Narcissus: “Laws and rules are for ordinary people, and I am an exceptional person”

A distinctive feature of a narcissist is that he has a very high opinion of himself and believes that others should share his point of view. The remaining characteristics only complement the “portrait”.

Narcissists willingly talk about their successes, do not hide (or exaggerate) their merits, and expect others to admire and recognize their exclusivity. Can’t stand criticism. They consider their own needs more important than the needs of others, they always count on a special attitude. Tirelessly care about their appearance, are proud of meeting outstanding people.

When communicating with others, they easily move from flattery to criticism and back to unexpected praise. At the same time, they hardly pay attention to the negative emotions that they cause in others, since sympathy is alien to them.

A certain logic can be seen in the behavior of a person with a narcissistic personality type. “If I am an exceptional person and deserve more than others, everyone should treat me with respect. Laws and rules apply to ordinary people, and I don’t have to follow them.”

me and the rest

• Feeling of exclusivity: he is convinced that he deserves more than others.
• Huge ambitions, striving for success in the professional and personal sphere.
• Diligent care of their appearance and clothing.

• Waiting for special attention, privileges, but is not going to reciprocate.
• Resents if privileges are missing.
• Manipulates others, uses them to achieve his own goals.
• Rarely sympathizes with others.

Benefit or harm

Of course, not always narcissistic traits are expressed sharply. Moreover, a certain amount of narcissism can even be beneficial. Think of any television interviews with celebrities. They give the impression of confident and self-satisfied people.

It can be assumed that success brought them such satisfaction, but another thing is also true: they achieved success precisely thanks to self-confidence, a sense of their own superiority, and the ability to correctly position themselves.

With equal abilities, a narcissist is more likely to succeed than a humble person. He will be able to sell himself more expensively, scrupulousness is not characteristic of him, in the role of a leader he will be less afraid of failures, as he is convinced that he is more capable and more competent than others.

In addition, he is sure that failures do not arise through his fault, therefore he remains calm even in situations in which others would have lost their composure and self-control long ago.

Rules of conduct with a narcissist

What do we have to do

• Express your approval (sincerely) whenever possible. Narcissus is sure that he deserves admiration. If you want to maintain a good relationship with him, praise him whenever possible. Then he will consider you an intelligent person who is able to appreciate him, will be less irritated in your presence, and will accept criticism much more calmly.
• Don’t flatter!
• Explain the reactions of others. If the narcissist trusts you, you will have to coax out his complaints about others: incompetent, stupid, ungrateful … If you want to participate in the conversation, do not argue who is right and who is wrong. Talk about how we each have our own way of looking at things. And understanding and accepting another point of view does not mean agreeing with it.
• Be polite. If you’re late, greet casually, act familiar, be sure the narcissist won’t like it. He always attaches importance to what others may consider mere trifles.
• Criticize only when necessary. And only pointing to specific actions: “I worry when you are late”, “I don’t like that you interrupt me.”
• Discreetly talk about your own successes or achievements. Narcissists are envious because they believe they deserve more. Do not say that you had a wonderful vacation, received an inheritance, spent time in an interesting company … This will make him suffer, and your relationship will deteriorate.

What not to do

• Contradict. You may have such a desire in response to their arrogance. But this will bring relief only for a short time, and the relationship will worsen.
• Let yourself be manipulated. Their charm, sense of superiority, carelessness or indifference towards others make them excellent manipulators. It is important to decide what you are ready to give in, and what you are not (and never).
• Wait for reciprocal feelings, relationships on the principle of “quid pro quo”. They do not feel obligated to repay kindness for kindness, because they believe that what you give is rightfully theirs. It would be a mistake to think that the better you treat him, the better he will treat you.

Three warnings

• If this is your boss, be sincere and restrained with him.
• If this is your employee, see that he does not take your place.
• If this is your companion (companion) of life, since you have chosen him, then something in him attracted you. Explore the issue in more depth or (at least) re-read our note.

^* L. Francois, A. Christophe “He is a schizophrenic?!.. How to deal with difficult people” (Generation, 2007).