Myths about male psychology: the view of a psychotherapist

I will talk about how things really are, what public clichés you can’t believe. It will be about the role of men in relationships, about marriage and children, about emotions and sex, about male values ​​and much more. 

Myths are beliefs that have no basis in fact. Stories that most people believe… and are wrong. There are a lot of them in the world of gender stereotypes. Men and women really want to know each other. But anxiety in front of the unknown forces you to choose a safer path – to trust the established opinion. The problem is that a myth is always fiction. 

At the Faculty of Psychology, the gender composition is approximately the same as in a pedagogical university. A man in our profession is a rare guest, one in ten. During the training, as future psychologists, we were immediately warned that our clients would be predominantly women. 

Imagine my surprise when, a couple of years after the start of work, a bias in the opposite direction formed in my practice. Men occupied more than half of the client seats. I began to look for answers to the question: why did this happen? I found and became a male psychotherapist, now this is one of my specializations. Therefore, I have something to say.

Let’s look at the most common misconceptions about male psychology (all based on real events and coincidences are random).

Top 10 myths about male psychology

1. Men are less sensitive. Feeling an emotion and expressing it are not the same thing. Upbringing and social norms make men show their feelings differently. But our internal processes are of the same intensity. 

2. Men are obsessed with sex. And here the stereotype about women played a cruel joke, supposedly sex is less significant for us. This is not true. The need for sex and its importance in relationships is the same for both sexes. And besides sex, a man has a lot of important values. 

3. Men avoid marriage, do not want to enter into an official marriage. Yes, unlike girls who have been dreaming of a wedding dress since childhood, boys dream of a completely different thing up to a certain point.

   If you only knew how important a strong family really is for men!

   Many aspire to this and are happy to be in the role of a husband.

4. All men are prone to cheating. The self-fulfilling prophecy effect regularly proves this to women who believe in it. But there is no animal irresistible instinct. Cheating is a problem of specific relationships, there is no gender bias, although the sexes have different reasons for cheating. 

5. Men do not take an active part in the upbringing of children. Maybe it used to be like that. But not now. Dads have become full-fledged parents, attentive and complicit. The law does not yet reflect this change in society, but the reality is already there. Modern fathers want to have children, love them and participate in their lives.

6. Men are very reluctant to enter into a relationship with a woman with a child or children from a previous marriage. In fact, it does not play a decisive role. If a woman has one, two, three children, a man will not consider this an obstacle if he is interested in her. 

7. Men are afraid of successful self-sufficient women. Men are repulsed by narcissistic, devaluing women – this is more like the truth.

   But most men enjoy being around a man who is developing.

   They are rather proud of their girlfriends. But here everything directly depends on the attitude of the companion towards him.

8. Men choose economic. It’s nice when the house is clean and delicious dinner. But if you choose between these qualities and an interesting interlocutor with whom harmonious relations develop, the man will choose the second. Believe me, an adult capable person is quite capable of serving himself in everyday life. 

9. Men can not stand long conversations about relationships and other sentiments. The truth is that men do not tolerate manipulation. And intimacy, sincerity and tenderness are exactly what they lack in women. And by the way, men are also very pleased to receive compliments, they appreciate the attention.

10. Men are stronger psychologically and morally. Not stronger and not weaker. There are just different people. They also get hurt, they also suffer. There are features of manifestation, but in general they are not immune from psychological trauma. And the practice of my colleagues proves it.

And now I will tell you about those stereotypes about men that are true.

The truth about male psychology

• Work and career are higher in the hierarchy of values ​​than women. Yes, for men this aspect of life is more important. It is through profession and role in society that a man forms his identity. For a man, in fact, it is first important to take place professionally before building a family. And the collapse in work and finances is perceived much more painfully. 

• Rational thinking and logic. Yes, there are very rational women and very sensitive men. But no one canceled the features of the functioning of the brain – statistically everything is so.

• The need for power, control and recognition. Men show their fears through the emotion of aggression, which is more acceptable to them than sadness and tears. (For women, it is exactly the opposite.) It is this feature that makes men move forward on the career ladder, take a leading role in the family, take care of loved ones, and resolve issues. 

Respect and admiration

Every time a man addresses me, I feel genuine respect and admiration for him. When people ask me what it’s like for me as a psychotherapist to work with men, I answer: it’s easier with women.

Easier, because we can identify our feelings, notice and name them. Because we recognize the importance of psychological well-being and are willing to work towards it. Contact and trust are better established with women, which means that psychotherapy moves faster and more efficiently. But with men it’s much more interesting. 

And I am glad that society is fighting gender stereotypes, gradually moving away from a clear division into men and women, approaching a more versatile concept of “human”.