“My tastes are very specific…”: where do sexual fetishes come from?

It is said that people are initially born with certain sexual preferences. But researchers are still arguing about the veracity of this version. Closer to the truth is that fetishes and special sexual addictions, which are also called perversions, are formed in childhood.

Sexual energy develops at a very early age, and the background against which this energy is fixed forms sexual addictions. If a child has been subjected to physical abuse, then most likely, in adulthood, he will discover masochistic tendencies in himself.

Showing their genitals, the child usually feels shame. And then this feeling is intertwined with sexual sensations. If the parents encouraged the child or laughed at such moments, then in adulthood exhibitionism may be associated in a person with approval and love.

From which we can conclude that sexual addictions in a child are mostly formed by parents.

What cases form fetishes

Each “fetishist” has his own unique story. But for addiction to form, three components are necessary: ​​lack or lack of communication with the mother in childhood, traumatic sexual experience, and emotional fixation on some subject.

Attraction to different parts of the body

Let’s imagine that mother did not pay attention to one boy in childhood – she was cold, unemotional. But sometimes she asked her son to bring some clothes, such as socks, and put them on her feet. After this ritual, she thanked the boy by hugging and kissing him.

For the child, this was that important contact experience of communication with the mother, which was fixed in his psyche as a manifestation of love. And when he grew up, women’s legs became the only way to get this “love”. Hence the foot fetishism.

Arousal from inanimate objects

Here, most likely, we are talking about sexual associations with objects. The simplest example: in the room where a man masturbates, there is a picture of balloons. And at the moment of orgasm, the man accidentally glances at her.

If this happens more than once, then the image may eventually become the “causative agent” of the sexual reflex – that is, form a fetish for balloons. But it is not clear how intense and how long the stimulus must be for it to develop into a fetish.

Attraction to a certain type

Such attraction can also be called a fetish. There is a version that we choose partners who are similar to our parents, since during our early development they appeared to us in a “god-like” image – this created a sense of security within us. And in order not to lose this feeling, we choose both romantic and sexual partners, focusing on the same image.

If we consider sexual preferences through the prism of trauma, it is likely that we may experience arousal to a person who, in facial features, body structure, or some other characteristics, reminds us of the one who inflicted this injury on us.

How does it happen in life? The girl was raped by a maniac in childhood, and she remembered that he had many tattoos on his body. Growing up, she will most likely get tattoos – this will remind her of the fear and pain that she once experienced. And the men who will excite her, most likely, will have tattoos on their bodies.

It is important to understand that this is not a disorder or a pathology. This is a mental process. There is an illusion inside us that now we will play out this scenario again and it will become easier for us.

How to distinguish the norm from the pathology?

In this question it is necessary to refer not to the psychological side of the issue, but to the social one. This means that fetishism, sadomasochism, and other consensual sexual indulgence without harming anyone is the norm, not a disorder.

For example, if a person is excited by his toes, and his partner is not embarrassed, everything is fine. An upset is when a fetishist hides under a bench to lick the fingers of passers-by.

Should I tell my partner about my fetishes?

This is important, as a person must accept himself with all his “oddities”. We repeat: if the “oddities” do not contradict the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation and do not violate the boundaries of another person. If you do not talk about your preferences and hide them deep inside, then tension will begin to accumulate. And sooner or later it will find a way out – not always in the best way.

You need to discuss it as it is, openly and honestly, without hints. And leave the partner the right to choose whether he wants to accept your fetishes or not. If he categorically does not accept them, then he is basically not ready to accept you. There will be little meaning from these relationships, there is no need to torment each other. Trust is the first thing that gives a strong and conscious union.