On January 22, 2018, our expert, psychologist, rector of the Moscow Institute of Gestalt and Psychodrama Nifont Dolgopolov died. We recall an interview in 2010 in which we talked with him about how our weaknesses can become the main advantage on the path to change.
Psychologies: To become stronger, to feel more powerful — isn’t that what we strive for above all?
Nifont Dolgopolov: Undoubtedly. The need for this dictates our archaic consciousness: the strongest survive. Strength is the first thing that catches your eye. And only a more careful analysis shows that the strong one does not always win: often he is inferior to the one who has not so obvious and striking advantages.
It is hardly possible to name at least one human weakness, which in a certain situation would not be useful. This is what is often played out in Russian fairy tales, when, for example, several heroes meet, each with his own flaw, but when the time comes to accomplish a feat, they become necessary to each other precisely because of their peculiarity — “weakness”.
By accepting our weaknesses, where do we gain?
Accepting our weaknesses means acknowledging that we are not perfect, that we cannot function without the other, that we need each other. If we accept ourselves with all the strengths and weaknesses, then we are better in contact with people — because in this way we no longer need to hide anything from them. We stop being afraid that our shortcomings will become noticeable, we say goodbye to excessive insecurity, awkwardness, our self-esteem grows — and with it our successes.
In order to change some quality that does not suit us, we must first recognize that we have it.
To agree to be weak in something means to stop wasting energy on denying those traits that we considered shortcomings, and to start living a full life in the present, not transferring all our hopes for the future, to later. When we accept our weaknesses, we have more energy, and this becomes noticeable in our actions, deeds, decisions. We perceive everything that happens to us more fully, we live here and now, we are present in the world, allowing ourselves to take the best from it.
So changing for the better doesn’t necessarily mean getting rid of something?
In order to change some quality that does not suit us, it is first necessary to recognize that we have it. Only this allows you to move on — to get to know this trait of yours, to see it, to consider vulnerabilities … Having studied your weak side, you can try to use it. And if you begin to ruthlessly eradicate it, there is a risk that it will reappear — in another place or in another form. After all, the more we recognize our reality, our shortcomings, the more likely we are to change for the better. Conversely, the more we deny our weaknesses and fight them, the longer the road to improvement.