It is bad when in a pair one develops, and the other does not. How do you solve this problem?
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There are a lot of things around us that do not please us, while we call phrases and topics negative in communication when someone spoke unnecessarily about something bad, unpleasant or difficult.
“Your coat is dirty, put it in the drawer here, I’ll wash it!” — this is not a negative, because the conversation is on the case. And if unnecessarily a conversation begins about low-quality products in the modern world, this is negative, because it is not on business, without need.
Negativity in family communication is dangerous. With age, people begin to be more and more inclined towards negativity, and if you do not follow this carefully, a cheerful and cheerful person can easily turn into a harmful grouch over time.
Therefore: the negative is serious, big and for no reason — it is forbidden, even if it is not directed at anyone personally. It is possible to be petty dissatisfied and pour out negativity only when it does not sound like a reproach, does not strain anyone and does not lead to the development of personal negativism.
The negative is permitted and permissible only if it is impossible to do without talking about it, for example, if it is on an urgent matter or it is necessary to say about it to substantiate one’s thesis.
For more details, see When Negativity is Justified, or the Rule of Positives and Negatives in the discussion.
If something can be said without being negative, it is correct to say it without being negative. You can’t use negativity unnecessarily. This is the item times. Accordingly, if any of us made a negative, the other can point it out to him in the agreed form, and we can always (or should) agree on this form. And then pointing to the negative is no longer considered “wrong negative”, this is correct and normal. This is point two. If the negative is pointed out, the other does not have the right to be angry at this and reproach the first for the increased negativism. If you want to object, it’s okay to write down the situation and discuss it with someone who can judge us (friends? kids? outside experts?). If there are no objections, then the person who allowed the negative says “Yes, I was wrong” and tries to avoid negative in such situations in the future. This is point three. If point three is not fulfilled and a dispute begins instead of fixing disagreements and turning to experts, the situation can be stopped by force, pressure and a categorical order. Unfortunately. In a regular situation, you can’t swear, in an emergency situation, you can.
Everyone is good and loved, until it is proven that he has violated the agreement. If the other has not violated any agreements between you, then no matter how bad it may be for you, it is not his fault.
The husband comes home tired, wants to eat, but there is no wife, no dinner. When the wife came (very late), it turned out that her friend’s mother was ill, and her help was needed. Can you be angry with your wife? If such a situation is for the first time and there were no special agreements, you cannot be angry with your wife. Dear man, make your own dinner and wait for your beloved wife.
The wife is pregnant, tired, she wants to go to bed already at 21.00, and her husband has to work until 23.00. We talked, but they didn’t find another solution, except for my husband to work (quietly if possible). Can the wife then be angry with her husband if she wakes up from his movements around the apartment? The answer is no. If we agreed that this is a common decision, now you can’t be angry with your husband. The husband tries for the family, the husband is good. Emotions removed.
If I have not violated any existing agreements, then no matter what worries or worries the other side, I have a clear conscience. If I know that my conscience is clear and that the tears or attacks of another are his problem, I can ask him to stop this emotional pressure on me, console and explain that we can resolve all disagreements in a good way. No pressure.
Until it is proven that I have violated any agreements, there can be no charges against me. By default, in our family, everyone is good and always loved↑.
However, if you violated something, you were warned and you did not react — do not be offended. It is possible to apply the agreed sanctions to the violator, but only according to the rules and in the name of future compliance with the agreements.
Before punishment — warning and negotiations. Punishment is not revenge, but concern for relationships. Sanctions stipulated↑.