Defending the boundaries in raising a child is not so easy — too often the ubiquitous grandparents try to direct them on the right path, referring to their experience in upbringing and our inexperience. How to find a compromise with them and is it worth spending time on this?
The topic of the mother-in-law-daughter-in-law relationship can be listed in the Guinness Book of Records for the frequency of mention in women’s forums. And it would be nice if the father-in-law, and in most cases the mother-in-law, taught you how best to cook borscht, what color curtains to hang in the kitchen and how to iron a shirt correctly …
But when relatives get into the most difficult and important topic — the upbringing of a child — patience ends, it seems, for any woman.
The 26-year-old heroine, who, together with her husband, is raising a two-year-old daughter, found herself in such a situation. As she explained to the users of the forum, her pregnancy was not easy — at the 30th week there was a premature birth, and the girl spent several days in the intensive care unit.
All this suggests that the health of the child should be especially taken care of. But for some reason, the husband’s parents thought differently: they let a large number of people into the house where their newborn granddaughter lives. And this is in the midst of a pandemic! And when the girl saw the pandemonium and closed herself with the child in a separate room, the father-in-law and mother-in-law were indignant. Over time, the situation only worsened.
The older the child became, the more often the heroine noticed that no one was interested in her opinion
For example, the husband’s parents could take the child to their home for the night without asking the mother’s permission. They fed him what was forbidden. They put the girl next to them on the bed, although her mother wanted to teach the child to sleep alone. And also did not put a child seat in the car or put it incorrectly, thereby risking its safety.
In the end, the girl had to give an ultimatum: either the relatives follow her rules, or they will never see their granddaughter again. But her husband did not support her and did not try to understand — he immediately took the side of his parents. Because of this, she turned to forum users for advice on how to be.
A young mother is not ready to constantly defend her position, torn between her child, her husband’s parents and her husband himself. Moreover, she is pregnant again, which means that with the birth of her second child, the crisis can only intensify.
Apparently, the heroine needs to decide: are her rules in raising children so important, or can you still turn a blind eye to something?
What to do if you find yourself in this situation:
Clearly explain that you do not need advice on ideal motherhood. You are an adult and are able to independently figure out what is good and what is bad for your child. Moreover, the rich life experience of grandparents is not a guarantee of its usefulness.
Discuss what is happening with your husband. Do not insult his relatives or exaggerate their obnoxiousness, even if you really want to. Your task is not to denigrate the parents in the eyes of your husband, but to make the child’s life as comfortable as possible, without the dubious influence of relatives.
Minimize your child’s contact with grandparents. If they are not able to compromise, perhaps the restriction in communication will change something. For example, they will get bored and still agree to your rules. And no — so no. The most important thing is that your child be happy seeing a joyful mother.
Get your living space. As long as you live in the territory of your father-in-law and mother-in-law, you must play by their rules. At least in their opinion. Therefore, for the sake of the child and for the sake of your own psychological health, you need to try to do everything to move out of them.