Question: What should I do if my ex-wife texts my husband? He asks me himself and says: “I don’t know how to be in this situation, we parted calmly, in a friendly way, but there is something wrong in this“ friendly ”correspondence, but I don’t know how to end it, I don’t want to hurt a person.»
Answer: “Calmly and in a friendly way” — I translate: this means that that woman suddenly had some more promising options in marriage, or she thought that they would appear, and “this one of hers” is not an option; but it did not work out, since she is trying to return her ex (once, apparently, who passionately loved her) into the orbit of her influence. Of course, these attempts must be carefully and firmly stopped.
The main thing for your couple to keep in mind is the following — now both you and your husband are not on their own: You are a family, you are one. Therefore, to answer his ex-wife, it is now best for him not from himself alone, but from the two of you.
For example: Arina and I (conditionally called you Arina; he, of course, calls your name) decided something, my wife and I want to do something. That is, if any communication, written or otherwise, takes place between your husband and his ex, you must be present there — if not physically, then in your husband’s speech. His ex must clearly understand that if she wants to communicate with your husband, then she will invariably have to communicate with your couple, and not with him alone.
Your husband may, as if by chance, praise you for something in front of this woman, something like: My Arinochka, such a smart girl, she successfully defended her diploma (dissertation), passed the exam, got a license for a car, etc. Or, My wife is such a wonderful hostess, she cooked such cabbage soup today, you will lick your fingers! Well, anything, any praise, any inclusion of you in the conversation and designation of the two of you as a couple. He will be able to mention you in a conversation in this way: my wife and I decided to make repairs / visit relatives, etc. etc. He can talk about any ordinary situations, as long as you constantly show through them as a leitmotif.
And if the ex calls, and the husband took that e.u. when you are next to him, let him definitely say: yes, Galya, (suppose her name is Galya) good evening …. Arina and I are having dinner here… What did you want? Arinushka, Galya asks … And the three of you are talking sweetly and friendly.
The main thing: the former must clearly understand that if she communicates, then only with the two of you, as with the Family, and not separately with your husband.
And the second method that helps a man not to let extra people into his family is called «Refrigerator». In cases where some female person, including the former, persistently tries to flirt (and incomprehensible frequent letters are also flirting: the desire not to let a man out of his life, to influence him, to feel his power), then the man pretends to be a «refrigerator «. That is, zero emotions for all manifestations of «special» attention — constantly in response gives an asymmetrical reaction, not the one that was expected.
Yes, oddly enough, some men are embarrassed to do this, but you can learn)).
In general, a man is stupid and doesn’t notice sexual sparks))) He answers all sorts of coos strictly on business, gently removes touching hands from himself, like some mote that has fallen on his jacket … not defiantly, but not attaching any importance at all … well, something stuck then … well, he unfastened it in passing, without even noticing what. Without warming up, or, in other words, positive reinforcement, active girls will jump and jump and fall behind for lack of the desired reaction. By the way, they will be more respected: impregnable men who know how not to get divorced by female sexual provocations are more respected. Do not forget to note this in a conversation with your husband and thank him for his desire to stop unnecessary influence on him!
Act, my dear, without losing your temper! Share your knowledge with your husband, boldly and competently protect the climate in your family. Do not allow someone to push norms into your life that are completely out of place for you. And how to remain polite, responsive people, but with my own rules, I explained to you.
For the future, remember that the more often you and your husband act from the position of “WE”, the stronger and more secure your family will be.
The “We” frame is very uniting! Programs a couple very well! Use it more often in your speech, talking with your beloved husband, telling something to others about your couple!