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Today, the industry of cosmetology and plastic surgery offers, it would seem, a solution to all problems associated with physical disabilities. But what do we mean by them? Our experts reflect on why correcting our individual characteristics does not always make us happy and how to accept our reflection in the mirror.
It is generally accepted that beautiful people are a priori more confident in themselves, but in reality, appearance has nothing to do with self-esteem. People with perfect facial symmetry can find flaws in themselves, and those who do not differ in the correct proportions can be quite pleased with themselves.
In order to please themselves, some choose a radical way of changing their appearance, and the beauty industry, with its rapidly developing opportunities, extends a friendly hand to them. We consider the medical risk associated with these manipulations, but we rarely think about other long-term consequences of a sudden transformation.
“Sometimes we part with those small but important markers by which our future partner unconsciously chooses us,” says Elena Lanskaya, a cognitive therapist. — Eliminating, as it seems, imperfections: a mole, a hump on the nose, a gap on the tooth, we erase our release signs, which the partner unconsciously reads. Very often, his mother or father had the same «flaw», and it was this that was especially dear to a person in us.
It turns out that if we accept ourselves only by changing our appearance, we are simultaneously robbing ourselves. So when is it worth it to improve something in your appearance? It would seem, why not get rid of excess weight surgically, if this will allow us to look better and feel better, without making any special efforts? And where is the line when it is worth stopping?
Only we ourselves can answer these questions. However, psychologists recommend several tricks that will help you look at your reflection in the mirror with pleasure.
1. Stop complaining about your flaws
Even if you find a thousand flaws in yourself and they worry you, you should not discuss them with other people. “In our group there was a girl who at first seemed to me not very pretty, but she herself did not at all consider herself a gray mouse. She behaved like a confident beauty and constantly talked about dates, ”recalls Anastasia. — Soon I, like all my fellow students, was sure that she was really very pretty. All the years of our studies, she enjoyed success with the opposite sex.
“When a person is confident in himself, including in his appearance, this attitude is transmitted to others,” says psychologist Marina Myaus. “The reverse is also true: by endlessly criticizing yourself, you make other people feel that you are really full of flaws.”
It is all the more important not to put up with people in your environment who criticize your appearance. If this is a close person with whom you cannot cut off communication, tell him directly that from now on you do not want to hear any more comments addressed to you.
2. Celebrate your accomplishments
Small victories in any areas that are important to you raise self-esteem in relation to appearance. “After I started giving lectures, which quickly became popular, and realizing that I could hold an audience, I felt more confident in my appearance,” Alina shares. “So gradually my professional demand, which gave me financial independence, helped to overcome the uncertainty in my external data.”
“Pride in your successes often gives you the feeling that you have something to love yourself for,” Marina Myaus is sure. — There is a holistic acceptance of oneself, including one’s appearance. Therefore, self-development and acceptance of one’s physical shell often go hand in hand.”
3. Try to perceive weaknesses as strengths
Perhaps you will be helped by the example of other women, whose appearance was far from the canons of beauty, but who managed to achieve success, and often universal adoration. This is the legendary Coco Chanel, who did not have the right features, and Barbara Streisand, who made her imperfect nose her highlight.
Reality TV stars Kardashian have managed to present their forms, from a conventional point of view, were considered a disadvantage, as a new fashion trend. Turning your seemingly imperfection into dignity will only emphasize your uniqueness.
4. Get a companion who appreciates you.
“I often come across very beautiful women who have been psychologically destroyed by a partner who constantly criticizes them,” says Marina Myaus. — Under the guise of concern, they are asked to get better or lose weight, change the style of clothing. Sometimes this happens if a man has always liked a different type of woman, but for some reason he decided to be with this particular partner.
Over time, your partner may start comparing you to others. And even if the level of culture and upbringing does not allow him to speak offensive words openly, this will indirectly affect the relationship. Therefore, often in unions that begin with strong and passionate love, where partners are admired, including the outward appearance of their other half, people are more inclined to accept and forgive each other than in families that were formed more according to “psychological calculation”.
The feeling of love unconsciously makes us understand that this is a close person — including on a sensual and physiological level.