My husband has 37,2 and he is “dying”: how men get sick

satirical poem¹, long parsed on the Web for quotes, reflects a fairly typical situation. Indeed, many men, at the slightest ailment and signs of a cold, are ready to go to bed, graciously accepting women’s care.

Women about (on) sick

In women’s forums, the topic of her husband’s illness is especially popular.

“My husband fell ill … A mild cold: reddish throat, cough and temperature 37,5. And he behaves as if on his deathbed: walks — sighs, lies — sighs. He says how bad he is: the broth is not the same, the tea is not the same, the neighbors are enraged, the cat runs too loudly … With a temperature, I can go at least to unload the wagons, but he … «

The wife in this case is obliged to keep watch at the bedside of a seriously ill spouse around the clock, change banks, cook broths and massage. In general, to fulfill all the wishes of the spouse as dying.

“My boyfriend, knowing that I was sick, didn’t even call me, didn’t ask how I was, didn’t come in, although he lives in the next entrance. The other day I asked him to go fetch water for me, because during the day I’m at work, plus I’m sick and barely get home. He did not go (although every day he rides somewhere on business of relatives and friends).

“As soon as I get sick, my husband immediately seems to “snap”. He dives into his laptop, into another project, and looks busier than usual. To my requests, the usual answer is: “I’m working, sort it out somehow yourself!” Why then does he expect me to take care of him in the same situation ?!

It turns out that Princess Diana was right when she said: “If men could give birth, each of them would have no more than one child”? And who then is the “weaker sex”?

Who is to blame and what to do

Why is this happening and how should a woman behave? We argue with family psychologist Ekaterina Klochkova.

Dysfunctional relationships

If someone began to simulate or exaggerate the disease, there is reason to think that a certain style of communication dominates in the family, the expert believes. For example, «serious malaise» may be a symptom of family interaction, where attention, care, and tenderness can only be obtained by «bulging» one’s ailment.

No right to rest

We need to see if illness remains for a man the only opportunity recognized by the family to rest. If you have any suspicions that this is exactly what is happening with your spouse, then you need to look at how often he rests in ordinary life. It may be worth putting things in order in this area so that each family member has equal opportunities for regular rest. One who can choose for himself.

Education

The role of the hyperfunctioning woman has become entrenched in Russian society. She “owes” everything and everyone, even where she doesn’t seem to have to. This is manifested, among other things, in the expectations that the family and society broadcast to the girl: she must be an excellent student, work at home, help her parents. At the same time, the collective memory from the time of the world wars keeps the impression of the vulnerability of a man — that he must be protected. And so it turns out: on the one hand, they are protected, and on the other hand, they are disabled by low expectations, the expert explains.

Problems in communication

“It seems to me that much more often we are dealing with fear. Partners are afraid to voice to each other their need to be recognized, noticed their contribution to the family and efforts, ”says Ekaterina Klochkova. With a long experience of living together, our view can be “blurred”. And what is taken for granted by one partner requires the investment of strength and dedication from the second. If a person has such a fear, then he may perceive illness as an opportunity to present his need for recognition. And to do it as if «legally», safe for their psychological well-being.

What is a woman to do?

“I think the most optimal thing that can be done at the moment when the spouse is sick and asks for support is to take care of the partner the way he asks,” the expert recommends. If such situations are not uncommon, it is more productive to start with a discussion of the situation, with a dialogue.

Discuss possible ways to support each other, allocate family resources for recreation and recuperation. After all, a mother who has the opportunity to have enough rest, present her needs for care and attention, is a big win for all family members. Even for a cat.

¹ _{«Dedicated to men», author — Maria Rubin}