Where to go to study? With whom to live? Where to work? How to look? Our solutions are driven by our needs. But sometimes they are not obvious, masked by other ideas and attitudes, contradictory. Gestalt therapist — about why it is so important in life to recognize your true motives.
I am convinced that the path of life, the choice of a profession, a partner is the material embodiment of our various needs. It is noteworthy that most of them, as a rule, are not realized by us.
If when we say «internal needs» we mean genuine ones, then there must probably be imaginary ones as well. So, for example, one of my acquaintances, who was fond of literature, entered a mathematical university, because her dad said: «A person who does not know mathematics cannot be called intelligent.» It was clear that logarithms and differentials did not really meet her needs. But the need for daddy’s approval was quite genuine. Then, if our needs are so unobvious, what can we rely on when making decisions?
Now I am settling in a new country, Switzerland, and one day an ambitious thought came to me: should I return to medicine. It should be clarified that Russian medical diplomas are not recognized here. That is, in order to work as a doctor, you must re-learn at a medical university. But where ours did not disappear, we will break through! I encouraged myself.
Break through means that I agree to put about ten years of my life into re-entry into the medical profession. But then I thought: for what in the end I am ready to pay this price. What does it mean to me to be a doctor? To work with people and help those who feel bad to realize themselves in something complex that requires a fairly high qualification. Great, but I already do all this as a Gestalt therapist. Then what else?
On reflection, I found that being a doctor means for me to enter, in a certain sense, into a special caste, belonging to which a priori gives social recognition and respect.
Well, the need for recognition is one of the basic ones. It is quite logical that, while building a life in a new country, I experience a noticeable setback in social status. It is also logical to strive to regain their usual positions. Only here the path to gaining a sense of self-worth through another medical degree turns out to be very intricate. Yes, there was a lot to think about…
In the end, realizing my deepest motivation, I let go of this idea without regrets, with a light heart. Why did I feel better all of a sudden? I just realized what kind of need I currently have frustrated, and realized that the path I wanted to follow to meet it, not the best. Paradoxically, after such a statement, I became more stable and calmer. Obviously, there are other, less extreme ways of integrating into a new society.
In general, I think that there is no need to try to overcome yourself, arguing what is right to want and what is not — let’s leave it to the orthodox teachers of the Soviet era! Being alive means also having different needs. It is only important to understand what exactly I need it for. This understanding alone helps to make more informed choices, without substituting the end for the means.