Narcissism: double standards and hypocrisy

If you have to deal with narcissists, it’s helpful to be able to recognize their double standards. They…

CHARMING IN PEOPLE, TYRANTS AT HOME

Like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, they can be generous in public, but at home they turn into cruel egoists.

EASILY VULNERABLE, BUT UNCAPABLE OF EMPATHY

Such people are easily offended when they are ignored, they can become enraged from resentment. But when you need support, your feelings are ignored.

EXAGGERATE THEIR ACHIEVEMENTS AND DECREASE OTHERS

Narcissists tend to exaggerate their talents and achievements while being slow to acknowledge your successes, expressing doubts about the correctness of your actions and decisions. At the moment of your triumph, they can ignore it or throw a scandal to ruin everything.

VALUE SURFACE RELATIONSHIPS

Some of them are concerned about moving in the “right” circles, they care what people think of them. At the same time, their relationship is superficial, they lack sincerity and reciprocity. Many narcissists never make a single close friend. If you hope that he will support you in difficult times, you will be disappointed.

HIGHLY VALUE THEMSELVES, BUT HAVE FRAGILE SELF-ASSESSMENT

Narcissists crave wins, compliments, power, and a sense of superiority over others. They are afraid of defeat and ridicule. Because of this, such people rarely apologize or admit they were wrong. If someone allows himself to doubt their achievements, the reaction is quite violent: a fit of self-pity or rage.

EXPECTING MORE FROM OTHERS THAN YOU ARE READY TO GIVE

They expect approval and admiration, they themselves are not ready to praise and support others. If the child of a narcissistic parent comes running to him in tears, instead of supporting his child, the narcissist may break out into an angry tirade about how someone cut him off on the road.

The narcissist is willing to show love only under certain conditions. If you didn’t please him with something, all warm feelings disappear.

AGGRESSIVE, BUT DO NOT TOLERATE AGGRESSION

Some people with narcissistic traits are constantly on the lookout for conflict. They attack others, make caustic comments and even insults, manage to make enemies everywhere. However, if someone criticizes them or challenges them, they resent to the core.

WANT TO ALWAYS BE RIGHT

It is important for narcissists to be sure that they are right and prove it to others. Usually they divide everything in the world into black and white, right and wrong. Often they are preoccupied with cleanliness, order, rules, small details, schedules.

If something unpredictable, unusual happens, they do not know what to do, or feel humiliated, narcissists may fall into despair or attack others with accusations.

LOVE TO BE THE SPOTLIGHT

Narcissistic personalities want to “shine” like a 5000 watt lamp. When others talk about something else, the narcissist either stops listening or tries to quickly turn the conversation to himself. If they are in a bad mood and their partner is in a great mood, they will do everything to spoil it. Everything good that happens to others happens to the detriment of himself.

DO NOT CONTROL EMOTIONS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW IT AFFECTS OTHERS

Narcissists allow themselves to express rage and displeasure without leaving “space” for other people to express themselves emotionally.

If you’re used to expecting empathy, honesty, and reciprocity from others, dealing with narcissists can be difficult. However, if you remember that such people aggressively defend themselves against everything that poses a real or imaginary threat to their unstable self-esteem, their behavior ceases to seem so inexplicable and illogical. With this in mind, you can adjust your expectations and not take their actions to heart.

About the Author: Dan Newhart is a family therapist.