Living with elderly parents can be difficult – because often you have to adapt to their rules and regulations. So is it possible to maintain autonomy in your own home if you are no longer the only owner in it? The heroine of our story also asked this question.
The woman spoke about how she had to fight for the territory of her own apartment.
A year ago, she decided to settle her 58-year-old mother in her common house with her husband. This was done for rational reasons: she and her husband covered the bills for the house, paid for the purchase of clothes and everything necessary for the mother, and in return she busied herself around the house.
Cooking, cleaning the house and other household chores fell on her shoulders. The daughter explained, “Because my husband and I work all the time, my mother takes care to give our house a little comfort.”
At first, both sides seemed to be happy with the situation. There were moments when the narrator did not agree with her mother, but this did not lead to conflict: “Sometimes I did not accept my mother’s point of view, but I still didn’t tell her anything, because she spends even more time in our house than I do.”
But one Saturday morning everything changed…
The heroine woke up early and began to wash clothes. Mother always had a special place for laundry soap, but she moved it to where it was more convenient for her.
Mother considered such a gesture as self-will and an attempt to violate her order and shifted the soap back. Who would have thought that the cycle of laundry soap in the house could literally lead to a “civil war”?
“After a long showdown, my mother herself returned the soap to the place that I chose for it, but she got upset, cried, and now she doesn’t talk to me for a day,” the girl wrote.
She turned to Internet users for advice: how to solve the problem with her mother? “Is my mother too “excessive” to start a quarrel over such a trifle?” she asked.
Commentators agreed that such a petty quarrel only opened up long-accumulated mutual claims. They also reminded the girl that it was she who provoked the conflict: before, she always agreed with her mother’s orders, why did she decide to protest now?
“You have given her full control of your home and expect her not to be surprised when you suddenly say, ‘Wait! This is my house and you’re doing it wrong!’ I think it’s time to talk about how your family is set up and who runs the household.”
“I would be more concerned, why is your mother only 58 years old, but she does not mind living at the expense of others? Even if she doesn’t want a high-paying job, doesn’t she want to have a little bit of independence?”
“It looks like the soap problem is the straw that ended up breaking the camel’s back. I’m sure there are many more examples that you haven’t given. If mom is emotionally manipulating, it will only get worse. What happens if you have marital disagreements? And when will the children appear? She will definitely try to intervene.”