The history of the introduction of the juvenile system in Russia began in 1995 with changes in the Family Code of the Russian Federation. Since then, parents’ concern about this has only increased.
The latest amendments to Part 1 of Art. 116 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation “Beating”, which entered into force on July 15, 2016, according to which parents who punish their children with a slap are equated with criminals.
“For me, the family has always been a source of love, care and protection,” says Natalya Kurnosova, mother of a one-year-old son. – I grew up in an ordinary family, was an obedient child. Sometimes, quite rarely, I got it from my mother. Yes, I was hurt. But I understood what I got for the job. And I never, never wanted my mom to be jailed for that. In addition, there are extreme situations where you need to act quickly, and not call the child to prudence. For example, any sane, adequate parent, without sadistic inclinations, will pull up his child if he runs into the roadway under a car. And at the same time, it can hurt him. On trial for this? Nobody can replace mom and dad. “
From July 15, for the “upbringing” of a child with a belt or a slap, a parent is criminally liable or punished with compulsory labor for up to 360 hours, or correctional labor for up to a year, or restraint of liberty for up to two years, or forced labor for up to two years, or arrest for up to six months, or imprisonment for up to two years.
It should be noted that this amendment was not considered separately, but as part of a package of amendments on decriminalization, and therefore was adopted. But the speaker of the Federation Council Valentina Matvienko assured that work on this provision would still be carried out and that additional adjustments would be made in the fall.
In the meantime, the law is in full force without amendments, Woman’s Day turned to lawyer Aleksanr Berezhny for comments.
“Is this a threat to parents? Undoubtedly yes, if the parents cannot, do not want to see in the child the same person as they themselves, have neither the knowledge nor the skills of the correct relationship, they act under the influence of stereotypes absorbed from childhood. And certainly not, if parents find a common language with their children, when peace, harmony, mutual understanding reign in the family, where each family member is valued as a person, where a sense of freedom for each and a sense of responsibility for the choice made in the model of their behavior is brought up. True, we are not able to influence the perception of the situation by other people. Someone said that we do not see the world as it is, but see it as we are. From this I draw the conclusion that a situation that seems to us everyday, another person, a government official, a body can perceive from the opposite perspective. The human factor intervenes here, and no one is immune from this. Unfortunately, sometimes legal mechanisms, which in themselves are designed to serve the benefit of people, are used to the detriment of those same people. In general, I support the very idea of juvenile justice, but it should work with equal efforts in all areas that fall within its competence. That is, there should be equal measures of prevention (although this direction should be a priority), and bringing to responsibility, and education, and training, and the inevitability of punishment. “
Many parents may be indignant: how, then, to influence a child if it is not always possible to stop him with a slap on the buttocks? And the word “influence” will be correct here.
“What is punishment? It is always an act of violence, a desire to show who is in charge here, – says teacher-psychologist Elena Khoteeva. – And the ways come from the parents’ own childhood experience. And punishment is always accompanied by feelings of helplessness, irritation, guilt. Definitely not getting better. “
But how can we do without them, how can we raise a disciplined child? There are more effective methods of influence.
1. Time out, or a popular kindergarten method of “sitting on a high chair”, to think about your behavior. But here it is important not to leave the child thinking under the influence of his own anger and irritation. Otherwise, it is the same act of violence. It is necessary to convey: you will sit now, think, calm down, and then come to me, and we will discuss everything. The child should know that you do not reject him and are ready to accept at any time. This method is effective for children 5-6 years old.
2. The situation of choice. For babies, dialogue and admonition will not help. But choice without choice is quite. “We are going to the store now. What kind of T-shirt would you like to wear outside? ” The choice should be realistic, such that both options are acceptable to the parent. The mistake would be: “Are you going home or are you staying here?” An equally effective way is motivation. “Let’s go home, there is a huge ripe watermelon waiting for us!”
3. Deprivation of pleasure. It is necessary to warn the child about this method of exposure in advance. “If you don’t put the toys away in five minutes, we don’t watch cartoons in the evening.” But if you have already warned – do it. There should be no indulgence. Otherwise, do not threaten. Inconsistency gives the little person a loophole and a way to manipulate you. And the tantrum that the child throws in order to still watch cartoons without collecting toys should not confuse the parent. Don’t want to endure screaming? Offer him a replacement – now we won’t watch cartoons, you haven’t fulfilled the terms of the contract, but I can read you a book.
4. A stern voice. It makes sense to use it when you want to stop some action. And here it is important not to prohibit, because in this case the business will only become more attractive, but to offer an alternative. There should always be what is possible and what is right. In addition, it is necessary to explain why this or that action is undesirable. If stopped, but not explained, the child will not have a causal relationship, which will certainly lead to similar misconduct.
5. Formation of clear boundaries, a specific system of requirements. When the mother permits what the father forbade, and the grandmother ignored the mother’s ban, as a result, the child generally loses his bearings and does not understand what they want from him. Also, the response to the same behavior should be adequate in all adults. For example, the baby hit his mother on the cheek. Mom was indignant, made it clear that it was so bad and unpleasant, and the grandmother nearby laughed, they say, the baby is fooling around. What should a child think? How to behave next time? The actions of adults must be unambiguous and consistent. Having a certain system of requirements, the child will not need additional educational methods.
“We will not teach parents the right attitude towards children by law,” continues Elena Khoteeva. – Just as we will not teach children anything by punishment. It is necessary to dispel the ignorance of adults so that such laws do not have to be passed. “
In continuation of the psychologist’s thoughts, I would like to add a few words from the author. I would like to think that I belong to the category of thinking parents who are in constant search of new correct methods of interacting with children. Therefore, I am sure that juvenile justice and the adopted law do not threaten my family as well as thousands of other families, where a mother sometimes from helplessness allows herself to slap the child in the butt. But with adults who systematically raise their hands to children, you need to work. But only not to influence by two years of imprisonment, but by compulsory long (say, for two years?) Consultations with specialists – psychologists and psychotherapists. Maybe this is how society as a whole will become healthier.