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The problems of lovers are one of the most exciting topics that never ceases to arouse interest and attract attention. We meet with friends to tell how the date went, relationships develop, we try to find answers to our questions in articles, at trainings, marathons. Can such attention hurt?
Relationships within a couple are surrounded by a lot of misconceptions. Blindly believing them, we are met with disappointment that things are not going the way they should be. This can create unnecessary doubts and rob you of happiness.
Myths are dangerous because they make the breakup painful: we internalize unrealistic ideas about love and then we can hurt ourselves about them, thinking that something is wrong with us.
Myth No. 1. «Happy 3 years»
Many people believe that the beginning of a relationship should be especially pleasant and filled with emotions. If it doesn’t, it’s a sign of a destructive relationship. In fact, falling in love, we begin to experience very vivid emotions, but at the beginning of a relationship, we are more in love with fantasies than with a real person.
Over time, we notice more and more details and nuances of the beloved’s personality that previously remained in the shadows, we get to know him better, and this applies not only to the qualities and habits that we like in him, but also to the features that can repel.
So we gradually move from the stage of merger to the stage of differences, where the probability of separation is highest. But it’s not even the differences, but how we deal with them. Someone demands XNUMX% compliance and starts to fight for it, destroying the world in a couple. In any relationship there is a period of bedding, it can start earlier or later, last longer or shorter, be smoother and less noticeable, or quite intense and exhausting. What each person brings to the relationship is important, but the ability to keep the focus on yourself (“How am I influencing what is happening?”) Rather than correcting the partner is especially valuable.
Myth number 2. «Together and forever»
One of the most unhelpful myths is that since we have entered into a love, marriage union, it should last a lifetime. This is the oath when entering into marriage: «until death do us part.» There is a rational aspect to this: it would be strange, when entering into marriage, to think about the possibility of divorce. The desire to create a long-term story and be in a stable relationship is understandable. The need to cling to a relationship or a person rather speaks of inner fear, pain, hidden wounds that begin to bleed.
The belief that relationships should last a lifetime only increases the pain of parting, it begins to seem to us that the matter is in us, we are to blame for everything, we are not capable of anything. Thus begins the process of self-flagellation, in which we can spend a long time. We can avoid a crisis in self-esteem if we understand that this myth is not true: it is difficult to find those who managed to immediately build harmonious relationships and not face parting.
Myth number 3. «I live by you»
It is associated with the idea that if we enter into a relationship, nothing more is needed in life, we can only live with each other. This means that the partner becomes the only person with whom we plan to go to the cinema and exhibitions, discuss current affairs at work, complain about the mother, talk about a nice blouse.
It is important to have common hobbies, but when all hopes are placed on one person, this becomes an impossible task for him. After all, there is not a single person in the world who could satisfy all our needs. If all interests revolve around one person, if we have learned to satisfy needs only through him, then when the relationship with him comes to an end, it becomes a big blow.
We are losing not only a person, but the whole world. Panic seizes us: with whom will I now spend my vacation, who will fill out my receipts, who will support me, saying that everything will work out? Thus, we are faced with the need to learn to live independently and satisfy our own needs.
Moreover, if a person still gains the courage to gradually begin to deal with life’s tasks, then he may suddenly find that he no longer wants relationships with similar content and scenario that were before.