Contents
You can be very creative parents who come up with various useful and correct activities and inculcated skills for their children, and all this can be equated to zero if the parents themselves do not have the appropriate atmosphere and competent principles of interaction in the house.
In the first article «MY SIMPLE RIGHT CHILDHOOD» I shared the practical skills that were laid down by my talented parents and gave excellent results in adult life. I also want to share those parenting rules that helped my parents achieve successful results in raising my brother and me and deal with obedient children.
Atmosphere of love
First of all, before this work, I turned to my mother with a question, how did they manage to achieve that their children were obedient? “Maybe we just loved you very much,” she replied. On the one hand, it is simple, understandable and trite, however, creating an atmosphere of love is a skill. I always knew that our parents love us, even if they were strict or cursed. Mom said that it was extremely interesting for her to watch how my brother and I grow and develop. And when a person knows how to experience the most lively interest and joy in the work in which he is engaged, then he will certainly treat him and the product of his occupation with love.
Exemplar
From an early age, my parents were an authority and a model for me. For example, if the parents gave the task to put things in order in the room or make the bed, then they themselves supported him in their workshop or in the bedroom. Or the implementation of the rule “put on a hat” was also demonstrated by example. At an older age, critical thinking began to develop, and then attempts began to bend one’s opinion. In such cases, the catchphrase sounded: «Well, do as you like.» The reaction was indignation (well, of course!) and I chose to do what was right, because parents are authority.
Showing Attention
My parents have always been attentive to the affairs of their children. Attention was to ask how the day went, what progress in school, what happened, what you do in your spare time, and live feedback on the story. My brother and I could always share our affairs and successes and get support from our parents, knowing that it was also important for them. In my opinion, it is sincere indifference to the affairs of the child that helps him understand that he is important and needed.
Lack of quarrels
In 17 years of living with my parents, I remember only one case of misunderstanding of parents when they stopped talking. For me it was a shock, because. I knew my parents didn’t swear — it’s impossible! Yes, and in this situation they also didn’t swear, but I can only guess that they solved all their problems and claims in private without bringing the family to the general review. This gave a sense of calm in the family and an understanding that mom and dad love each other and know how to negotiate peacefully.
I can also add here that there were no situations when one parent put sticks in the wheels of another. Here the rule of subordination and the support of the other parent were observed, if he gives any orders. That is, if the father says “turn off the TV now and go to bed”, then the mother does not add “okay, watch another five minutes”, but joins the position of the father. In this regard, I am extremely grateful to my mother for raising the authority of the pope as the head of the family — he makes the decision and he has the last word.
Parents’ word is law
On the example of my parents, I learned well what responsibility for disobedience is. There was such a case. My brother and I went for a walk and for some reason decided to extend our walk and did not return home by the appointed time. When we came home, the door was locked, and behind it a stern voice sent us to walk further, although it was already dark outside. My brother and I realized our mistake and began to figure out where we would spend the night, but nevertheless we decided to try to correct the situation and asked to go home with an apology, where an adult conversation was waiting for us. The lesson was well learned. By the way, thanks to this practice, for the most part, I learned to respect the rules that exist in the society where I come.
Family traditions
In good organizations, as a rule, there is not only a certain set of rules, but also corporate traditions that unite and unite its members. Our family had and still has many pleasant traditions. For example, kiss before going to bed and wish good night, evening tea, watching good movies, walking, mushroom picking or fishing, holiday traditions. All these rituals contribute to unity, better interaction with each other and make the family truly friendly.
joint affairs
The family in which I grew up is a model of the WE family. In addition to caring for each other, one of the main values is the community of WE-together. This includes joint activities, joint games, family conversations — any pastime. There is work in the garden — we all go together, meals — together, creativity — also together. This principle was developed from indifference to each other’s lives and the importance of supporting each family member.
The most necessary
I grew up in a fairly average family in terms of income in the province, and this contributed to the fact that I did not grow up to be a spoiled girl. However, my parents, by virtue of their responsibility, always provided the most necessary — simple healthy food, normal clothes, a moderate amount of toys. This approach helped to develop two important strategies at the same time: on the one hand, I can exist in simple and even minimal conditions for life. On the other hand, there is a great desire to improve my life, which I did, starting an independent life in the capital, when I entered the university after school. In my opinion, this approach pushes a person more towards greater development and the desire to increase the level of comfort in his life.
Emotion management
Remembering my golden childhood and according to my parents’ stories about the early periods of my life, I have always been a calm child. There were no tantrums, screams or any other emotional outbursts in our family. Now I understand what a great merit of parents is the ability to control their emotions. Yes, over time, I began to notice some of their not always restrained manifestations, but this was done quite environmentally. For example, dad, with negative emotions, began to engage in active physical work — dig, cut firewood or clean up the desktop. Mom, on the other hand, dealt with emotions more alone, without shifting responsibility for them to loved ones. I will not say that I grew up as a person who has learned to perfectly manage my emotions, but with a conscious approach, now it is quite easy for me to do this. Also, one important rule was the ability to behave decently in public. Tantrums in stores and manipulation of crocodile tears — this is not about us, because it did not work, and there was only a way out to negotiate normally.
Parent Counselor
Perhaps the fact that I could always turn to my parents for advice and joint reflection and decisions through conversations contributed to the fact that even as a child I wanted to become a counseling psychologist who helps people and families in particular. This happened, as a rule, in a cozy intimate atmosphere, in the evening in the kitchen or on a walk. This practice of communication made me and my parents friends and developed tremendous trust. Being friends in a family with children is the most important element of education. Thanks to this, I still turn to my parents for advice or opinion, and now even they turn to me, which makes our relationship even stronger and warmer.
The upbringing of children begins with the upbringing of the parents. Therefore, I want to thank our grandparents, who, in such a difficult historical time, managed to give my parents good manners and make decent people out of them.
And so that my readers do not die of envy with the exclamation “This does not happen!”, I will only add that my parents, like all adequate people, made mistakes — we have a normal, not ideal family, where something was right, but something not really. My task is to share the good and useful things that were in the practice of my parents, so that this experience could be useful to someone else.
Dear colleagues, make sure that your children have even more wonderful parents!