“My partner loves horror movies, but I don’t”: what to do?

“My husband, when choosing films to watch, always chooses either horror films, or disaster films, or thrillers. I’m already afraid to live with him. He can watch calmly as a person is tortured or killed. Maybe he’s not right in the head? Or does he lack adrenaline and in this way he makes up for his lack? Is it necessary to somehow react to this and what to answer if he invites to a joint viewing, but I’m afraid or don’t want to? I have nightmares myself.”

Christina, 32 years old

“Try to separate yourself from what is happening in the film first.”

Elizabeth Knyazeva, psychotherapist, psychoanalyst

There can be many reasons for loving genres such as horror, disaster films, and thrillers. But more often than not, the answer is quite simple: a lack of emotions from life, the search for sources to gain strength and resources in solving everyday problems, processing anxiety, a surge of adrenaline, the desire to feel alive.

If you do not observe alarming signs in your husband in ordinary life situations or in family life, then there is no reason for concern. If there is something else that worries you, then you should consider how these things are connected (and whether they are connected at all) with interest in such stories.

Have you tried to ask your husband, as if by chance, what exactly attracts him to such films? What does he find in them? Perhaps the answer is easier than you think. Or maybe there is something else in your husband that scares or repels you, and his calmness in relation to scenes of violence is just an excuse?

Now let’s talk about your reaction to the invitation to watch a movie together. Have you ever talked about your fear and reluctance to watch such films? For many, this genre of cinema is seen as quite repulsive, since they are emotional and have a developed imagination, and therefore the plot is perceived not as something separate that happens only on the screen, but as more real and close.

Try to separate yourself from what is happening in the film first. Realize, feel that this is just a film, the work of a screenwriter, even if it is unpleasant for you. It’s a matter of taste here.

What events are happening in your life lately? Perhaps something in the work, in the family, in relationships with parents and friends causes a vague feeling that something is wrong and changes are needed. Your own anxiety builds up, over which you lose control when watching such films.

Try asking your husband the questions mentioned above about the reasons for his interest and share your feelings with him. Then you get a very useful dialogue for both parties, which will probably bring you even closer. The main thing is to refrain from criticism, just exchange emotions and opinions. I’m sure you will succeed!