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The holidays give us the opportunity to meet our loved ones, enjoy our favorite recipes and participate in traditional home entertainment. Family gatherings often carry the risk of conflict. How to avoid them?
Psychologist Miriam Kirmeyer shares how to prepare a new partner and family for the holidays together. Spending holidays with the family, most are faced with certain stressful situations. Some relatives do not get along well with each other, others start discussions on political topics, give advice and ask questions about their personal lives.
Over the years, we have learned to deal with situations like this, but when we first invite a partner to a family holiday, everything becomes more complicated. In order for everything to go smoothly, holding your breath and thinking about the good is not enough, you need to prepare in advance.
1. Get your partner up to speed
Discuss plans in detail, tell where you will go, how you need to dress, who will be present, how these people are related to each other, who in your family gets along with each other and who does not.
Don’t forget to share your family’s holiday traditions, such as taking turns sharing memories of the year’s highlights or reading aloud. Explain to him the meaning of traditions and their significance to you. If he understands what all this is for, he will be able to fit in more organically.
2. Discuss possible conversation topics
It is better to avoid talking about religion and politics. However, each family has its own characteristics. A conversation that seems innocuous in one circle can be scandalous in another.
Before the trip, go through the list of dangerous topics that should not be brought up at dinner, and tell your partner how to behave if such topics arise.
Think in advance how to move the conversation in a safe direction. Most people like to talk about themselves, so questions about hobbies, recent trips, and childhood memories can come in handy.
3. Do not cheat yourself and your partner
When we are nervous, we tend to emphasize and exaggerate potential difficulties. In the depths of our hearts, we hope that such preparation will help the partner to go through the experience more easily. However, this tactic often works against us.
Of course, we know that relatives can do something that will spoil the holiday, but do not set your partner up for this ahead of time, perhaps he would simply not notice something. It is better to warn him only about the most likely problems and conflicts. Remember to keep a balance and talk about the good things too.
4. Prepare the family
Sometimes we get hung up on preparing a partner and forget about the family. Talk to relatives in advance to prevent misunderstandings and conflicts. Tell us about your partner’s background, life and interests. Relatives will be able to use this information to start a conversation. Clarify the status of your relationship, this will help to avoid awkward moments. The better you prepare your family, the less you will have to play the role of peacemaker.
5. Smooth out sharp corners
Starting to notice the growing tension? Don’t stay away. If family and partner don’t get along as well as you would like, pay attention to their common interests or move the conversation to one of the safe topics thought up in advance. If the situation has heated up to the limit, take a break.
Find a way to be alone with your partner, such as asking them to help you in another room. Sometimes a few minutes alone is enough to continue enjoying the holiday.
6. Make time for the two of you
If you know the holidays can be hectic, schedule time to rest and recharge. You know yourself and your partner better. Which holiday suits you? Some need to stay at home and do nothing, others prefer to shake things up, go to the movies or to a bar. If you plan ahead for a pleasant pastime, it will be easier for you to get through stressful situations during family holidays, you will know that something pleasant is waiting for you ahead.
7. Be realistic
Many people tend to go to extremes: we are afraid that everything will go terribly or, on the contrary, we hope for a perfect acquaintance. Most likely, it will turn out to be something in between. Unrealistic expectations put pressure on you and prevent you from enjoying the present moment. The main thing about the holidays is spending time with the people we love the most. So it’s better to relax and be glad that dear people have come together.
About the author: Miriam Kiermeyer is a psychologist.
Source: The Everygirl