«Neurotic» — recently this word has entered the lexicon of the inhabitants of the metropolis and has managed to take root in it firmly. The American psychiatrist Aaron Beck is even credited with creating a kind of “neurotic code”. Go through the points — perhaps you joined their ranks a long time ago, although you don’t know about it?
Saga of the Neurotic
Let’s start with the fact that a neurotic is not a medical concept, but an everyday one. So they say about an anxious person who does not know how to experience troubles as they come, but constantly thinks, thinks out and worries in advance. Mikhail Labkovsky believes that «for anxious people, life is a series of problems that need to be solved, and unrest that must either be drowned out (for example, with alcohol) or realized (to be hysterical to the fullest).»
The neurotic drags along a difficult psychological baggage, consisting of low self-esteem and self-doubt, dependence on the opinions of others and feelings of guilt and shame. He views any external events, the actions of others and his own actions through a distorting lens: because of this, negative events become even more terrible and serious (“make an elephant out of a fly”), and his own achievements are perceived as insignificant. The neurotic used to look at himself in a distorted mirror.
Such a person begins to collect a collection of «tools» in childhood, not without the help of his parents, but growing up, he walks through life, following an unspoken code.
The code of the real neurotic
1. To be happy, I must be successful in all endeavors.
2. To make me feel happy, I must be loved (accepted) by everything and always.
3. Made a mistake? So I’m stupid.
4. Didn’t reach the top? So, he was defeated.
5. It’s good to be popular, famous and rich, but it’s terrible to be ordinary and mediocre.
6. My worth as a person is determined by what others think of me.
7. I can’t live without love. If they don’t like me, then I’m good for nothing.
8. If someone does not agree with me, it means that he does not love me.
9. I must:
- to be the most generous, tactful, noble, courageous, selfless and beautiful;
- cope with any difficulties easily and without losing self-control;
- be the perfect lover, friend, parent, teacher, student, spouse;
- quickly solve any problems;
- to know, understand and foresee everything;
- always control yourself and manage your feelings;
- consider myself guilty in any situation (I have no right to hurt anyone ever);
- always be at the peak of efficiency, never experience fatigue and pain;
- always be happy and serene and never suffer.
Is this position close to you? Ready to sign up for half the points? Welcome to the club. The good news is that once you recognize the problem, you can deal with it, but it will take a lot of time and effort. Although, maybe the news is not so bad, depending on what lens you look through.