Contents
“Negative emotions do not exist, they all benefit us”
Psychology
The psychologist Jesús Matos publishes “A course on emotions”, a guide with which to understand what we feel and learn to control it
Jesús Matos has dedicated his life to understanding our emotions. With more than 15 years of experience in the profession and his own psychological office, his passion for this discipline led him to create a website on the practical application of scientific psychology called “In Mental Balance”, which today is considered a reference in the sector. He is also the author of the book “Good morning, joy”, a practical psychology manual that enjoys prestige in the profession. Now he has just published the work «A course of emotions» (Ediciones Urano), which is, in its own words, “more than a book, a guide” with which it is possible to understand what we feel and learn to accept it.
We live in a society
who worships intelligence, but is really moved by feelings. A society in which many times it seems that we should not feel. We spoke at ABC Bienestar with the psychologist about this dichotomy, about how to accept our feelings, although contradictorily we tend to avoid them.
What emotions are the most likely to paralyze us?
It depends, if we speak statistically, it is usually sadness and anxiety or fear. It can also be the case with anger or anger, but these types of feelings often move us.
In some way, the ones that paralyze us are negative emotions?
We should not think of them as negative emotions, because in reality they do not exist; all emotions have a function. Fear helps us to escape danger, sadness to manage a loss, or re-evaluate a situation … the problem is that there are times when these emotions arise when they do not have to appear, and there they become a problem. If fear arises from a predator, great, but if we feel fear, for example, when speaking in public, an activity that is potentially not dangerous, that is when emotions limit us.
So this is why we tend to avoid feelings?
We have to bear in mind that the environment in which the human being evolved is very different from the current one. At that time the emotions did fulfill a function: we were sad when he played, we felt fear when it corresponded … but now society is completely different, and many times emotions appear unnecessarily. Therefore, we innately tend to avoid feelings, but if we enter the loop of avoiding emotions, we develop strategies not to feel. We live in a very repressive society of emotions; feeling these emotions seems like an undesirable thing.
Do you think that, in general, we are aware of the power that emotions have over us?
We are not aware at all, and also, any decision we make is highly modulated by emotions, from buying a shirt to what we eat or which partner we choose. What happens is that we rationalize these decisions, telling ourselves “this is what I didn’t need,” for example. But normally this is not the case. Emotions are very present in our daily lives, but we forget about them; We have been praising intelligence only for centuries.
Are physical sensations the first indicator that makes us realize that our emotions overwhelm us?
It is possible that this happens, normally the first response we have is the physiological one, and this can be an indicator. Many times we somatize what we feel: there is a study that affirms that around a third of the medical consultations that are carried out have to do with emotional issues. In fact, the psychologist’s consultation is always the last step, it is almost like a disaster drawer (joke), and it is fine that way, because other physical problems must be ruled out first.
Lately there is a lot of talk about mindfulness, it has become popular, but how can it help us control our emotions, on a psychological level?
Mindfulness has become fashionable, there are those who speak of the “McDonalization” of this technique, but mindfulness is very effective in treating certain problems, such as relapses in depression or with anxiety disorder. What you have to understand is that it is one more technique, that it is not a panacea. Mindfulness helps us control these emotions that we talk about that overwhelm us. It is a technique to attend to the present moment, without judging ourselves; not letting ourselves be carried away by emotions, but observing them.
In some way, the emotions are there, we cannot avoid them, and what you have to do is learn to live with them …
The key is that an emotion is nothing more than an attempt to adapt the body, to an external stimulus, and what the body tries is that we are well adapted to our environment. What happens is that there are false alarms; the key is to detect these false alarms and not be guided by those emotions. And the emotions that do help us, accept them and let them take us.