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Close relationships are impossible without mutual affection. But, if you want to build a long-term and strong union, far from everything is worth telling your partner — this is what our reader Olga thinks. And explains why. Do men themselves agree with this statement?
«The betrayal of the former and your humiliation»
My best friend’s husband has been cheating on her for years and undermined her self-confidence. He said that without him she was nothing — she would never find a good job and, as a woman, she was nothing. A friend found the strength to get a divorce, and a few years later she met a decent, as it seemed, man. But then he also started cheating on her. Of course, this came as a shock to her.
Later I learned that she initiated the man into what happened to her in her first marriage. She talked about the humiliation she had to go through. I understand my friend: she wanted to start from scratch, with support. At the same time, perhaps she herself provoked new betrayals. After all, she seemed to inform him that this is possible with me.
Let’s be honest: in long-term relationships, almost everyone faces temptations and temptation. And if a man has a thought even about a fleeting relationship on the side, he assesses the risks. And if he knows that in the past his woman suffered betrayal, then even now he does not risk anything. Of course, to the question “Why did you get divorced?” it is important to tell the truth. But with the right pitch: «They cheated on me, and I left.» Briefly, clearly and without details. Then your man immediately receives an unambiguous signal — you will not tolerate this.
Sandro, 26 years old
I agree, it makes sense not to tell. If deep down I know I can get away with it, maybe I can’t help it. There is a temptation in this for a man. But if a girl told that she immediately left after the betrayal, this will make you weigh the risk of losing the relationship a thousand times over.
Alexey, 32 years old
No, it won’t affect me in any way. If the decisive factor of betrayal is the question of whether I can get away with it or not, I will cease to respect myself. The fact that a woman went through such an experience does not mean that I will begin to treat her somehow differently: less respectfully or, on the contrary, emphatically carefully. If I want to be with a person who trusts me, the relationship with him is a matter of my conscience.
Anton, 35 years old
Yes, subconsciously it can really push for treason. The inner voice will convince — she will be loyal to this.
«Casual relationships and sexual experiments with other men»
Under no circumstances should you share intimate details of your relationship with other partners. This is unnecessary information that can unexpectedly work against you.
My friend told me that a girl whom he knew in his youth and did not count on anything serious with her, somehow told him the juicy details of her relationship with two men at the same time. And then he suddenly had a close relationship with her. “I was jealous of her and imagined that she could go on such an adventure even now,” he admitted. And although they broke up for a different reason, her confession did not strengthen their relationship.
Sandro, 26 years old
I like it when a girl has experience, she loves sex, she is open to experiments. And I don’t see anything wrong with what she told me about it. The main thing is that it does not border on some kind of deviation and fits into acceptable standards. What — everyone determines for himself. And yet — I still would not want to know that she had many men before me.
Alexey, 32 years old
No, I would not like to know anything about her adventures. I am impressed that the girl is relaxed in bed, and I, of course, can assume that she had experience before me. And yet I don’t want any details about any of her men.
Anton, 35 years old
On the one hand, such conversations are very exciting, on the other hand … I don’t want to know about those who shared the bed with my woman. My friend at the beginning of the relationship shared with me what she loves about sex. And I realized that this is exactly how it happened with her ex. Then it popped up in the imagination, it was unpleasant.
«Treason and secret connections»
An acquaintance, wanting to be honest with her man in everything, talked about how she cheated on her ex. And she went for it not because of unexpectedly flared feelings or a thirst for adventure, but because of the despair in which she was. Her husband made scandals, insulted, threatened that if she filed for divorce, he would get the child to stay with him. The person she cheated with promised to help resolve the situation.
A few years later, she nevertheless divorced and already in a new relationship told her friend about her past betrayal. It turned out to be a ticking time bomb. When there was a conflict between them, he accused her of being untrustworthy.
Sandro, 26 years old
Each story is different, but I would beware of a woman who uses sex as revenge. If she admitted that she fell in love and everything happened according to the will of the senses, I would understand. But the fact that she is able to punish or get her way in this way would embarrass me. This means that she will not tell me about problems in person, but she will recoup behind her back.
Alexey, 32 years old
I did not have such an experience, but I would not envy a man whose woman told about a past betrayal. And it doesn’t matter what the reason was. She is potentially ready for deception, and even justifies her act.
Anton, 35 years old
Perhaps I would still be grateful to her for her frankness. So she trusts me. Everything happens in life, and for me this is not at all a marker that a woman cannot be relied upon. If there is a truly close relationship between us, betrayal will not happen.