“What would I be able to do with the same passion as dancing? Embroidery, — admits Nikolai Tsiskaridze, rector of the Vaganova Academy of Russian Ballet and premiere of the Bolshoi Theater. — I could also work as a concierge. It is important for me that the work is static”
Inhuman, animal plastic, almost a Demon from Vrubel’s painting on our cover. Filming behind, we go to talk in a small dressing room. There are two regular chairs and one bar stool with high legs. Nikolay chooses it and hangs over me in the air. It’s very theatrical. And a little comical, given our already tangible difference in height.
He is in a great mood, because he finally got some sleep: “I usually climb somewhere in my sleep, but today I didn’t see anything, I slept so sweetly! The day before, there was a premiere at the Mikhailovsky Theater where I danced with my student Anzhelina Vorontsova. I have not prepared a new role for a long time, so I was worried for myself and for Angelina. And when everything went well, I was so happy! And the next day I transported my two kittens from St. Petersburg to Moscow. This is also stress. And finally, I fell asleep happily. In the morning I opened my eyes and saw sleeping kittens nearby. And I felt so good…”
Nikolai, you are a realist, a cynic, an earthly person, but at the same time you believe in miracles, in mystical things. Your mother was the same. A physicist by education, she read cards and predicted the future. How can all this be combined in one person?
Nikolai Tsiskaridze: I don’t see any contradictions here. By the way, much of what my mother predicted is still coming true. Before leaving, she talked about very important things. Including the fact that I will head one of the main schools in the world. I was twenty, I lived in Moscow and did not even think about Leningrad.
And so, when after many years I became the rector of the Academy of Russian Ballet, I thought: “Lord, my mother caught up with me”
My mother was very sick and was afraid that she might die before I came of age. When I began to grow up, she prepared me for the fact that I would be left alone. I wanted everything to be in abundance, to have a roof over my head. And it was very important for her that if I chose this strange profession in her understanding, then I would definitely become a real professional.
Could she influence it? After all, it depended primarily on your abilities, on your work and desire to become the first?
Mom gave carte blanche to my teachers. I handed the teacher a stack for horses and said: “I need a result. If necessary, you can flog him.» She herself was very tough and strict. But at the same time, I had so much love and care in the family like no one else. The teacher, of course, did not flog me, but I received nuts regularly.
However, neither blows nor screams humiliated or offended me. It’s just that in my paradigm there was no doubt that this was done for my good. Now, as a teacher, I observe mostly broken, unloved, under-kissed children in the family. Yelling at them is prohibited. They need to say: «You are the best, I love you.»
Sounds like you didn’t have self-esteem issues?
There were monstrous doubts and worries about appearance. And there are still. I consider myself one of the ugliest people on earth. You see, for me everything beautiful is light. In my childish notion, a person with dark hair cannot be beautiful. I would like to be born blond and blue-eyed, but I was born …
I remember puberty with horror. It seemed to me that all peers around looked better than me.
But in the ballet hall, everything changed. There I realized that I had no equal. And I took great pleasure in acting, because I’m more interested in being someone, not myself. I’m sure any great artist is an escape from himself.
For example, I am a terrible introvert. Only the closest friends know about it. They know that it is impossible to take me out of the shell. I don’t need to communicate. I am comfortable in my home.
I am static: I need everything to be within reach so that I can lie on the couch and not move. At the same time, I love to travel, to learn something. Therefore, I always draw up a clear plan, where everything is thought out to the smallest detail. I am a very organized person. Mom joked about this topic: “I never lived with my mother-in-law, but gave birth to her.” I «built» it, being still three years old. Mom was a strong character, but mine was even stronger. It’s just steel.
You do not hide the fact that in childhood you were a victim of bullying, at school your peers treated you really cruelly. Did your personality help you endure bullying?
I was saved by the incredible amount of love that my parents and those around me gave me. Only love can protect. You have no idea how many boycotts were announced to me, and I perceived them as an additional opportunity to read.
I never complained. Mom always said: «The first whip to the scammer.» She never interfered in children’s showdowns, she believed that a child should learn to stand up for himself. That’s why I don’t understand the word bullying. In any children’s team, their relationships are built.
And you need to learn to argue, defend your opinion, negotiate, maybe sometimes fight
All this did not touch me, but completely different things worried me, for example, that I was weak. I got stronger in full force only by the age of 21. That was what upset me, and not what they talk about me. I still don’t care what other people’s opinions are. It’s just the matter that doesn’t matter. Now it is the Vaganova Academy of Russian Ballet.
If something goes wrong there, I can even lose my temper. Top of rage when I start to speak very quietly. Remember the words of the Duchess of Marlborough from Scribe’s play A Glass of Water: “My dear Montagu, if Craig’s squadron does not go to sea in three days, I will be extremely surprised. Extremely!
Can you let your emotions out?
Yes, I will bark so that it is audible at the other end of the world!
Can you do this at home too?
What for? I now have kittens Gabrielle and Gabriela. They are still children, I am raising them. I am a good parent.
You call kittens children, and also your students. Have you thought about procreation?
I call children those for whom I am responsible. The nanny said: «Not the mother that gave birth, but the one that raised.» And I love all my children. But we know what surprises sometimes comes from genetics. And relatives do not always become support at a difficult moment.
I have a friend who can afford everything. She has a full-fledged family: parents, husband, siblings, children. When she became seriously ill, I saw that, firstly, nothing warms her, and secondly, her relatives do not care what happens to her. No one, except for the maids, was going to serve her that same glass of water …
Therefore, I am not interested in talking about procreation and about the gene pool that disappears
I know so many amazing people who gave birth to a helpless generation! You look at it all and think: “Why?” I have no brothers or sisters, and I do not suffer from this.
Who are your close people?
Friends. They are always there if you need help. Two years ago, I found myself in a terrible situation — faced with a cynical lie. A student betrayed me. It made such a stunning impression on me, so shocked that I could not breathe. But my friends bathed me in love and care, and they saved me. True, I am very sorry for the time that I wasted on this nonentity. Since childhood, I have perceived time as the main value. And that’s why I didn’t want to grow up.
I know you like looking at old photographs, remembering your youth. But at the same time, you perceive that Kolya as a different person. How do you handle the changes that come with age to the body?
I’m glad those photos are there. They are like confirmation that all this happened in reality. As for external changes, I am calm. I no longer dance classical princes and I can afford to change. I can not follow the regimen, eat fried potatoes or eclairs, do not play sports.
I left the stage, closed the door and psychologically accepted these changes. I’m not going to fight for youth, to cling to it with a death grip. I don’t understand men who dye their gray hair, do braces, inject Botox. I prefer facial massage, I sleep with pleasure during it.
I understand that soon on the beach I won’t be able to undress much. I already look a little comical: the legs are still phenomenal in shape, and the top that has changed does not fit these perfect legs. Beloved friend Alena Doletskaya often scolds me for wearing tight pants.
We recently come to an event, and they compliment me: “How beautifully dressed you are, Kolya,” and she adds: “But the jeans could have been worn wider.” I turn around: “Tell me, do you know anyone with such legs? Are there any friends with legs in general? — «Not!» “And there are such legs here! And why can’t they be shown? — «Yes, I agree, you can show.» So, I’m almost half a century old, and my legs are still well preserved.
For many of your colleagues, it is unbearable to refuse performances, roles, and you left the Bolshoi without regrets. Why was this door closed?
I was tired and was looking forward to the day when I would not have to work physically. While I was dancing, I often couldn’t sleep well. When in 2003 I suffered a severe injury that could put an end to my career, for the first time in many years I had a normal sleep, without worrying about touring, for performances, mentally not dancing.
I psychologically let myself go, and I felt good. And then for the first time I realized that I had to leave the ballet
Having returned to form, I began to respond with great joy to any proposals: operetta, television, musical … But as soon as I danced the prescribed 21 seasons, I immediately ended my career.
Now you are the head of an educational institution, you have a huge team under your control. You have to answer not only for the creative part, but also for the water in the boilers, the food in the canteen, the repair of the roof… Is it harder than dancing?
This is easier. I am a very organized person. I do everything in accordance with the rules and contracts. With my ambitions and education — and I graduated from the law academy with honors — I needed to lead something. Understand, when you are the main character, it is very difficult to become a non-main character later.
What thoughts do you wake up with now?
Schedule! I open my eyes and try to understand what city I’m in. I live between Moscow and St. Petersburg. Depending on where I woke up, I think where to run. I can’t do without a watch, and when I danced I didn’t wear it. The alarm clock rang, and then I knew everything to the second. Until the age of 30, I generally didn’t go to bed after 23:00, didn’t go to clubs, didn’t drink alcohol. True, you need to consider that I am Georgian. I have had a glass of wine since childhood.
The world is changing rapidly now. For the 40+ generation, this is painful, we are not used to a reality in which everything is transparent, our every step can be tracked. How do you live in such a world?
There’s nothing to be done here. But in 2013 it saved me. Then there was a loud story with an attack on my colleague. They tried to “fasten” me to this, but the truth became known already on the second day after the start of the investigation. When I was interrogated by a high-ranking official in the Investigative Committee, I saw the speed with which the materials were placed on his desk, and I realized that everyone knows about everyone. And this is inevitable.
What can scare you?
Nothing but sickness. Even death. And the rituals that people have come up with to say goodbye to the departed, I generally find it funny. There is a wonderful novel by Faulkner «When I was dying.» I read it when my mother was still alive, then I forgot about it, but I remembered it when I watched the play by Mindaugas Karbauskis based on this work. And I laughed from beginning to end, it seemed that everything was about me.
True, my mother’s funeral did not last for ten days, as in the book, but for a month.
I was then finished off by the fact that on the day of the final farewell, when my mother had to be carried to the cemetery, the last episode of “Just Mary” began on TV. And before that, for a year I heard my mother’s lamentations: «I will die without knowing how it all ended.» And I began to laugh. Mom, as always, was right …
You know, I can laugh at any time and over anything. There is no uncomfortable place, time or circumstance. But most of the time I laugh at myself.
Over what exactly? In what way are you, Nikolai Tsiskaridze, People’s Artist of the Russian Federation, Premier of the Bolshoi Theater (this title is given to artists for life. — Approx. ed.), A person who is called great, ridiculous and ridiculous?
Tsiskaridze is indeed not the latest ballet dancer, but this has nothing to do with anything else. I also go to the toilet, brush my teeth, stand in front of the mirror, cursing everything in the world, because the shooting is scheduled and therefore I need to shave. I pick up a razor, swear terribly and at the same time laugh: “It’s good that I’m not a girl! I would have to shave my legs and epilate.»
I don’t even need company to laugh. I learned to entertain myself as a child. I’m used to existing like this, I don’t need someone nearby. They ask me: “Are you not afraid of loneliness?” Not! And after the Internet appeared, what kind of loneliness is it? I can’t be alone at all. I want to, but I can’t!