My Therapy: “I’ve Been Victim All My Life”

It took me years to work with me

Anna, 39 years old, bank employee

In family relationships, I had a complete seam for many years. My husband and I tried to get a divorce on my initiative. But I couldn’t go through with it and gave our marriage a second chance, which he really asked for. I got pregnant, but I realized that I was very afraid to give birth, because I could not hope for the support of my husband. I decided to have an abortion. This greatly affected my psychological state. In the same year, I was admitted to the hospital with internal bleeding, and I was urgently operated on. Then she was forced to leave her job, long and painfully looking for another. It seemed that on all fronts I was already at the bottom …

I knew that I had to do something with myself. But what? It was difficult and incomprehensible for me. All my life I have looked at what is happening from the position of the victim: “Well, why is this with me, why, how did it happen that I am so unhappy?” The first attempt to seek help was a trip to the district free consultation in 2011. From that moment my path in therapy began.

I got to the therapist with whom I ended up working a little later, at the end of 2012. At that time I could not even really articulate what and why I came. The luggage was rich: the divorce of parents, the difficult relationship with my mother, with my husband – also a complete horror. And complete dissatisfaction with yourself and life. We started digging. I remember that I was terribly afraid that I would now “dig up” the real myself, I would be wildly frightened and would not be able to live with it …

The therapist tried different techniques on me. We drew, and played, and built a world in a box. But what worked best for me was the metaphorical cards. With them, I began to bring my own world into the light of God.

I went to therapy twice a week for quite a long time. Then they switched to once a week. It took years for myself and work with me …

Now I understand that the trigger for the chain of events that led me to a psychotherapist was one of the most difficult decisions in life – abortion. It was he who, despite the fact that he hurt me a lot, pulled all the transformations with him. And in 2012, with the help of a therapist, I finally pushed off this bottom and began to rise up, to the real me.

Then life regularly threw me problems. There was a difficult turning point in 2017 when I had to see a psychiatrist and take antidepressants. It was then that I finally got acquainted with my inner abyss, hugged her and fell in love. And… they smiled at me from there! As a result, I divorced my husband. Now I am happy: I took care of myself, lost a lot of weight, enjoy communication with friends and a child.

In my work with a psychotherapist, parables, analogies, cards, and just jokes worked great. It was very important to find a specialist who accepted me for who I am, even with my manner of using strong words in speech.