we learned the new gait. This is very important, since it is desirable for us to evaluate the results “on a sober head”, and the very place where we learned to walk is associated with strong emotions. A few steps to the side, and we are in the position of an impartial observer, allowing us to be out of worries.

From meta-position, we mentally imagine how we walk using the gait of power. Here it is important to see yourself from the outside, and not to remember how it was at the moment when you created the gait. You «look» not from your current position, but from the point of view of the camera located in the meta position. Otherwise, how were you going to evaluate what was created?

The most interesting thing is that one such mental representation is enough to find and correct almost all visible gait flaws. Wonders of the Unconscious! If you ask a woman if everything is in order with her hair, then she can easily see herself from the outside. In the imagination, of course. And only then he decides to look for a mirror or touch his hair with his hand to make sure that he already knows.

So, we go into a meta-position, look at ourselves from the outside, evaluate the quality of the new gait, find shortcomings and eliminate them. Then we go out again, evaluate, correct. Until we are convinced that the created gait is perfect.

Where, when, and with whom do you want to use your newly acquired gait of power? Everywhere, always and with everyone? That doesn’t happen. And you don’t want to if you think for a while. Another option for avoiding the answer: then and there, when I decide for myself. Good care, almost flawless. I used it myself. But it’s still care!

It has long been noted that by refusing to choose specific circumstances for the use of the gait of power, you leave it where you learned it. At the moment when she could really come in handy, she will not be remembered. Unless, of course, we didn’t think about it beforehand. Or don’t use it so often that it becomes an automatic skill.

But thinking about the contexts of using a new skill, we program the brain to automatically turn on the gait at the right time. And for this it is worth spending a fraction of mental effort.

Context is very important. And a simple question helps to understand this: under what circumstances is the use of the gait of power undesirable? Where, when and with whom?

The mother-in-law came to her son-in-law and said:

— That’s what, my dear son-in-law, do what you want, get out as best you can, but you must bury me at the Novodevichy cemetery.

Son-in-law the next day:

— Do what you want, but the funeral is tomorrow. At two.

Each reader will have their own answers. I will name the most obvious ones: in a dark alley, when you are alone and there is a danger of an attack, at a funeral, when they do not expect solemnity from you, in winter with ice … In general, these are situations when a different external effect is required, a different internal state and just different body movements.

And now that you already know under what circumstances you will not use the power walk, it will be easy for you to name situations when you will most need it. These are situations when you want to make a certain external effect, feel on a horse or just move with convenience and comfort.

Name at least three situations of each type! Most specific! “The section from the house to the bus stop”, “the corridor on the second floor at the institute”, “the reception room and the chief’s office”. And don’t worry: by choosing specific situations, you reserve the right to use your purchase wherever you want. But by choosing them, you give your brain a clue: to independently start walking where and when you have chosen right now. And it’s called…

Adjusting for the future. This is a mental rehearsal of future actions with reference to a specific context. This is the last step in any NLP technique, ensuring that all the benefits gained from working on yourself will be claimed. Nelpers say so: «Name the day, place and hour when you need these skills.»

A new Russian has arrived in Italy. Stayed in Rome, in a five-star hotel. Housemaid:

— Signor, when will you have a bath?

— So, today is Wednesday? .. Saturday, please.

True, in the technique of creating a gait, it will not be possible to manage only mental playback — you will have to move. Namely: I propose to mark the place where you created the gait of power — your path. To do this, you need to choose a point, starting from which you mentally find yourself where you need a new gait. We call this section of the path a situation. The transition point is the threshold. You walk along the “usual” part of the path as usual, and when you cross the threshold, you walk with a gait of power. On the way back, in the situation, you are still walking with the gait of power. Having crossed the threshold — having left the situation — you return to your usual gait.

The effectiveness of future alignment is, you guessed it, based on anchoring. We create a connection between the given situation and the required behavior. Therefore, it is desirable, when choosing a threshold point, to link it to some detail from the situation itself — to the appearance of the door, the sound of someone’s voice calling you by name, the last step on the stairs … For the same reason, it may be necessary to repeat the adjustment to the future many times: we create a conditioned reflex. However, five or six «walks» should be enough. And if you also consider that we need to work out at least three contexts, the skill of going back and forth will work out with ease!

Repetition traversed

And so the first chapter of this book comes to an end. Some of the readers have already tried on the gait of the model and use it with delight. Others have created their own ideal gait and look forward to their success with others. Still others enriched themselves with new knowledge. Perhaps they will apply this information as soon as they read the chapter to the end. There are also fourth ones who read for the pleasure of reading — this is also not bad.

Soldier’s canteen. A dialogue between a chef and a doctor checking the quality of food. Cook:

— Would you like to try?

Thanks, I already looked.

Indeed, why live on your own when you can read about how others do it? After all, reading about pleasure is also pleasure. Kind of, really.

But it is also true that NLP books are not just books. There is also incidental information here, when through the description of the technique of creating a gait, knowledge of the most important basic principles of NLP and useful suggestions are given that act regardless of whether they are realized or not. Therefore, even just reading a book has a positive effect on you. Moreover, not only your gait changes for the better, but your whole life.

It is clear. And it remains for us only to repeat and summarize the information obtained in this chapter. Repeat to apply in life, obviously.

• Imagination is a huge power. To walk like models do, it is enough to imagine a rope attached to the top of the head and pulling up, and a rope pulling from the chest forward. The step is taken as far as possible to the full stop. The whole body is as relaxed as possible, breathing is free.
• Consciousness and body are parts of a single system. A change in gait affects both well-being and psychological state. The gait of the model gives self-confidence, emancipation and self-esteem.
• A neutral emotion — surprise — helps to change your mood to the opposite. A surprised person is extremely easy to give in to any suggestions. Including inspired emotion. And here anchoring will help us.
• An anchor is a conditioned stimulus under our direct control that elicits a response we know. The anchor itself should be emotionally neutral. One way to explain the action of anchors is Pavlov’s theory of the conditioned reflex.
• Anchoring — anchoring — is carried out by presenting a stimulus at the moment of the most intense manifestation of emotion. In this case, the “stimulus-response” loop is formed the first time. It is also possible to anchor by repeated presentation of the stimulus at the moment of manifestation of the desired state.
• You can create your own walk of power using the principles of personality editing. These include: a conscious change in automatically performed details of behavior according to the scheme awareness — change — development — automatism, while at each moment of time conscious attention is paid to only one parameter of change; search and try on new behaviors with the fullest use of their own capabilities. Any behavior is a choice of the best option available at the moment.
• Creating a gait of power, we pay attention to facial expressions, the position of the head, shoulder girdle, arms, hands, chest, abdomen, hips, knees, feet. At the same time, we regulate the amplitude and speed of movements, their symmetry and muscle tone.
• Changing the parameters of the gait, we focus on the internal sensations of convenience, comfort, naturalness, harmony — balance.
• The found value of the parameter and the feeling of balance are fixed with the help of an anchor. In this case, the balances for each parameter are superimposed on one anchor, which allows you to build the most pure and strong state of balance. Focusing on this state, we can easily put together the whole gait.
• Evaluation of the work done is made from the meta-position. At the same time, we move away from the place where we worked, and mentally imagine how we look when we walk with our new gait. We eliminate the found shortcomings by leaving the meta-position. If necessary, after performing this check, you can ask for the opinion of third-party observers.
• It is useful to recognize and distinguish groups of situations in which it will be useful to use the walk of power, as well as those in which the use of this walk is inappropriate. At the same time, we focus both on the external effect and external circumstances, and on our own internal state. It is useful to identify at least three situations of each type.
• For those situations when walking is needed, we perform an adjustment to the future — a rehearsal of living the situation with new opportunities. This allows you to anchor the details of the outside world to automatically call the desired gait. At the same time, the entrance and exit from the gait of power is naturally practiced.

So, we got acquainted with what any woman who claims to be epithets effective, self-confident, graceful, regal should own … We have mastered the art of the perfect gait. She already in itself gives you harmony and smartness, but if you really want to build it, read on.

Chapter 2

In an attempt to fill the void she feels, she eats. But since the emptiness of hunger can be filled by stuffing the stomach, the emptiness of the emotional state, when you want to be taken care of, to be needed, is not filled so easily. However, while for Sharon the realization of such highly valued emotional states is not a matter of choice, but only a matter of chance, she does only one thing that she knows that can change the feelings swarming inside her — she eats.

Leslie Cameron-Bandler, David Gordon, Michael LeBeau

This topic is obviously very relevant. Years of advertising time on television, hectares of advertising space in newspapers are dedicated to her! And how many tons of specially synthesized «food» are eaten by women all over the world in a desperate attempt to meet the ideals of beauty! How many special tights have been worn out, how many hundreds of diets have been invented!

Personal consultation. The client is a large woman:

— I’m on three diets at the same time — it doesn’t help!

— And which ones specifically?

— On flour, vegetable and meat.

Yes, attempts to create (and sell) a universal way to lose weight are so contradictory that I realized: everything is possible. In a sense, you can always find a suitable diet that gives permission for this particular tidbit … And people are looking and looking: “What would you eat to lose weight?” I do not remember the author of this pearl, but it sounds great.

We are bombarded from all sides with the latest weight loss products. At times it seems that everyone only thinks about it. False impression. Specially created. They say that in the US they almost banned the show of «Teletubbies» for «forming the wrong ideals» of the human figure. Well, at least the public does not touch our Cheburashka yet …

I will not touch on the topic of losing weight, but after reading this chapter, you may be able to change something in yourself to become slimmer. What’s the difference? More on this later.

I foresee the question: “Why did the topic of harmony appear in a book on psychology?” Well, firstly, this book is not on psychology, but on NLP, so «what I want, I write.» Secondly, I write, most likely, what the readers want: open any women’s magazine … Thirdly, “let the first stone be thrown at me” by the one who proves that NLP is absolutely useless in the matter of excess weight. As you already understood, each topic of our conversation with you is used by me only as an occasion for a further story about the techniques and approaches of NLP …

Those who have absolutely no complaints about their figure can skip this chapter. True, even they can find something useful here. I will address mainly to those who are concerned about the problems of the figure, or at least are interested.

Where did we get this goal?

Let’s start with where the classic NLP consultation begins: why do you care? How did you understand that you should pay attention to your figure? What makes you think that there is something wrong with her? Maybe she’s just fine?

Think about it.

Perhaps the answer to these questions lies in another series of questions. For example, who benefits from having a great figure? By the way, where did you get the standard of this very “beautiful figure”? Who benefits from you worrying about this topic? Who needs your desire for it?

If you come across an obvious answer, keep looking: it may well turn out that the obvious answer is not the only one, much less the decisive one.

Who decides for us? At one time, nelpers identified three main areas that we focus on when making decisions: self, other, and context. In scientific terms, this is the answer to the question, where is my focus of power or responsibility.

• I can make my own decision based on my own values ​​and criteria. I care about my opinion.
• I can adapt to the «boss» — the other: «Honey, how do you like my hair?» It’s like you don’t have an opinion. It appears only after someone else (authority) formulates it.
• I can focus on external circumstances, context, environment. “What is fashionable this season?”

The husband constantly lost at the races, and the wife, deciding to take matters into her own hands, went with him to the hippodrome. Arriving, she gives her husband a hundred euros and sends him to bet on number 15. The race has begun. The fifteenth horse instantly takes the lead and, leading all the time, comes first. The wife is satisfied

«Come on, let’s get our winnings!»

— You see, I met a friend here, and he advised me to put everything on a deuce …

His wife throws him a chic tantrum, but, having calmed down, gives him another hundred and sends him to bet on number 7. History repeats itself: the husband met his friend again. Then she decides:

— We are leaving! Here’s some money for you — go get a taxi.

Five minutes later, the husband returns with three bottles of beer:

– Darling, you will laugh, but I met my friend again.

Let me clarify right away that each of these tricks of power in certain circumstances turns out to be the most effective. I will not advise which of them and where is appropriate. Let me just say that this distribution suits me:

• I focus on myself and only myself when it comes to my personal health and well-being. This is where my values ​​and criteria come into play. I make decisions myself when I consider myself competent enough in this particular case.
• I focus on the other in communication — communication, that is. The meaning of communication is in the reaction it evokes. If I want to achieve something from another, I will adapt to him. Another reason to rely on another is his professionalism, again in this particular case.
• I try to live up to the standards of the society I live in. “To a strange monastery with its own charter…” Accordingly, standards, ideals, etiquette, social frameworks “crawl out”… However, if all this is at odds with my values, I would prefer to “change the situation” – go to a place where this difference is smaller. And you can create an environment — «your circle.»

So where did your desire for harmony come from? Have you really decided this? Or did your boss, husband, lover, mother, aunt, neighbor, friend decide so? Is it beneficial for you? “The beauty of a woman has long been one of the virtues of her companion,” La Rochefoucauld put it roughly like this. Make sure you at least benefit from it.

“You understand, no matter how many girls I introduce to my mother, she doesn’t like any of them.

“Then find a bride who looks like your mother.”

— I found it, but my father is categorically against it.

I wonder who will live with the ideal wife he found: father or mother? Or is he himself? I doubt it, though. I only know for sure that it is you who will have to live with a “freshly acquired” figure.

What are the standard 90-60-90 worth (“from what lamp” are they taken from? My dear fashionistas, you won’t even wear a dress a second time if you see it on another! What if everyone has exactly the same figure?

Dee Snider, author of the wonderful book Teenage Survival Course, put it this way:

«Dolls like the popular busty Barbie offer physical ideals that are simply impossible to achieve for two natural reasons: gravity and reality.»

Millions of girls and women bring themselves to the brink of physical exhaustion, trying to get closer to this «fragile in all respects» ideal. Do you need it?

Let’s say — it is necessary to become more attractive to Him. Perhaps this is indeed a worthy goal. True, even in this book there are chapters that will allow you to get His attention without voluntarily accepting starvation. Here the question is different. Are you sure your subject likes Barbies? That’s the same.

Again, all of these questions are raised both in the consultation and in the book to help you figure out your own purpose. They will convince someone of their own rightness and further strengthen the desire to work on themselves, and someone will decide that “there are more important things to do”, and harmony is “a demon beguiled”.

In any case, it is useful for all of us sometimes to think about both the sources and the consequences of our own decisions. And change them at your own discretion.

How to take power into your own hands? How to change your focus of power? Note! I did not ask: «Is it possible …» — I immediately turned to the means. This, by the way, is one of the reasons for such a high efficiency of NLP technologies. And in any area: from starting your own business to treating acquired allergies.

From the question «how?» NLP started. Its creators were worried about one thing: how do some people manage to easily get what others can only dream of? How did they come to this? And, of course, how to learn it? So nelpers came to study the structure of people’s subjective experience — the arrangement of their inner world. Sooner or later, one of the most effective ways to study, describe and change the coding of our brains appeared — submodality. Submodalities are characteristics of internal images, sounds and sensations. These are the settings of our “internal TVs”: brightness, contrast, size, saturation, volume…

— Doctor! I have green circles under my eyes!

— What color do you prefer?

One of the most favorite phrases of practicing psychologists: “It is not written on the experience how to treat it!” No, it’s written. In the language of submodalities. And these inscriptions are easily read by our brain. And he listens.

We will also listen. «A close person»: probably, his image is at a lesser distance from us than the rest. «His opinion prevails over me» — the picture is above, bodily sensations are possible — let’s clarify. “This contrasts sharply with my conclusions” — contrast, brightness, other colors — let’s look, ask around …

Submodalities of sounds, pictures and sensations

A good illustration of the theme of submodalities is Konstantin Nikolsky’s song «My friend is an artist and a poet» — very nelper, as you will now understand:

My love has changed color

A wonderful, bright day has faded away.

My love at night is covered by a shadow.

Cheerful colors chatter,

Magic fire game

My love no longer pleases me.

Gentle tones faded

Height and depth have disappeared,

And there are no more clear lines —

Here is a portrait of indifference.

Etc. Let’s refrain from quoting the whole song: the essence is already clear. One has only to clarify that Nikolsky describes how everything works in his inner world. As the authors of political detectives write, “all coincidences are random” — it may turn out differently for you.

Richard Bandler, one of the founders of NLP, based his work on the following logical chain: Submodalities encode all experiences. We can control submodalities. This means that we can control all our experiences. Nicely.

Pleasant, but incomprehensible. What does «all experiences» mean? A few examples: the emotional evaluation of any event, belief or doubt, understanding or confusion, the location of the event on our timeline, reality or fiction, subjective significance …

Even more specific? Good. What does the ability to choose an arbitrary «emotional assessment of any event» mean? They yell at me, but I don’t care. The bus left from under the nose — I rejoice. And not through the search for a «good reason» for joy, as «mere mortals» psychologists do, but naturally. Because that’s how my brain was programmed. We urgently need to be offended — just a minute, I will adjust the submodalities to the emotion of resentment …

A small practical experiment.

Think of two different people. The opinion of one of them, let’s say, is extremely important. The words of the other are «an empty sound.» Or so: one is your “love to the grave”, the other is “just a friend”. Remembered?

Now imagine them at the same time and compare the submodalities of these pictures. Which one is closer? Who is bigger? Who is higher? More voluminous, more colourful, brighter, more contrast? Who is moving and who is stationary? Who is on your right, who is on your left? Find the maximum number of differences.

Comparison of visual submodalities

Next step. Gradually, submodality by submodality, we change the design of the second image to make it exactly the same as the first. The content — the person — remains the same. But the attitude… Is it changing? No problem! Just do not forget to return everything «as it was» !!! Now we are experimenting, not conducting therapy. Now — on the contrary: we bring the submodalities of the first image in line with the second … It’s just some kind of magic! .. Let’s bring it back.

Timur Gagin, by the way, offers a rather amusing experiment. Track the submodalities of what you call «big money», «normal money» and «little money». Now make the amount corresponding to normal money a submodality of small money. And make big money normal. What amount corresponds to big money now? Following the perception, both income and expenses will gradually catch up …

As you can see, we do have complete power over our inner world. And we will use it to learn how to manage our focus of power and learn to finally trust our opinion. By the way, quite often there are situations when, on the contrary, it is useful to dampen/mute one’s own opinion in order to hear/perceive someone else’s… (Have you tracked submodalities?)

Submodalities of the focus of power. Recall several situations of two types: when your own opinion was more important to you — and when you relied on the opinions of others. Find common ground in the submodal characteristics of situations of the same type. After that, pay attention to the differences between situations of different types. Differences in structure, not content! It is important.

It is clear that the findings you have made will be somewhat different from generalized ideas, but so that you have something to navigate, I will give you some information. Firstly, the number of pictures with different opinions — our own and others’ — plays a role. Secondly, someone’s opinion can be additionally voiced, but someone’s — not. Thirdly, a more significant opinion often literally overshadows others. It’s higher, it’s bigger, it’s closer, it’s brighter, it has volume, it’s going to be more like a movie than a static picture…

How can one not remember about advertising and political technologies based on submodalities! Watch TV — get a lot of pleasure, recognizing the mechanisms you already know in the masterful directing and camera work. Lenin with his armored car (submodality — height) would be envious!

So we know the submodal structure of the present state. We know the structure of the desired. We also know how to move from the present state to the desired one. Forward!

Lose weight or build up?

The fact that these are obviously different goals, I understand. But it is also clear that while this difference for you may not be obvious. A good reason to take a closer look at her.

Recall the famous advertising slogans: “Do you want to lose weight? Ask me how! ”,“ Lose weight forever! ”,“ Lose weight with us! ”,“ Lose weight in 10 days ”,“ The best way to lose weight ”… I admit some immorality and I confess: in my school years, a rare ad of this kind remained without my «editor’s correction», which allows, by overwriting just two letters, to «reveal the true essence» of the proposed methods of losing weight. Guess what letters?

Now — a little more seriously. What is the root word for lose weight? That’s just it, that to lose weight from the word «bad.» These are the roots of the «great, mighty, truthful and free Russian language.» Wanting to lose weight, our potential «skinny» are going to become worse. «It’s bad for me, mother!» And what is the opposite of the word «lose weight» in Russian? The words «get well», «get well».

Build soldiers. The new company commander gets acquainted with the personnel. Approaches the first fighter — he stretches out:

— Private Orlov.

Well done, Orlov! You will be an eagle! praises the commander.

Suitable for the following:

“Private Kozlov,” he introduces himself.

Commander compassionately:

— Well, nothing, nothing …

Perhaps this is nothing more than the result of a spontaneously formed public opinion centuries ago (remember, by the way, the ancient standards of beauty, not only ancient Greek, of course). Maybe. But the fact is that the original meanings of words are much closer to our unconscious. Therefore, if you set yourself a goal, then it’s better to become slimmer than thinner — worse.

A separate topic, which we will not delve too deeply into, is phonosemantics — the unconscious comprehension of the sound of speech. So, there are computer programs that allow you to analyze the phonetic impact of texts. To the word “lose weight”, the VAAL program of Vladimir Shalak, among other things, gave out: sad, scary, weak, base. It’s great, right? But the goal of “become slimmer” left the program indifferent, which is not bad.

If we talk about the emotional richness of our goals, then it would be appropriate to add the statement that the goal should evoke positive emotions. Emotions are the body’s way of letting us know if it will fulfill our wishes. If the emotions are bad, it won’t. True, this is only the best case. At worst, it will, but you will not like the result.

At the training «Development of personal strength» I specifically draw the attention of participants to their emotional state. Actions dictated by fear, anger, guilt or resentment do not lead to good.

Who, for example, likes to complain about a bad memory? Your memory is good! It’s just that if you hated “that damned chemistry”, you didn’t remember it, but what you love, you still remember and know. There are cases when a child, unable to learn even a couple of English words, easily listed the names of dozens of Pokemon from Japanese cartoons. And not only names, but all their characters, habits, etc.

Now the question to fill in: what kind of emotional charge does an advertisement like “Get rid of FAT!!!” contains? Strong charge. And negative. How much hatred in this short phrase! Hate yourself. This usually begins cancer — the rejection of the body’s own tissues.

— Did you hear that Larisa Dolina tried a fat absorber?

— So what?

— Disappeared!!!

But it’s not only that. The first condition of a well-formulated outcome is: «The goal must be formulated in the affirmative.» In How to Manage Yourself and Others with NLP,1 I have devoted many pages of text to the detailed rationale for this and other rules. Here I will only mention that the unconscious does not perceive denials at all. It automatically discards them, and the person comes to what he so wanted to avoid. What is the good wish «not to overstrain» …

Nelper gives alms to a professional beggar.

“Let not the hand of the giver fail!” he proclaims.

“Let not the hand of the one who takes it wither!” Nelper answers.

Good wishes, right? And how kind were the people who came up with this way of giving up your favorite food: rewriting phrases like “I won’t eat cream cakes! I refuse fried meat! I don’t want cabbage pies!» Horror! I want all this now! And if you think about it every day…

So, we do not run away from the bad — we strive for the good! We become slimmer, more beautiful, younger — we learn to control our own weight if necessary.

“I eat what I see” or “I see what I eat”?

If you are not a very happy owner of a few kilograms of extra weight, then it is possible that you have gained most of it thanks to the ability to eat on autopilot. Say, have you ever had such a thing that, having opened a pack of chips, a box of chocolates or a package of cookies, after a conversation, TV, book, you found it empty after a while? And the process of getting pleasure from delicacies passed by.

Another example: “I open the refrigerator, I take out food, I put it on the table … Phew! I’ve had enough.» The key word here is «food» — no matter what. Or “delicious” … And the fact that they do not eat food, but specific dishes, does not occur to them. «Lies in a plate — you have to eat.» Do I want it? Do I want this or that? The ability to choose your own food to your liking — to listen to the desires of your own body — is a skill of slender people. Fat people eat everything.

The new Russian boasts of his new crocodile to the «brothers»:

— Check it out guys! My crocodile has all golden teeth!!!

— Well, you’re cool! And havka is delivered to him straight from Africa?

— Yes, no … You see, boys, he, while his teeth were inserted, got used to dentists …

By the way, when you eat exactly what you most want at the moment, you are saturated with little. It is only important to have time to notice it.

A separate question is what slender people are guided by when choosing food. Indeed, for what? On their own, obviously. Or is it not obvious? Here are people who are trying to lose weight — those, for example, are guided by a diet invented by someone, by the calorie content of food indicated on the package …

«Three Big Macs and Diet Coke, please!»

Those who have lost weight also calculate their diet … And slender, I repeat, are guided by their own feelings.

But after all, many of those who eat immoderately and then regret it, also «follow their nature»! It is they who are attracted by the taste of richly seasoned fried pork, they are ready to “drool in advance”, imagining how a delicious cream is smeared in the mouth … And then they suffer from heaviness in the stomach, heartburn, etc.

Do you feel where the trick is? Correctly! The natural strategy of rational nutrition prioritizes the sensations after eating — the sensations in the stomach. Yes, it is tasty. Feelings are great. At the time of eating. And then? Then — differently. Here, choose. By the way, I make a choice either in one direction or the other — at my own will. And with full awareness of their own responsibility.

There is another way to make a decision — to be aware of what changes in appearance will lead to eating the next dish or refusing it. It is also based on an orientation towards the future. And it brings some results. Bad ones, really. Why? Because in this case, a person has to compare physical sensations with a visual image. Is it really easy?

Compare weight and brightness! Or color and loudness… One of the ways that many people actually use to «common denominate» sensations and images is to compare their emotions about each of them. I like the taste, but not the appearance. We draw conclusions.

What is the problem? The fact that for many people it will still be preferable to direct physical attraction. The kinesthetic (bodily) system of perception is «ancient» visual. And often stronger. Result? Feelings of guilt that spoil the appetite. And health. We have reached the emotional plane when comparing!

As you understand, comparing the sensations while eating with the sensations after it removes all these problems. Especially when you consider that the taste can be stretched for minutes, and the heaviness in the stomach is already hours … In which case, you can easily find a compromise, if not on the contents of the plate, then on the amount of food eaten.

Accordingly, the question arises: how much to eat at a time? The typical response of food lovers is “Filled!”. Usually it should be understood as «Back off!». An equally typical response from “good hosts” and no less “good guests” is until you finish your meal. Remember the «sadistic» «for mom, for dad, for grandfather …» — all the way! Well, the trade-off here would be to use smaller portions.

The daughter of wealthy parents, a very well-fed girl, shares her impressions with a school friend:

— Yesterday my mother and I went to a restaurant, what we just didn’t eat there: lobster, langet, barbecue! I ate so much I almost burst!

— And why a little: mom didn’t have enough money?

Now the typical advice: «To the feeling of slight hunger.» Typically ignored! And rightly so: Andrey Pligin advises “to complete the meal when it really becomes pleasant”, that is, on a feeling of pleasant satiety: let us eat a little more, but the body will not have the idea to store food for future use.

So, in nutrition, there are several key points:

• choice of food;
• the process of enjoyment itself;
• control of satiety;
• and, of course, the decision to start and end the process.

Awareness of each stage is the key to true pleasure. Slimness is a by-product here. However, very pleasant.

There is, however, one difficulty in all these tips: they will help only those who have more or less control over the moments of choice, beginning, process and end of food. If the “autopilot” does this for you, then first it would be good to learn how to turn it off. To retrain — retrain yourself. Will learn.

Magic technique «Sweep»

It is specially designed to interrupt automatic actions. «Sweep» allows you to reprogram our brains when they operate on the principle of see-do, here-see-eat.

The husband, while on a business trip in Australia, decided to send his wife a gift — an exotic parrot that speaks seven languages. Paid crazy money, sent. After a while, the wife calls:

— Thanks! Parrot received — very tasty.

— Oh my God! He spoke seven languages!

— It seemed to me that he wanted to tell me something when I plucked him …

By the way, the same strategy is often used when smoking or when biting nails or fountain pens, impulsively reacting to unwashed dishes, etc. In all these cases, the Sweep technique works great.

What do we know? There is some conditional reference point, starting from which the internal «autopilot» is launched. Now our actions are not controlled by consciousness — they are automatic. The hand itself reaches for the next portion of the delicacy and brings it to the mouth, the jaws chew, the throat swallows … And the consciousness at this time is busy. He has his own business. Table talk, for example.

The classic version of the swing consists in establishing a rigid unidirectional connection between the picture (external or internal), visible before the start of automatic action, and the picture that reflects our ideas about the desired direction of development. We want the very fact of the appearance of the first — starting — picture to lead to the appearance in our mind’s eye of the second — the desired one.

Starting image. How it’s done? It all starts with choosing the point of intervention. If we imagine all the images passing in front of us in the form of a film, then we just need to choose a frame, starting from which we will carefully cut the film and paste our plot development.

It is important, therefore, to choose the point of intervention in order, on the one hand, to interrupt the process in time, on the other hand, to capture as many typical situations as possible.

A young man buys an engagement ring:

“Please engrave Henry’s Clara.”

Elder Jeweler:

— I would advise you to write shorter: «From Henry.» Is it a little…

For example, by choosing the look of the table laid in your kitchen as a starting image, we no longer influence situations when you eat outside your own home. It is also clear that, taking an empty plate as the starting view, we are also unlikely to significantly affect the situation.

Let’s think.

Personally, I like two types of images. The first is the sight of one’s own hand bringing a delicacy to the mouth. And what? And on time, and quite generalized! Your hand is everywhere with you: at home, at a party, and on the street. True, sometimes you have to do the technique twice: for the right and for the left hand.

The second type of starting images are motivating internal pictures. But first you need to at least understand them. Ask yourself the question: “How do I understand that I want to eat this?” If, in addition to other answers (verbal, for example), a seductive kind of delicacy appears before the inner eye, you can start working with it.

It happens that the starting image turns out to be a view from the series “I feel bad”, which for some means “I need to eat”. Also a good choice. When you apply the technique, the thought of food simply does not have time to appear in the brain: thoughts will immediately flow in the right direction.

So, the starting image should:

• ensure timely intervention in the automatic process;
• be as general as possible.

What are the requirements for the starting image? It is highly desirable that it contains not only visual information, but also sounds and sensations. Internal, for the most part. Now the starting image is already realistic enough to «hook». By the way, you can check: if the mere presentation of this image makes you want to eat, we have chosen what we need.

desired image. The world does not like voids, and if we take something out of it, we must fill the resulting gap. Otherwise, they will do it for us, or they simply won’t let us confiscate it. We can’t just «not eat cake», we’ll have to choose what we’ll do instead. For example, eat pies. Or watch TV, or do gymnastics. Or sit with your mouth twisted, instilling in yourself a complete disgust for food. In short, you have already understood that it is better to make such a decision consciously. And in advance — right now.

To do this, you need to construct the desired image. It is also called the image of perfection, the desired I-image, the image of the desired result, etc. For the technique to be successful, you need to visualize as clearly as possible the self for which overeating has long been a problem. Maybe she’s really slim now. She quite naturally chooses only the food she wants to eat at the moment. She easily stops when she realizes that she has eaten enough. She is…

But all this is not the main thing.

The main thing is that she can do all this, because she has become a completely different person. She changed as a person, and this allowed her to forget about all those problems that once made her eat so much. We will still analyze those motives that encourage the «average gluttons» to fill their belly. And now it is important for us to understand that it was she who dealt with them a long time ago. Therefore, we will be equal to it.

But how to understand the image of what kind of person we will create? Who will we make of you? Very simple. At first, we simply mentally replace one action with another. What you used to do, to what seems to you a more effective choice.

I once replaced eating cookies with a few sips of water. Works great! Especially when you consider the fact that the real intention behind my desire to eat cookies was an unconscious desire to take a couple of minutes off work. Get distracted. So I’m distracted now — on a hike for a couple of sips of water. Good: both the kidneys are washed, and the stomach is not clogged with “any nonsense”. And, most importantly, the original intention is realized.

So, we replace one behavior with another by asking ourselves the question “Why?” about initial behavior. The new variant must satisfy the same intent.

One could stop there, but the possibilities of technology are much richer. Therefore, we will go further and to the already found answer to the question “Why?” Let’s ask the same question again. Once again. And further. Sooner or later we will reach a fairly high level of change.

I eat pistachios. What for? To please yourself. What for? To calm down. What for? To feel good. What for? To enjoy life. What for? To be an interesting person. Interesting. This can already be called the image of perfection.

Agree: the goal of “becoming an interesting person” is significantly different from any other way to please yourself. This is an evolutionary change. And most importantly, having reached this goal, you automatically get all the previous ones. Your whole life is pleasure. You just made her like this! And pistachios … this is such a trifle!

Remember: in choosing the image we want, we are choosing an internal program of change that will operate as seamlessly and unconsciously as the previous automatic behavior. The same rigid pattern. It is far from always appropriate to simply replace one habitual action with another.

Even in my example, when I replaced cookies with water, I retained the ability to vary my actions. And this is due to the fact that I carried out internal changes at a higher level — I taught myself to rest on time. And it gave me more freedom. The freedom to choose a specific way to implement the original intention.

Modeling a figure. It is worth paying attention to another important aspect related to the self-image. This image is a direct command to the unconscious how you want to see yourself. What waist? With what breast? With what hips, booty? Our body is very plastic. Most body cells are replaced approximately every six months. And this process can be influenced by the power of thought.

Bodybuilders build muscle mass by intensifying athletic exercises through autosuggestion. There are cases when women changed the size and shape of their breasts, simply by regularly presenting the desired parameters. The internal image of oneself affects not only behavior and self-esteem, but also the physical structure of the body. Sometime directly, sometime — through the creation of motivation for the right way of life.

The first requirement for the image of the desired result. We have already almost taken it apart: the desired image should reflect your new qualities, and not your new behavior. This picture reflects the abilities, not their specific implementation.

I think it will be easy for you to remember people whose appearance immediately makes it clear that they have all the qualities you need. By their appearance, by the way they move, by their facial expressions … For example, it is not at all necessary to see this person in a communication situation in order to approximately understand how he will communicate.

Quite often we notice that something in a person has changed. But what? It is these smallest details that we will begin to look for in that beauty, with whom all the changes you need have already taken place.

I remember that at one of the consultations, the topic of the habit of biting nails surfaced. We decided to work with the help of «Swipe». So, when the client created the desired image, we began to analyze how it differs from her usual image of herself. It turned out that she presented not only beautiful nails, but also a regal posture, feminine clothes and a confident expression on her face. This speaks to the deeper changes that she decided to make with herself. Although initially she wanted to stop biting her nails.

We choose a fairly global goal — to change our own abilities, values, or even self-perception. And the desired image should reflect the «programmed» qualities.

By the way, sometimes it is useful to choose the image of youth as an image of perfection — memories of how you were when you liked yourself the most. They say you can really look younger. True, I did not check: he is still young.

And before proceeding to the analysis of the second requirement, I will remind you once again of the first: the desired image should reflect your new qualities, and not your new behavior.

The second requirement is to the image of the desired result. The target image should be to your liking. That is, it must be exactly what you want. It should draw you in, grab your attention. You should want to become it, to become more perfect.

I think you do not need to explain why this is necessary. By itself, the initial behavior is quite attractive. At least you taste good. You will not refuse an attractive image in favor of a disgusting, albeit expedient! No. Give your brain a better alternative. To «drooling»! Only then will he agree to it.

The vice president of the company conducts an educational conversation with a talented drunk employee:

“If you didn’t drink, I would have appointed you the head of the department a long time ago!”

— What for? When I drink, I imagine myself as the president himself.

How is the attractiveness of the image increased? First, purely content. What happens inside the image should arouse good white envy in you — the desire to become the same. If the girl from the picture causes more bewilderment (“Why did she refuse such a treat?”) Or even pity, then we didn’t plan something.

Secondly, it is useful to additionally work with submodal characteristics — change them to those that will make the image of perfection more impressive. For example, increase the size, move closer, add a golden halo, light up brighter … Here everything is already determined by your personal submodal preferences. Experiment, look for your options. This work will pay off.

So, the target image should be to your liking.

The third requirement for the image of the desired result. Creating the desired image, you must see yourself from the outside. In other words, the image of the desired outcome must be dissociated.

Along with numerous visual submodalities that can be changed smoothly, there are also those that work on the principle of a switch: either — or. For example, a picture either has a frame or it doesn’t. There is no third.

«Mommy, you understand … In general, I’m a little pregnant.»

Association/dissociation is a submodal switch type distinction. Either you are associated with the experience or you are dissociated from it. You are dissociated if you can see yourself from the outside. You are associated if you see from your own point of view, «from the eyes.»

Involuntarily, computer toys such as racing come to mind. You can choose the view from the cockpit — associated. Or you can see your car from the side — dissociated.

Why such names? An association is a connection. Dissociation is the breaking of a bond. In associated experiences, you have access to your own inner feelings. Dissociated — no. You seem to be detached from the experience. Now you are watching and listening from the outside. And from sensations — spared.

Why should the desired image be dissociated? There are two reasons for this. The first is informational. If you are associated, you don’t see what to aim for. If you look at yourself from the outside, you have complete visual information about yourself, desired.

But in order to feel the changes from the inside, you also need to be temporarily associated with the created picture when checking the second criterion. Once again, make sure that this goal is pleasant to strive for, and, having achieved it, you will feel good — useful. Yes, and the unconscious will know what you want, not only at the level of an attractive image, but also at the level of the body.

Did you feel? Convinced that your goal is worthy of you? Then dissociate! After all, there is a second reason for this — motivational. To strive for something, one must be separated from it. Dissociated.

One poet was asked why he did not marry the one to whom he dedicated so many tender poems.

Where will I get inspiration for poetry then?

The associated «living» of future successes in your imagination is a wonderful thing! It’s called dreams. But how many people among dreamers have you seen who really achieve something? Me not. They do not need it, they get everything, «on the spot». Immediately, directly, instantly. But — in the imagination.

And this, by the way, «is not bad.» Everyone knows that some of the desires are by no means socially acceptable. And want! I will say more: many dreams lose all their appeal, one has only to put them into practice. «It didn’t turn out as good as I thought.» So, the desire is there. The energy for its implementation has been allocated. But you can’t! And want! It is forbidden!!!

What happens then? As psychoanalysts say, unfulfilled desires are forced out into the unconscious, where they begin to live their own lives. And ruin our lives. So, for example, the desire to take revenge on a loved one for the offense caused to them will not pass through conscious control — it will be forced out into the unconscious. And it will come out of there in the form of constant jokes, nit-picking, raids with or without reason, being late for meetings, depreciating good deeds … The list is mighty! And for the consciousness — everything is fine: «For a long time I forgave him, the goat!»

A good way to «let off steam», you will not say anything. But there is a better way! And you already guessed which one! Dreams. Having dreamed well the process of realizing a forbidden desire, you give your body all the experiences it needs. Surrogate, of course. But it’s better than pushing out. Moreover, you can do it with high quality, to the fullest!

Likewise, in my workshops on how to deal with strong negative emotions, I recommend that participants use «controlled skidding.» Do not fight with emotion, but, on the contrary, express it. Live to the end. And having lived, people are freed. And from anger, and from fear, and from resentment, and from a thirst for revenge …

Why does it really work? Because the body lives with experiences. Feelings. And he doesn’t care if it actually happened or in his imagination. Adrenaline from an imaginary tiger is no worse than adrenaline from a real one. The physiological response is the same. Therefore, by the way, films of the emotional genre are so popular, as well as adventure, action films, horror films … There are emotions. Enough to associate with the characters. And the director and cameraman will take care of that. Their work is like this.

Therefore, after all the necessary sensations are received, the information enters the brain: “The desire is fulfilled, you can move on to other things.” And if you make the desired image associated, there will be no desire for it. Why bother if we already have everything?!

So, the desired image must be dissociated.

The fourth requirement for the image of the desired result the simplest: the background should be blurry. What for? First, to concentrate all your attention on yourself, your beloved. But this is not the main thing: the main thing is contained in the “second”. Because, secondly, we want to get changes in you regardless of the context.

On the one hand, this is a requirement for the generalization of situations: you don’t want all the changes to relate exclusively to your favorite cuisine, and even when there are quite specific dishes on the table!

On the other hand, I am not going to help you in programming yourself so that every time you decide to taste the desired treat, you would like to be in some kind of strictly defined environment. Candles, twilight, roses, soft music… We don’t want to associate changes with external circumstances: this is the path to robotization. Reluctance. Therefore, the background on the desired image should be blurry.

To summarize. So, we got four requirements for the image of the desired result:

• It should reflect your new qualities, and not just a new behavior. On the desired image, personal changes have occurred with you, and this is expressed in the smallest external manifestations.
• The desired image should look motivating “outside” and comfortable “inside”. When dissociated, it causes a desire to associate — to get inside. With association — the desire to stay.
• In the desired image, you must see yourself from the outside — be dissociated.
• The target image should have a blurred background.

The lawyer sends a telegram to the client: “Your mother-in-law passed away last night. What to order: funeral, embalming or cremation?

Customer: “Order everything! I don’t want to risk it.»

How does the swing work? The mechanism of the swing is as simple as it is ingenious. So brilliant that I doubt that someone invented it — it was open. Discovered by studying the structure of the subjective experience of someone who easily reprogrammed himself from one habit to another. Such «entertainment» was popular at one time. As a result, Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) was born. First practice, then theory. And practice again.

When we swing, we simultaneously weaken one image and strengthen another. A bit like switching arrows on the railroad tracks. One path disappeared, another appeared. Now the train will go on a new track, whether the driver wants it or not. All this has a rather abstruse explanation from the point of view of the theory of self-organization, but we will explain everything in a simpler way: carrot and stick. Simultaneously.

How exactly do we weaken and strengthen the influence of images on us? Of course, with the help of submodalities. When we made the desired image more attractive, we already found those submodalities that increase your attraction to it, right?

If not, then we experiment again. We take two images. One is attractive, the other not so much. We find the maximum number of submodal differences between them. One is closer, the other is farther. One is brighter, the other is darker. More/less, to the left/to the right, above/below… The saturation of colors, the predominance of a particular color, contrast, volume… And so on.

Once you find different submodalities, try changing them one by one. In turn! One at a time! Please note that changing some submodalities leads to a consistent change in all others. They are called critical submodalities. Let’s remember them. Let’s also remember those, the change of which most strongly affects your attitude to the picture.

Now it’s time to choose two submodalities with which we will swing. It is better to have a critical one among them. Personally, I will describe the technique for size and brightness: they work great for most people. Why two? Well, you can, of course, and more … Only more difficult. The second submodality is a kind of fuse, a guarantee that the technique will work.

Sequence of actions during a wave. We take the starting image. We place on it a greatly reduced and darkened image of the desired result. We begin to simultaneously reduce and darken the starting image, increasing and illuminating the target one. Starting from a certain moment, the image of the goal completely obscures the starting image and occupies a “programmed” place corresponding to the greatest attractiveness. After that, we clear the field of view by opening our eyes, for example, if they were closed.

The previous paragraph is very important — re-read it a couple more times!

In this case, one more action is performed: just as we were associated in the starting image, we directly perceived everything that our senses told us, and after the wave, we find ourselves face to face with the dissociated desired image. There is a switch from association to dissociation.

It is very important to learn how to work with submodalities in order to make simultaneous changes. Moreover, we must gradually increase the speed of the process so that it really becomes a wave. As Richard Bandler says, the brain cannot change slowly. But it can change instantly. Which is what we do.

Another important point is the unidirectionality of the process. Changing submodalities «back and forth» is a good chance to cause quite a lot of confusion. Vanity. Therefore, they made a wave — they erased the pictures. We restored the triggering frame — we repeat the swing a little faster. We clear the screen. And so on until the mere appearance of a triggering image leads to an instantaneous submodal change and the appearance of a motivating desired image in front of us. Swing! And in English swish — with a whistle!

We check the results. So the move is done. First check: we try to call the start image. If the swing is made qualitatively, it will not work to call the starting image: the image of the target will immediately appear. This would mean that the brain has already been reprogrammed. Now your thoughts will automatically change the direction you have chosen.

The second test is behavioral. We try to bring to the mouth the same delicacy that was previously eaten “by itself”. If the swing is done qualitatively, the hand itself will stop halfway. Now you have the opportunity to decide whether to continue the movement of the hand or not. Automatism is gone — awareness has come.

Note! Swishing in no way deprives you of the opportunity to eat what you want. It just gives you back a choice. As the nelpers say, NLP is not surgery: we don’t cut anything. But NLP provides an extra reason to think about the consequences of your decisions.

Moreover, by regaining awareness of our actions, we regain the ability to enjoy every tinge of taste. We are regaining what automatism has taken from us. I do not argue that table conversation is a separate and very special pleasure, but to deprive yourself of the joy of taste …

The interesting thing is that, having started to really enjoy the dish, we reduce the amount of food eaten. As they say, a yogi will get as much benefit from a piece of bread as an English lord from a whole steak. It’s the same with smoking: one tastefully smoked cigarette replaces several hastily smoked ones.

Initial check done. But the main test is the test of life. True, life no longer tests technique, but your readiness for change. The NLP technique is just a technique. It helps us to follow our own decisions, but it is up to us to work.

And if, instead of rejoicing at your achievements, you test them for strength over and over again: for example, checking whether you can eat that very delicacy even when you don’t feel like it at all, you run the risk of making sure that waving and coding is different things, and re-acquire the same habit.

The man decided to stop drinking. And quit. And literally five minutes later I decided to test my willpower: “Will I be able not to buy vodka or not?” Listened to feelings. “I can! Class!!! And if I buy, can I not open it? I need to check … ”I went to the store and bought it. “I can! This is strength!!! Interestingly, if I open it, I won’t be able to smell it? I opened it, listened to the sensations … “I could !!! Pour, right? This will be the test! Real! Poured. «I can’t drink! And I don’t even want to… I did it!! I threw!!! But if you already poured it, don’t pour it out …

I drank it.

Sitting: “This is what I understand — willpower! I didn’t want to, but I drank!”

True, there is one more detail in this anecdote — the consequences of formulations through denials. But it all started with a desire to check …

Practical conclusion? The technique is checked immediately after its execution. And only after the execution. There is an effect — hurray! We use. If the impact turned out to be insufficient, we strengthen it. That is, we improve the image of the target, select submodalities that are more suitable for you, speed up the swing …

And most importantly: if you left the road, this does not mean that you will not be able to return to it. If you stumble, this is just an excuse to get up and move on. There are no breakdowns. You have the right to eat your fill sometimes! And then return to the chosen diet. Just do not forget to find and work out the secondary benefit that you “stumbled over”. How to do this, read on.

The impact of the swing on life can manifest itself in the most intricate ways. You may just find yourself eating noticeably less. Perhaps the quantity of food will remain the same, but its quality will change. But, most likely, there will be changes in your character. You will become a little different.

And this woman will have the waist that you ordered for yourself. Right now you are on your way to your own perfection. And do not forget to periodically use scales and a centimeter so as not to miss your own joy.

Environmental verification

Life check. If you make a swing as described above, the results of the technique may not pass the test of life. Because that description lacks one important step — an environmental test. And this check should be done before the changes — at the stage of formation of the desired result. Simple requirement. Because, once a new strategy has already been built into the brain, it will be much more difficult to change anything.

An environmental test is a test of the relevance of a claimed outcome to your life. How will what you ask affect you? How will this change your behavior? What changes will it bring to your life? Do all of them suit you? What will happen in your relationship with your loved ones?

You and I have already passed the primary environmental audit when we figured out who benefits from this goal. Another test is whether you are willing to pay to achieve this goal. How? And why?

And to make it easier for you to think about these questions, I will start to scare you, giving all sorts of ugly examples.

Well, for example, you can diligently lose weight and, having received the desired result in kilograms and centimeters, find out that your lover prefers chubby ones. «Men are not dogs — they don’t throw themselves at bones.»

It happens that in pursuit of newfangled diets, hostesses put their household members on the same starvation ration. And this causes a wave of “gratitude”. Or, on the contrary, they cook for themselves and for them. Doubling your already hard kitchen work. Yes, and envy gnaws …

Some manage to refuse food for weeks, and then «compensate». Or ditch the buns… in favor of cheeseburgers. Refuse sweets and drink wine … «From the fire, but into the frying pan.»

It happens that, trying to avoid unnecessary temptations, people refuse any feasts. And they begin to see their friends less often.

And so on.

Examples, as you already understood, you can give a lot. But why? And so it is already clear that an inaccurately formulated result may not “integrate” into life. Or to build in an unecologically friendly way – with a lot of “bad” consequences. And then the best choice that we can unconsciously make is to «return everything as it was.»

A man stands with a goldfish in his hand and tries to understand what is happening to him. Gold fish:

— Well, let’s make your last wish!

— What was the previous one?

— To keep everything the same. So you figured out what your third wish is? I’m in a hurry!

“I want all the women in the world to fall in love with me!”

— Good. By the way, exactly the same was your first wish…

This is how you fail the test of life. If you do not first check the environment, of course. But we repeat: if the result is formulated in a non-ecological way, it is better not to achieve it at all. Explain in more detail?

What do nelpers mean by ecology? Representatives of the noble profession of ecologists have practically nothing to do with it. We will not now deal with the global problems of mankind. We have enough of our own. Yes, and ecologists themselves understand their profession not quite the way it is rooted in the mass consciousness: “Ecology is concern for the integrity of the relationship between the being and the environment. Dynamic balance of elements in the system”.

The idea of ​​environmental friendliness of the declared result is so important that we will not be too lazy to consider it from several points of view. That is, we will come to the same conclusions from different sides — we will go the way several times. “Repetition is his mother, learning! Sa-a-am came up with it! (Mirzakarim Norbekov.)

The first way to describe ecology. We and the world. Or we and what is around us. It’s no secret that we constantly interact with the world around us — we have a mutual influence. For better or worse, we have already established some kind of dynamic equilibrium. And it suited both us and those around us.

We form a single system with the world around us. And systems theory says: a change in one element of the system leads to a change in the entire system as a whole. What happens when we start to change? The balance is broken! And the perturbing factor is us. And this, quite naturally, causes indignation. And the desire of the system to return everything “to normal”.

What is a green outcome in terms of the system we and the world? It is a change in us that brings this whole system into a new state of balance that will suit everyone. And that includes you, of course. Because if (God forbid) you manage to bring the system to a new stable position that does not suit you, it will be difficult to get out.

In the bookstore:

Do you have the book How to Become a Millionaire in a Week?

— There is. Only together with her I advise you to buy the «Criminal Code».

Ecology is a balanced consideration of the opinions of each of the interested parties. Interests are sometimes so closely intertwined that a truly diplomatic skill is required for everyone to be satisfied with the reforms.

Try to shift the time of one of the electric trains. How much will have to be coordinated throughout the country? How many different people will be affected? What forces will be thrown into «patching holes» in the schedules? But when all opinions are taken into account — act on health!

The second way to describe ecology is based on the interaction of parts of your personality, on the balance and efficient operation of your internal system. There is an opinion that all our internal processes can be described as the interaction of various parts of the personality — subpersonalities.

These same subpersonalities are assigned the properties of full-fledged individuals with one addition: they all work for your benefit. This is the meaning of their existence. Every part of the personality has a purpose. One of these parts is responsible for ensuring that you are always full, another provides you with oxygen, the third takes care of your self-esteem, the fourth builds competent relationships with others, etc.

Each part is busy with some important work. And while doing their job, parts of the personality can interfere with each other. As are people. The simplest example: the part responsible for entertainment and the part that provides «daily bread» have a great field for conflict. Especially if they are fighting for the same time. And if the part that cares about timely rest also enters into this dispute …

And again, good or bad, but all our parts of the personality have already come to some compromise in one way or another. And we interfere with our interference. Well … we can interfere. If we don’t care about the environment.

What happens in our head from the point of view of the model of subpersonalities when we set ourselves the goal of building up? A new part of the personality appears, striving for this goal. Great? Great. Only now it quite naturally begins to «get under the feet» of other parts of the personality — «old-timers». Who is more likely to win this fight? They have. And the just delivered non-environmentally friendly result loses all chances for implementation. And if the new part wins? Expect problems with other parts, which she already «steps on the throat.»

— Listen, how did your wife manage to lose weight so quickly?

She has all her calories counted. 40 tick-tock tablets for breakfast, 70 for lunch and 30 for dinner. But the weight is almost constant, the breath is fresh. Indeed, weak…

Scary? Yeah. Don’t be scared. Just try to take into account the opinions of all aspects of your personality when making your next wish. Below I will try to give a list of issues that are useful to think about in order to take into account the views of all interested parties.

One more moment. Each part of the personality uses its own means to achieve its own end. Therefore, it is possible that you have a part that uses excess weight to achieve one of its driven goals. For example, safety concerns. Well, she vtemyashilsya that losing weight is dangerous. Or something else. It is useless to look for logic here: most of these illogicalities “come from childhood”, when we had no time for logic.

What can be done about it? As always: find out the intent of the part responsible for being overweight and help it find new ways to realize that intent.

How it’s done? Through your own internal dialogue. Ask yourself the question: “The part responsible for excess weight, what are you doing for me, maintaining my excess weight?” The answer will come! In the form of an image, sound or sensation. And we just have to formulate it in words.

This answer is unlikely to leave you indifferent — thank your part for taking care of you. After that, we turn on the fantasy and offer our part as many alternative options as possible to achieve the same goal. Maybe he will accept which one … It is better, of course, that there be at least three accepted options. Further in the book there will be a rationale for this figure, but for now … Take it on faith. Or do not accept — check for yourself.

Once the new options have been found and are acceptable to your part, all that remains is to make sure that she is willing to take responsibility for their use instead of maintaining excess weight. So we ask ourselves: “The part responsible for excess weight, are you willing to take responsibility for the use of alternative behaviors you have chosen?” She will agree: she herself chose.

So, in order to avoid the occurrence of internal conflicts, when formulating the desired result, it is useful to take into account the opinions of other aspects of your personality. And sometimes you will have to clear the way for your new part — to find new options for the one that uses interfering behavior to achieve its goals.

The third way to describe ecology. Time estimate. It is possible to give a very simple definition of the environmental friendliness of the set result. The result is formulated ecologically if you are satisfied with all its consequences after any period of time. Simply put, you can do whatever you want, as long as your actions give you pleasure. And not only right now, but also in the future.

Take, for example, the addiction to wine. Drink — delicious. After a while, intoxication comes — also, probably, pleasant. Feelings the next day already depend on the quantity and quality taken the day before. In a month… In a year… In ten years… In fifty… Is everything okay? Then go ahead!

The same is true for any other action. And illegal too. Long-term results suit you — you can do it. This is your decision and your responsibility. The only condition is to make sure that you clearly understand all the consequences of your actions and the effects of your goals.

In general, a well-set goal gives you pleasure both after and in the process of achieving it. It is always pleasant to work for an environmentally friendly goal, because all intermediate goals are also set environmentally friendly. And this is one of the principles of NLP, one of the requirements for the quality of a nelper’s work.

The fourth way of describing ecology is based on the idea of ​​resource conservation. It is very important to make sure that the goal retains all the advantages of the current position. In other words, do you have anything to lose by reaching your goal?

For example, you managed to get a high-paying job. And what about time now? What are your relationships with family, friends and family now? How much is a minute of your rest worth now? What about the prospects for further growth?

Are you losing anything in the process of reaching your goal? We set ourselves the task of becoming the best in the chosen path, and after several years of hard work, we suddenly discovered that you have a lot of admirers, but no friends or family at all. Someone seemed too primitive to you, there wasn’t enough time for someone, someone didn’t get spiritual warmth …

Will you be able to keep all the advantages of the current position? If not, do you agree to such an exchange? In fact, this is not such a formal question. After him, many begin to slightly moderate their ardor. At least adjust the desired result.

In the clinic:

— What are you complaining about?

— I can’t hear well.

— Do you smoke?

— I smoke.

– Are you drinking?

— I drink, it happens.

— Women?

— Well…

“You have to give it all up.

Is it to hear better? Never!

Ecology is about building one without destroying the other. How, enjoying the «paradise in the hut», slowly build a solid house. And this thought brings us to another concept of NLP — secondary benefits.

secondary benefits. Have you ever wondered why bad habits are so persistent? Precisely because people have learned to use them in a completely unique way. Behavior that originally had a positive intention, «overgrown» with additional benefits. And the nelper gave them the appropriate name — «secondary benefits.»

Let’s practice identifying secondary benefits to assess the significance of their contribution to maintaining habits.

The most studied issue in this regard is smoking. In no particular order of enumeration, we can say that a cigarette often helps to calm down and cheer up, relax and collect. Take a break from work, start it, dull or work up an appetite, strike up or end a conversation, including with the boss in the smoking room.

With the help of a cigarette, you can demonstrate the sophistication of manners or, conversely, coolness. School-age children often use it to emphasize their adulthood and importance. It is easier to make new interesting acquaintances with her, to adapt in a new team. Keep warm in winter and repel mosquitoes in summer. Take your time and take your hands. Pull the time…

It’s like a magic wand! Now imagine how those who try to quit this sweet pastime in traditional ways feel. Not only do they (not always voluntarily) deprive themselves of traditional pleasure, they also find themselves in the position of inept children.

The old man threw a seine into the sea …

And he sits like a fool, without a net.

How to wake up and cheer up now? How to calm the nerves? How do you explain an unplanned break from work to your boss? Where now to communicate with colleagues? How to start a conversation with the person you like? How to dull hunger? How do you show others that you need to be alone? A separate question: where to put the habits worked out over the years?

Therefore, like it or not, and if there is a desire to seriously change your behavior, take into account all the secondary benefits that it has managed to “acquire”. The funny thing is that once all the secondary benefits are taken into account, real miracles begin to happen:

The child comes home with a big bump on his forehead.

— What happened to you?

— Fell.

Did you cry a lot?

— No, there was no one there.

Indeed, why cry when there is no one to pity anyway?

Developing Secondary Benefits in the Sweep Technique is done very simply. It can be said elementarily: we are simply “finishing” the image of the desired result.

In principle, most of the ecological verification was done automatically at the moment when we introduced the requirement that the image of the desired result should reflect new qualities, and not new behavior. And the first years of technology was used in this way: without working out secondary benefits. Time has shown that this step is still needed.

I’ll say more. More than 90 percent of the time in any NLP technique is devoted to information gathering, goal setting, and environmental testing. The intervention itself, together with explanations and training, takes 10 percent. Or less.

A wave, for example, is done in five minutes. And if you have solid experience, then ten seconds. So, instead of drawing a cross on my hand as a reminder, I prefer to do a «mini-swipe.» Need to call before leaving? Wave: door — phone. So faster, more convenient and better. You don’t even have to think: the body itself will do everything.

The swing itself is done instantly. But it may take three hours to complete the Sweep technique. It all depends on the seriousness of intentions and the global nature of the programmed results.

Scheme of work with secondary benefits. First, they need to be identified. How it’s done? We ask ourselves questions. First «on the forehead»:

• Why am I overeating?
• What does it give me?
• How do I use Overeating?

Several answers will come at once. Let’s write it down or remember it. You can ask smarter questions:

• What happens after I eat?
• What precedes my desire to eat exactly this?
• In what situations does this happen?
• Why this delicacy?
• What happens if I don’t eat this?

Very interesting answers! Listen to them, and the secondary benefits will instantly become clear. In extreme cases, there is such a trick: imagine that your friend overeats. What does it give her? Remember the mote in another and the beam in your own eye?

You can also just try on a list of secondary benefits when overeating:

• please yourself;
• reward yourself for something;
• calm down, pity yourself;
• take time;
• chat at the table
• show gratitude to the hostess;
• save on food
• show everyone that you have enough money (and generosity) for any treat;
• prove to yourself that you have the right to eat whatever you want, and as much as you want;
• take hands;
• replace another habit, such as smoking; etc.

Good. Secondary benefits identified. What to do next? You need to make sure that the girl with the desired image has more than three alternative options for obtaining the same benefit. How it’s done? It’s enough just to see how she will do it. She’s perfection! She solved all these problems a long time ago. You just have to «spy» on her in appropriate situations.

Remember your childhood — turn on your fantasy. Our fantasies can live their own lives, so watch it. But! Make sure your Miss Perfect has three or more behaviors for each secondary benefit, and that those behaviors are just as accessible as the original behavior. Agree, eating a chocolate bar to calm down is often easier than doing an auto-training complex. And better than taking a pill. Looking for more…

Thus, there are four main requirements for alternative options:

• diversity, providing an opportunity to choose;
• availability, ensuring that these alternatives are realistically feasible;
• expediency, so that they actually realize the secondary benefit;
• environmental friendliness, so as not to harm even more.

As you can see, quite reasonable requirements. And if you can find the right number of alternatives for each secondary benefit and see how you use them, then you can say that the secondary benefits have been worked out. And move on to the next step of the technique.

By the way. I think it will be useful for you to see all the steps of the Sweep technique, brought together. Here they are:

1. Choosing a starting image.

2. Create an image of the desired result.

3. Checking the environment: identifying and developing secondary benefits.

4. Choice of two critical submodalities to perform the swing.

5. Sweep: simultaneously strengthening the image of the desired result and weakening the starting image.

6. Multiple repetition of the stroke with constant acceleration.

7. Checking the launch image by calling.

8. Behavioral check.

9. Adjusting to the future.

An important point. After the technique is done, for some time keep track of all the cases when the old habit tries to return. This is a signal that some of the secondary benefits remained unaccounted for. Unworked. Here we work it out in the same way.