New Year with relatives?

A recent study by the Cambridge University Family Research Centre, in collaboration with the UK charity Stand Alone, of 800 people “estranged from their families” found that 9 out of 10 people who rarely or never stay in touch with their families for some reason for any reason, called the New Year holidays the most difficult time of the year¹.

While the study focuses on people who have been estranged from their families, its rather dramatic numbers (9 out of 10 people) probably include more than just those who have lost families. Uncomplicated, complex family relationships are familiar to many of us. Becca Bland, CEO of Stand Alone, emphasizes that families are not always as perfect as we would like: “Family is not always boundless love, mutual understanding and support.”

And with the holidays just around the corner, maybe it’s time to finish your gift shopping and take a look inside yourself? Focus on the more challenging side of the holidays? Our idealization of a family with boundless love and emotional closeness has long come to the fore in full in December. Pictures of smiling people at the New Year’s table are literally etched into our minds, and we forget that no family is like the images that Hollywood movies make us believe, or what social networks and holiday advertising try so hard to portray.

Pass the tests

• How do you give gifts?
• What holiday are you dreaming about?
• Are you good at giving gifts?

Just imagine a holiday movie about a man spending the holidays alone. Of course, it will turn into some kind of comedy like Home Alone, where the protagonist eventually realizes his loneliness away from loved ones.

This focus of the Christmas holidays on the family needs some explanation. Holidays are not only about family, they are about us and our need to stop and remember the events of the past year and think about the coming year to make our own plans or just dream a little.

If you feel like arguing about the old with your mother-in-law or your sister’s husband makes you afraid that you will have to spend time with them again, try to set aside time for a phone call to talk with problematic relatives in advance, advises Stand Alone. During the call, try to set some boundaries for communication, indicate topics that you would not like to discuss at New Year’s Eve. Knowing that you’ve prepared and done your “psychological homework” can help you enjoy the holiday.

You can also try to look at family disputes from a more positive perspective, as they are also an invaluable part of relationships in every family. We all have different opinions, beliefs and values. According to Dr. Lucy Blake, “Family disputes also have another important function—they help us grow and develop together by challenging our ingrained attitudes and arguments.”

It is also important to remember that right now you can start thinking a little more about yourself. “Some of us find it helpful to ignore the thought of what we should be doing and start doing what we really want to do,” says Lucy Blake. Why not start putting your interests first this holiday season… or at least second, to get your Christmas joy back. After all, this approach helps you feel more “free and independent,” which by definition requires a greater sense of control over your life.

Read more:

• New Year: don’t rush anywhere, don’t worry about anything
• “Dear Depression, You’ve Lost”

If you have a great relationship with your loved ones, but your family lives too far away to be with you when the clock strikes midnight, try planning ahead for a long Skype call – think about games, contests that can be held at a distance, and take the time to share photos and more thoughtful and candid stories about the past year to feel really closer.

But if you don’t want or can’t, for whatever reason, spend the holiday with your family, here are some very helpful and simple tips on what you can do:

• Remember that happy pictures on TV and on social networks are not a true reflection of reality. And although they can cause feelings of worthlessness and even envy, remember that they will disappear as quickly as they appeared.

• Organize your own holiday with neighbors or friends. If you don’t need to spend that time with someone else, a night out together can help you take full advantage of your mandatory vacation time and establish relationships you didn’t have before.
• Travel to a country where the New Year is celebrated differently to view our “perceived meaning” of the holiday from a completely different perspective.
• If you are still shivering at the very thought that you will have to exchange gifts and shine with culinary surprises in front of loved ones and relatives, just remember that the holidays are a temporary concept; they will fly by quickly, and there is a chance that in the new year you will have less stress and anxiety.

But whatever your relationship with your relatives, try to remind yourself of what you like – about your individual life choices and about the love and care that is in your life, in any form, as well as your personal boundaries. communication that you would like to establish in the New Year.

¹ standalone.org.uk