Emotional instability, constant anxiety, low self-esteem. All this characterizes the state of neuroticism, and we do not aspire to possess these qualities at all. Meanwhile, there is a downside, which often distinguishes neurotics — the willingness to set high standards for themselves and achieve results. But what price will have to be paid for this success?
“Since school, I have been worried that I won’t be able to succeed, that I won’t have enough strength or abilities and that my peers will be more successful,” Artem admits. — It was a constant race to get into the best university, find a promising job and build a career. Everything worked out, but the feeling does not leave me: my life is an endless race in which I have no right to relax and must always win.
“The energy, which, as in the case of Artem, is obviously triggered by a neurotic state, makes it possible to demonstrate impressive achievements,” explains psychotherapist Marina Myaus. The problem is that this resource is temporary. So our psyche tries to compensate for those repressed feelings and emotions that we cannot express directly. From this we begin to get sick, and the level of vital energy inevitably falls. In addition, success does not bring joy, does not make our life emotionally brighter and richer. It turns out to be just a way to cope with constant anxiety.”
Why is this happening?
The answer to this question, as in most cases, should be sought in childhood, primarily in relationships with the closest person — mother.
«Deaf» mother
The child experiences a variety of feelings, including resentment, discontent and aggression, with which not every mother is ready to meet.
“Some parents find it difficult to endure negative childhood emotions and experiences,” explains Marina Myaus. — The child is scolded for them or punished with demonstrative silence, instead of being around at this difficult moment for him, teaching him to express all his painful feelings, understand them and deal with them. A person grows up trying, as in childhood, to ignore pain and anxiety, and often runs away from them into vigorous activity.
Demanding mother
From childhood, he achieves high performance from his son or daughter, makes him study, and, as a rule, not at all what the child is interested in. Growing up, a person becomes a tough controlling adult for himself. He, like his mother once, is constantly dissatisfied with himself and strives for an unattainable ideal. As soon as he stops, he immediately devalues all his achievements.
Troubled parents
If parents suffer from alcoholism, depression, or constantly share psychological problems with the child that they cannot resolve on their own, he often grows up with a codependency complex. He feels guilty for not being able to save mom or dad in childhood, and this conflict in adulthood also turns out to be a resource state that prompts him to choose a profession that allows you to save other people.
The fracture that the child received in childhood is able to form a deep talented artist, when pain and experiences are sublimated into art.
“Neuroticism can really help on the path of achievement, but it will never make us happy,” recalls Marina Myaus. — If we try to replace it with other mechanisms of emotional discharge, our former success may suffer at first, and it is important to be prepared for this. In some cases, this is the price to pay to finally hear yourself and get rid of the feeling of a meaningless race. However, this fee will be compensated by the ability to move forward, first of all, enjoying every step in life.